Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010 In Review


Hey, kids!  Remember when people used to be on MySpace and they used to write stuff?  Yeah, me neither.  But here's my year-end list for 2010 anyway (copied off of said horrendous former social network).

1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR
Gerry.  We don't drink, so I would change this title to Burrito Buddy Of The Year.  Yeah!

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest known friend) -
Wayne. I finally went to visit this asshole back in June (photos available on my page) and I must say he was a gracious host.  I got to meet his awesome girlfriend, Juana, and his ridiculously adorable (there's that word again) pitbull, Brutus.  It was really fun time!  25 years and counting, buddy...

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND?
Did I meet Cam this year?  He's a solid and cool dude.  I like nice people.  Who knew?

4) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
I saw and listened to some great comedy this year.  I discovered a ton (too many?) of new podcasts this year that supply me with massive amounts of laughs at work and on the road.  I've also been able to interact a bit with some of the comedians I admire like Bill Burr, Marc Maron, and Paul F. Tompkins.  Also, thanks to Victoria for introducing me to some of these podcasts!

5) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Just some of those downer days I've had where I get all "wah wah wah."

6) BEST HOLIDAY?
Christmas was a pretty fun time.  Halloween was fun too.  I had a GREAT fucking donut that night.  Does that make it a winner?  Oh, but Christmas had Tim Tams!  Winner: Christmas!

7) YOUR SONG FOR 2010?
Jimmy Eat World's latest album, Invented, may have been the only album I bought all year so I'm gonna go with my favorite track: Heart Is Hard To Find.  It's true, and it was a real surprise track to open an album with.  Good on ya, Dudes!

8) MOVIE FOR 2010?
Wow, this is kind of tough.  Kick Ass was great.  True Grit was pretty damned good.  Black Swan was surprisingly awesome and visceral.  The Town was also a surprise as a solid film.  But it's hard for anything I've seen this year to top Inception.  It's simply amazing and practically made me quit filmmaking.  I cannot stand on your level, Chris Nolan.  I kneel before Nolan.

9) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINE'S DAY WITH?
I think it was Erick, which is weird.  I think we had both become singled (him more recently than I) and needed to laugh.  So we went down to the Improv and saw Harland Williams do stand up.  That is a funny motherfucker. Update: Upon further review, this was actually Feb. 13th.  So I was probably alone on Valentine's Day.  Update Update: I remember now.  I went and watched Avatar alone that day.  The mystery ends.

10) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
I was an awkward, overweight white guy.  

11) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR.
Wow, I don't know.  I finally went to Porto's, which is a fine place.  Pinocchio's and Carmine's are both fine Italian joints.  I can't say that I have a favorite because I never really enjoy restaurants.

12) KISS OF THE YEAR?
Unfortunately, I only had one candidate this year and to be brutally honest, it wasn't that good.  Bummer, huh?

13) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Taking over the day shift at work has been a pretty solid call.  I love my car too.  It is one sexy bitch.  Buying a new computer was also a major plus.

14) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
I've really gotta bear down and get my stand up act together.  I really want to give that a shot.  Luckily, I've got a really good day job so if nothing else it'll be a cathartic release.  I've also gotta learn the drums to validate this purchase.

15) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
I don't have those.  It'd probably be ordering another burrito.  Great at the time, but horrible ten minutes later.

16) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
Lost was great.  Can't top that.

17) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
Gerry has been there for me when I needed it.  I'm sure I frustrate the piss out of him now and again but it's much appreciated.    

18) BIGGEST DOUCHEBAGS?
I've actually been keeping a list all year, though I haven't added to it since May.  Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Senator John Boehner, John Edwards, Bill O'Reilly, Jay Leno, NBC Executives, the Stoners on Riverside Drive, Pat Robertson, Disney Corp., the dude in the theater during Iron Man 2, and Larry Larson.

19) BIGGEST CUNTS (not literally)?
Gassie Cassie, Representative Michelle Bachman, Bombshell McGee, Michelle Malkin, Gloria "Glo" Ingram, and Anne Coulter.

20) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
Be better, do better, give everything I can, and get everything I deserve.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

15 Fictional Characters

Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen fictional characters (television, films, plays, books) who've influenced you and that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. Tag at least fifteen friends, including me, because I'm interested in seeing what characters my friends choose. (To do this, go to your Notes tab on your profile page, paste rules in a new note, cast your fifteen picks, and tag people in the note.)

1. Wile E. Coyote
2. Fozzie Bear
3. Indiana Jones
4. Navin Johnson
5. Jack Bauer
6. Randal Graves
7. Bret "The Hitman" Hart (wrestling is fake)
8. Marty McFly
9. Batman
10. Dr. John Dorian
11. The Tramp
12. Donnie Darko
13. Pee-Wee Herman
14. Peter Venkman
15. Wesley

Monday, October 11, 2010

How Fucking Awesome Is This!


I emailed the hilarious comedian Bill Burr regarding an episode of his podcast (themmpodcast.com) from 10/6/10 where he talked about getting harassed at the Bills/Jets game (10/3/10) and chronicled my experience at Dodger Stadium last October (which I'd never done).  Here's how that went:


Bill,

I listened to your last podcast about your experience at the Bills/Jets game.  I've had a similar experience of walking into an opposing team's stadium.  I'm a St. Louis Cardinals fan and last year they played the Dodgers in the first round of the playoffs.  I wanted to go to the game so I tried to get my friend, a Dodger fan, to go with me.  He couldn't make it because of his kid (typical, right?) so I decided to go alone.

I was hesitant to do so at first because I know how shitty Dodger fans act towards other fans.  Adding the pressure of a playoff game and the ever-present drunkenness, I knew I'd be in for a battle.  So I got my ticket and went down to Chavez Ravine.

I was pretty smart about it though.  I wore my Pujols jersey to support my team but I didn't wear a hat.  I figured that, in a crowd, I'd be harder to spot/torment without a bright red headlight.  I walked into the stadium with little incident.  I got to my seat and was of course surrounded by Dodger fans.  The worst part was: I was right on the aisle right before the field level concession stands.  So all throughout the game dudes would slap me on the back as they passed me, shouting, "HEY PUJOLS!!!"

There was a group of Cardinal fans down my row that offered to let me sit near them, but I declined because they all looked like rednecks to me.  I grew up in San Diego, right near the border, so I've always felt more comfortable with Mexicans than white folks, including my own family.  So I stayed at my seat and luckily the 2 guys right next to me were really cool and friendly, even though we were there for opposing reasons.

One thing that bugged the shit out of me though was this drunken bastard a few rows in front of me.  He asked me if I was from St. Louis.  I said, No, San Diego.  He asked why I was a Cardinals fan, and rather than tell him the whole story about my favorite player had been traded to the Yankees (fuck those cunts), I told him I became a fan during the McGwire homerun chase of '98.  This motherfucker scoffed at me and turned away like I was an asshole!  Me?!  Manny Ramirez is RIGHT FUCKING THERE!!!  What a douche...

Outside of that guy, I didn't have much means to be angry.  Except for the Cards losing, of course.  A security guard even came and checked on me, which was nice, but I was cool.  I didn't ask for trouble so I didn't get any.  

When the game ended, I shook the hand of my neighbor, said "Good game" and headed for the exit.  I had my jacket on because it was getting cold so I went ahead a zipped it up till I got in my car.  I don't think that makes me a pussy but I'd rather keep the fact that I bleed Cardinal red a figurative thing to be safe.

What do you think, Bill?  Was I smart, or a scaredy-cunt?

Aaron Brungardt
Burbank, CA

And he replied!  How Fucking Awesome Is That!

Aaron -

Smart.  Without a doubt, smart.  The kind of people who would actuallydo physical harm to someone wearing a different jersey are not the oneon one types.  They are the push from behind, 5 on 1 types who stompyou into the ground while the other four hold you down.  I think afterlast week, I officially am at the age where I'm going in plain clothes to opposing teams stadiums.  It's just makes for a much betterexperience.

Bill

Comedie D'Largo


Show was fucking hilarious!  

Lineup: Marc Maron came out and introduced the founder/editor of PunchlineMagazine.com (The show was in honor of its 5th anniversary).  The dude kinda talked toward the side wall for about a minute.

