Thursday, September 29, 2005

Goddammit


I promised myself I would never spend an entire blog with song lyrics but I find this song has spoken to me before and it speaks to me right now.  Read it though, it's good people.

You're just across the street
looks a mile to my feet
I want to go to you
funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes round by chance
or only one way that it was always meant to be
you kill me
you always know the perfect thing to say
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
from the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up put down the phone
like your favorite Heatmiser song goes:
"It's just like being alone..."

Oh god, please don't tell me this has been in vain
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means
you kill me
you've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes
I know what I should do but I just can't turn away

So go on, love
leave while there's still hope for escape
got to take what you can these days
there's so much ahead
and so much regret
I know what you want to say
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you
and I should have said it
but tell me,
just what has it ever meant

I can't help it, baby
this is who I am
sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel

you kill me
you build me up but just to watch me break
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away

"Kill" by Jimmy Eat World

Monday, September 26, 2005

Quick...


I need someone to make out with!
This is gonna sound weird but it's true.  I just had some cavities filled at the dentist (not dirty, filthy monkeys) so my mouth is all numbed up.  The last time I had cavities, I was with my ex and she made out with me till I regained feeling in my lips.  Thankfully I had like 7 cavities at the time so that meant several appointments and lots of making out.
Now, I know this is all strange but think about it.  What better way is there to pass the time?  Also, there had to have been some cool feeling for my ex to want to do that.  Kissing a rubber lip feels good I guess.  I never had to return the favor.  Needless to say, though I'll say it anyway cause I'm an emotional masochist, that happened a long long time ago.  I've been basically cavity free till recently so it hadn't occurred to me. 
And besides, this is as good a reason as any!  Though when I think about it, who really needs a good reason to make out with somebody?  I guess the ladies do cause clearly they haven't been interested lately.
Anyhow, if you are interested call me up or send me a message or show up at my front door.  You know, whatever.
Bring your chapstick, your libido, and, hey, bring a friend!  I'll be waiting.  Oh yeah.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Damn, if I were a field mouse I'd be dead


 was minding my own business working on an audio project in the West Commons at school, when all of a sudden a hawk (yes, I said HAWK) slammed into the glass window inside the commons.  He full on slammed into it too.  I happened to be sitting along the glass at the time so I was stunned to say the least. 
The hawk, though, he was down-right flustered.  It got back up and shook itself up and tried to fly out of the commons.  But of course being that it is a bird, it flew the wrong way.  I guess it pirched on top of the US Bank and I just about forgot about it.
Then all of a sudden something flies closely behind my head and goes THUD against the glass.  It then crashes down onto my backpack which was between my feet.  I thought somebody threw something at me.  A thought to which I thought, "Damn, didn't I graduate high school?!"
But it was that damned hawk.  It sat near my feet for a second and shook its head.  It got up and flew towards the door and the canyon beyond it.  Some dude happened to be walking in the doors at that exact moment. 
Imagine, if you will, for one second what this poor guy saw.  He saw doors, he opened them, and then he saw a hawk flying full-bore at his head.  He's gonna need therapy.
Instinctively he ducked and the hawk got out the doors and flew back to tell Mrs. Hawk about the strange invisible barriers he crashed into and the dude on his laptop who witnessed it all (me).
Strange times we are living in, kiddies.  Oh yeah.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Regarding the Blah


[following up on the previous blog]  Sure enough.  The answers came to me. 
They were not positive.  It sucks more than I imagined.  The consolation, that at least I know, hasn't had the effect I thought it would but, admittedly, it's early.  When it comes to matters of the heart, I feel that there just aren't enough curse words to cover my frustration.  But that's life, or so they say.
Thanks to the friends that have heard me out and are helping me through this.  From your own experiences, you know how much it means to me. 
I guess for now I just gotta keep keepin' on, whatever that means.  Also I should avoid The Cure, and emo music in general, which will be hard. 
But here goes...

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Just plain old Blah...


That's how I've been feeling lately and that's why I haven't blogged much, kiddies.
"Why do you feel blah," you ask.
I'm not entirely sure.  Of course, there's the utter disappointment of not getting into the film class.  But I think a lot of it has to do with the uncertainty that I've been feeling lately.  I'm uncertain about things. 
This summer I got over something.  Now it's back.  I didn't expect it.  But here it is. 
It was all gone.  But all it took was contact and I'm right back where I was, in uncertainty. 
You're probably saying to yourself, "Who is this guy, Aaron?  Why is he all emo?  Could he be any more vague?
I guess what I need is answers.  But I'm not sure if I should ask the questions.  There's risk involved.  A risk that I take very serious.  If the answer is negative, it'll suck, but I can move on.  If the answer is positive, some great things could happen.  I'm not sure how likely a positive answer is, thus making the task of asking the question much harder. 
It's a real gamble.  It's not like poker though.  Because that's just a game that you can walk away from, whereas this is my life, and somebody else's.  Not to mention that people's real faces and reactions are much harder to read than their poker faces.  At least for me.
I guess it all comes down to timing, or the moment, and I don't want to force it.  But I think I've gotta make the effort if I wanna get out of this funk.  I don't believe, as great as it would be, positive or negative, that the answers will come to me.  That only happens in the movies.
I keep having visions inside my head of the best case scenario.  But all I feel is doubt and frustration about how short the reality will fall of the ideal. 
"But at least I'll know," I tell myself. 
That, in itself, is a positive thought.  Oh yeah, I guess...

