Whoa-ho, kiddies! So day 3 of my trip started a little earlier than the previous. I woke up at 1pm. Butch had woken up about a half hour earlier and Ivan was nowhere to be found. I joked to Butch that Ivan had probably become a compulsive gambler overnight and he was probably at the poker table.
So Butch and I mozied on over to Denny's for a 3pm breakfast. The service was ssssssssslllllllllllllooooooooooowwwwww and it wasn't even busy. I had the mini burgers. It really hit the spot and was the cutest meal on the menu! While we waited for the food, Butch text messaged Ivan. Sure enough, he was at the poker table. I should change my name to The Great Aarinni!
After our meal, we decided to head over to the MGM pool. Butch wanted to swim, I wanted to avoid sun exposure at all costs (see blog, "I hope you like your Aaron extra crispy"). When we get to the pool, we realize what we've been missing out on. They've got tons of bars, a DJ, a pool devoted to volleyball, anda lazy river. We found a shady spot and Butch got in the water and floated around the lazy river. I watched people as they passed, dodged sunny rays, and laid back on a chair and put out "the vibe". "The vibe" being: I'm a studly guy who's afraid of the sun. Don't worry, kids, it wasn't all bad. I did take my shoes and socks off.
Butch ended up stealing an inner tube from some child, or at least that's how I choose to think it went down. When he was done, I called up Ivan who had lost his $60.
We met him back at the room and Butch showered. We planned our next move. Ivan wanted to play more poker (hooked) and Butch and I would just go and watch. So as Ivan played poker, Butch and I chanted, "Terible! Terible!" Ivan the Terrible, get it? Anywhoo, when we weren't doing that Butch and I were inviting various passing girls to Tabu later. By inviting, I mean, we would see a girl and tell each other whether we would invite her or not. Guys do it all the time cause it's fun.
Hey, you're invited!
Eventually, I got hungry so we told Ivan to cash out. He had lost another $68 which means someone lost more than me! YEAH! We walked over to Mr. Hotdog and I had an excellent polish sausage. Butch and Ivan ate Quizno's. I commented to Ivan that I make it a general rule to not eat sandwiches that had bread that was darker than its innards. He's a veggie-monger and he had his sandwich on whole grain bread. When we got back to the room, Ivan realized the error in his bread-choice and was throne-stricken.
Butch and I got dressed up (I really just wore the same thing from Friday night) and headed down to Tabu to meet these "girls" Butch met the night before. Apparently, they were hot. One was named Jen (with 1 "N" which is excellent) and she was from P.B. So we stood outside Tabu and waited. While we were waiting, a dude with a beard walked by. I looked up and it was none other thanTom Jones! I didn't get a chance to stop him for a picture and who knows if he would've even stopped.
We ended up waiting for the girls for an hour. We went inside and looked for them but no sign, so Plan B: Strip Club! Ivan met us down in the lobby and we asked the doorman if we should leave our cameras. He said yes so Butch brought them back to the room. While he was gone, we asked the doorman if he knew of any good strip clubs, He said, "Club Paradise." Seeing as we had no idea, we said we'd go there. As Butch was walking back, the doorman asked if we wanted to take a limo. I was like, "Huh?" He told us he would get us taxicab price on it for $20. That pretty much sealed it.
So the doorman called over the limo coordinator and he put us in a champagne colored limo. Dammit, we don't have our cameras! I hear the guy tell the driver (a woman) that we wanted to go to a Gentleman's club (cause it's classier than titty-bar) and he tells her to take us to Sapphire. Okay, Sapphire it is. We're all smiling ear to ear as the driver takes off and she says nothing till we're halfway there. Then she asks us where we're from and blah blah blah, she's taking us to the World's Largest Gentleman's Club. The WORLD chico, the world. I know what you're thinking, bigger than the one in Katmandu, Nepal? Apparently so.
We get there and sure enough, it's huge. I give the driver the money and she looks puzzled and disappointed. I tell her the guy quoted us $20 and walked away and she still looked stunned. I tipped her and quite frankly she should be happy! We walk in and pay the $30 cover and get seated in the 1st row from the stage.