1. Greg Proops hosted

2. Chris Hardwick

3. Jeff Garlin

4. Brendan Burns

5. Maria Bamford

6. Marc Maron

I talked to Marc Maron briefly after the show.  Caught him on his way to the can (convenient in case we didn't hit it off).  I told him he did great, that I listen to his show (to which he apologized for not bringing any stickers), and then told him that his 'stache was looking good.  Very "Magnum." He replied that he couldn't get it to curl down (as opposed to my beard?), asked me my name (Aaron), and we shook hands again (2x).

Awesome early Birthday present to myself.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

One For The Blooper Reel


Got to play in the last game of the night for a random company sponsored team.  

Dropped grounder on first hitter of game while playing 1st base.  Missed some tough picks in the dirt.  Excusable?

0/2 on pop-flies in right center.  2/2 falling down on said pop-flies.  

Batted 1-3, if you count fielder's choices (which I do).  Fouled out, FC grounder to SS/Error, solid sinking flyout to left (my highlight of the night).

Baserunning: Not bad minus the stumbling.  Going 1st to 3rd winded the hell out of me.

Cardio: dismal, depth perception: dismal, ability to keep feet and head in proper polarity: astonishingly weak.

Overall: Possibly my worst game ever but just a sign of my rustiness.  Gotta slow things down and let the game come to me.

Still don't have a regular team.  :-(  Hooray...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Don't Tell Momma Cow But We're Gonna Have To Pull A Calf.


Hey kids!

Welcome to another installment in the misadventures of your old pal, Aaron.  Todays episode is brought to you by the letter: "Ahhhhhh!!!"

So I was out for my usual nightly walk, which I've been doing since it got too hot to walk on my lunch break, when I decided to mix things up a bit and explore what McCambridge Park [in Burbank] had to offer.  I try to deviate my routes lest they become stale and I lose interest in exercising all together.  Plus, I've never in 3 and half years seen what they've got there.  Plus, I've been trying to get back into softball and I needed a place to test my wheels.

You see, when I played softball in San Diego, I had remarkably good speed (hell, for anybody, but especially for a big guy).  Seriously, ask around; I have witnesses.  So I needed to find a flat patch o' grass to sprint down, and after a lap around the park's pool, gym, tennis courts, and playgrounds, I found what I was looking for.  Best of all, few other people were around in case this turned out to be an terrible mistake.

I took my keys and my iPhone out of my pockets so they wouldn't be flopping around while I ran and held them tightly in my hands.  I did some light stretching.  Some might say half-assed but we'll see.  So now it's "Go Time."  I set myself as I would at any base while waiting for a batter to make contact; left foot forward, right foot ready to spring from behind.  I bounced a bit, like gymnasts do before running at the pommel-horse (on trying this myself I've found that it gets you to top speed almost immediately, though it's unlikely I'd ever do it in a game), and I was off!  And luckily, it was like old times.  So good news: I've still got it.  At least for a bit anyway.  My engine has always run super-hot but there's not much gas in the tank.  I tire easily in other words.  But it felt good and I still had enough juice for one more...

I gather myself, and with loads more confidence, I set my feet, do the gymnast bounce ("Ah shit!!!"), and I off!  As my right leg flexed backward at the end of the bounce, milliseconds before takeoff, my calf muscle decided to do a tiny fist pump in my leg.  I was still able to get up to speed but the pain was pretty brutal.  So I slowed down easy, cursing myself and various deities.  The pull in my calf held despite repeated attempts to stretch and/or rub the pain out.  Bad news: Youch!  

"So that's fine," You say reassuringly. "Just hop in your car and drive back home, where you can IcyHot your leg till the morn'."

That would be all well and good, had I not walked over a mile to get to McCambridge Park.  So guess who's got two thumbs and has to limp home like an asshole?  *points thumbs at face* THIS GUY!

So I hobbled back home looking like a Midwestern cholo, limping in my Cubs t-shirt and grimacing with every labored step.  
I write this now, still in pain though seated (worse pain than when walking actually), after popping some Ibuprofen and slathering on some such ointment my chiropractor gave me, which had expired in August of '08.  