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Don't cry for me, Argentina.


Hey there, kids.  I haven't blogged lately so here's an update of things that have happened.
School started.  I had to crash 2 classes, Basic Audio and Intermediate Film.  I got into Basic Audio.  There was talk about opening another section of Intermediate Film but in the end the money doesn't add up.  I'm 99% standing outside looking in.  Unless some dumb schlub drops the course and I get to be the one added, my collaborations with Jen are over, like forever.  The thought of it sucks everytime I think it.  There goes the fun and the dirty jokes, both on set and off.  Nobody else will have the ability, the know-how, or the pizzazz that my little Jen has.  Sorry to those of you that think you do, but no.
God, I'm all emo lately!  Let me know if that's good or bad.  Maybe I need to walk it off or something. 
*walks around in circles*
Nope, didn't work.  Ah well.  In other news, I'm starting up a coed softball team.  I'm going to be player/manager, so if it sucks, it's my fault!  It should be fun-times regardless.
One bright note about school is that I only had to buy one book this semester.  It was $83 used but at least it's the only one.  Ahh, I just got sad again.  It sucks, I don't recommend it, kids.  Oh no...

Monday, September 5, 2005

Sprinkle this over your heart and you'll never be lonely. Awwww...

I AM: the greatest person you'll ever know and the man you'll invariably never love.
I WANT: Candy! Der---------der-der.
I HAVE: to buy the new Jimmy Eat World album! (correction: it's not a new album, it's a 5 song EP, a half album if you will)
I WISH: I could be more clear and have less questions.
I HATE: President Bush but lately I'm not alone.
I MISS: being a kid.
I FEAR: that people just won't listen.
I HEAR: the new Jimmy Eat World tracks on myspace.
I SEARCH: for acceptance and understanding.
I WONDER: why more people don't fill these out. Are they too busy being busy?
I REGRET: cursing at my softball teammates. Sorry again.
I LOVE: the way a song can take you to THAT place.
I ALWAYS: scratch my head, even if I'm not confused.
I DANCE: when you least expect it.
I SING: in the car and nowhere else.
I CRY: very rarely, I hope I'm not saving it for something big.
I WRITE: when the mood strikes me cause I can't force it (sorry blogfans).
I WIN: the hearts and minds of those I don't want.
I LOSE: most of my softball games.
I CONFUSE: easily.
______

[YES OR NO]
you keep a diary: No, that's for girlies. I blog!!!
you like to cook: No, the patience is not strong with this one.
you set your watch a few minutes ahead: No, SDSU time.
you bite your fingernails: All too often
you believe in love: Yes

[WHO IS]
The weirdest person you know: Franciso Torres at work, not good weird either
The Loudest Person you Know: Butch and he's a good friend.
The Person that Knows the Most about you: I tell everybody everything, if I can.
Your Crush?: A gentleman doesn't crush and tell...

[WHAT IS]
your most overused phrase on IM: huh? or okay???


[DO YOU]
think you know you've been in love: I know I haven't. I have loved though.
want to get married: Yes, if someone will have me.
have any tattoos/where?: Nope
piercings/where?: Nope.
Get along with your parents: Pretty much.
Like thunderstorms: Depends on who I'm with

SIGN: Libra, there's nothing more frightening than a scale!
NATURAL HAIR COLOR: Dirty blonde
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: Dirty blonde (au naturale)
EYE COLOR: Green
BIRTHPLACE: Hoffman Estates, Illinois (suburb of Chicago)

[FAVORITE]
NUMBER: 13
COLOR: Dark green
DAY: Halloween
SONG: right now? "Lucky Denver Mint" by Jimmy Eat World
FOOD: Pizza from La Bella's in Chula Vista
SEASON: Summer
SPORT: Baseball
DRINK: Chocolate milk

______
[PREFERENCES]
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE? Depends on the weather
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE? Milk
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? Chocolate

[IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU]
CRIED? Nope
HELPED SOMEONE? Probably
BOUGHT SOMETHING? Tried to
GOTTEN SICK? Nope
GONE TO THE MOVIES? No, but I did in the last 48 hours.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? Nope
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? Nope
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? Nope
TALKED TO AN EX? Goodness No
MISSED AN EX? Nope
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? This'll probably end up in my blog
MISSED SOMEONE? Yep
HUGGED SOMEONE? I wish
KISSED SOMEONE? I wish more
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? A little
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? Nope