We sit and watch knowing we ain't got a whole lot to spend. After a while, I go to the bathroom (keep your heads out of the gutter, dirty monkeys) and when I get back our seating arrangements have changed. Instead of sitting in the crowd, I'm on the aisle. I sit down and BAM, Butch sends a stripper over. This is to be my first lapdance ever. I'm laughing inside because of all the girls Butch (a black man) buys me (a gringo) a black stripper. Her name was Jay and she looked like she was straight out of a rap video. Not a good rap video but I wasn't paying.
So she starts to workin' and I sit there with my hands grasping the armrests firmly. Every now and again she says something to me but I just nod and make the goofy, stoned-looking, face that all my special little ladies have to look forward to. She tells me that when she looks over at my friends, they're both smiling ear to ear. Also, she is constantly rubs my face between her boobs (which weren't good) and it appears she wants to break my nose. Butch meanwhile has a white girl on his lap and I hear her say, "[about the song that's playing, Green Day's "American Idiot"] This is a racist song!" If I didn't have a stripper in my lap I might have laughed at that stupidity. Since when is American a race, baby? Anyway after 2 songs are over, Jay's finished with me and I somehow owe her $20. Nobody told me it was $20 a song and at some point she asked me and I nodded and now I'm out an Andrew Jackson. I think I was tricked but whatever.
So she leaves and I order a water cause all of a sudden I'm thirsty. It comes and I notice there's another girl at the table. And BAM, Butch points at me and here she comes. She tells me to scoot down in my seat and we're off! She starts with a knee in the crotch rub which I never thought would be enjoyable, but hey, what do I know? This girl's a pro and she's got the total package (nice boobs-probably C's, tight stomach, and a nice ass). Yet again, my hands are holding the armrests for dear life. This girl is gentle yet aggressive, naughty yet nice, and hot yet not trashy. Did I mention this club served alcohol? So it wasn't fully nude.
When she finishes with me, she moves on to Ivan who has been with his girlfriend for 2 and half years and is practically married. I fully expected him to be completely uncomfortable with the whole idea. I sip my water and look over and Ivan's got his hands all over the girl! I'm like, "Whoa! & Hey, I didn't get that!" He's handy to say the least and then:
He pinches her nipples!
He had clearly crossed the line and she let him know. She didn't seem angry and I'm sure it happens fairly often. This all really surprised me. Butch got his dance and was touchy but not as much. Ivan sat and tried to catch his breath. Then the girl sat and talked with us while Ivan's credit card processed because (you guessed it) he bought another round. Her stripper name was Keely and her real name was Kelly. I found the similarity confusing. She sat there for a good half-hour and talked with us about music and other dancers.
Then the next round started. Who goes first? ME, of course! So she's back. I'm more comfortable this time but still keeping my hands to myself. She takes off her little lingerie shorts and somehow(???) they end up on my head. Anyway, it's just as good as the last one and she moves on. Ivan is slightly more tame and Butch gets booty-slap happy. Then she looks at me and all of a sudden it's my turn to buy a round. I say sorry because I know I've only got $60 left and we gotta eat on Monday. She kisses Butch and Ivan on the cheek and I just get a sensual hand rub(on my hand, dirty monkeys) and she leaves. I don't know what that means and I don't really care.
We sit and bask and Ivan gets up and walks away. A few minutes later, Butch heads to the bathroom. He comes back and Ivan's nowhere to be found. I go to the bathroom and I don't see him. I come back and he's still not there. Minutes pass and he finally turns up. He got another dance from Kelly! Dude with a girlfriend, folks. We decide we better leave before we move-in. We get a Cab back to the MGM and stop at Walgreen's for Krispy Kreme's for Monday's breakfast. Checkout is 11am, it's 3:30am when we get to sleep. You do the math.
A little more to come, kiddies.
Check out the photos at: http://photobucket.com/albums/a30/psychodan13/
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