Moral of this story, kids: Hell, I don't know.  My name ain't fucking Aesop!

:-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Beach Chair Balcony Fail

After I came back from my walk around the neighborhood tonight, I tried putting my beach chair out on my balcony to see if I'd be able to sit out and enjoy these balmy Burbank nights. But alas, my chair is too short to see over the completely stuccoed balcony. If it was just steel bars, I'd have no problem but my apartment was built before the 70's, when people became more comfortable with their voyeurism. Oh well. It's either ride real low or get taller chairs, I guess.

Stepping back a bit, on my walk around the neighborhood, I came to a several block stretch of residential suburban streets that had no sidewalk. It was right about where the border of Glendale into Burbank was that the sidewalk resumed. So I ask, "What the fuck, Glendale?" From what I can tell, your largest ethnic group (Armenians, duh!) loves to walk around, particularly at dusk, when it would be most dangerous to not be on a sidewalk as cars wiz by. "What the fuck," I repeat politely.

I guess this is my return to blogging... I'm not terribly sure about that. It's pretty weak if you ask me. This was just getting too long to be a status update.

:-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Monday, March 1, 2010

A Year In The Fortress Of Solitude


So, this is my first facebook blog, or note. I'd have to say that this format is kind of lame. Just pretend it's a long twitter, I guess.

So today, besides being my first day on the day shift at work, is the 1 year anniversary of moving into my own apartment. Me on my own. Alone. Well, at least the last half of the year. But let's not go into that, again.

Well, despite the quirks of this place: the schizophrenic water temps in the shower, the paper thin walls, and the exhaust fumes that occasionally waft up from the parking garage directly below me, I'd have to say that I enjoy being here overall. I mean, no place is perfect and if some sweetheart of a deal came up I probably would move but at least the living alone part isn't so bad. It's a bit lonely, no doubt. But in all honesty, I don't mind being alone sometimes. Certainly, before breakfast or a shower or both, I'd rather not have anyone else around. A significant other would be the only exception. And it'd be exceptional to have one of those again. You offerin'?

I just took a walk around downtown Burbank tonight, for what I'm vaguely ashamed to say was the first time since I've moved in. In my defense, I have been working nights the whole time, but there were weekends. Now after having done so, I can say that I didn't miss much. I ran into a couple of annoying groups of teens. Seriously, I think being quiet is an art lost on today's youth. Maybe I'm just old. But shut the fuck up anyway. I guess walking around by yourself kinda makes you more sensitive to the obnoxious. I could've had my iPod on, but fuck that, I'd rather not get hit by a bus.

I walked past a beauty school and came up with this thought. Why is it that every chick that wants to do hair or make up has brightly colored hair (I'm talking pinks, blues, reds...) and an arm(s) full of tattoos? It seems odd that that's all I ever see going into that field. I'm not saying you can't do either thing (can't say I'm a fan either), but it's becoming so prevalent that you'd think it was the uniform for beautician in training. I'm just sayin'.

I hate the phrase, "I'm just sayin'...". I've been hearing it a lot lately from people in life and on TV. And it always comes after the person says something fundamentally retarded or quasi-controversial. It's like saying, "Please don't hit me for saying that..." I don't know. I'm also getting tired of people speaking in LolCat. It's a novelty language, like pig latin. When's the last time someone spoke pig latin to you and you thought they were cool and/or funny? LolCat is meant to be accompanied by picture of a cat doing something ridiculous or adorable, so unless you look like a cat on a cheese wheel, stop it please, I beg of you.

Well, anywhoo, hooray for me and my first facebook blog (note=lame) which you'll probably never read. It's cool, I understand. It's way over 140 characters. But if you're in the mood to actually read stuff, there's still my blog over at myspace (I know, lame, right?) and there's still some classic reading materials over there like my second blog ever entitled, "I Need A Hambone." (Correction: I wrote that blog on 6/29/06, over a year after I'd started blogging.)  Do visit them. I'm still hoping to one day put some thought into archiving them somewhere that hasn't gone out of style by the time I find it.

Cheers and boobs,
Aaron

Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!