The stunning conclusion:
I woke up Monday morning at 8:30am, the buttcrack of early if you ask me. Check-out was at 11am, so I hopped in the shower. I must be honest and say that I didn't want to wash the smells from the previous day off of me. I ate a Krispy Kreme (or 2) and packed up my shiot.
Butch and Ivan did their thing and every now and again we would all look at one another and laugh about the previous night without a word necessary. Our flight didn't leave till 8:30pm, so we checked our bags at the MGM bell desk.
We walked out the lobby of the hotel to the hottest day of the trip, 105 degrees and no breeze. We marched over (not literally) to the internet cafe in the food court nearby so Ivan could type up some stuff that he needed to. Butch and I sat by and glared at each other as if to say, "You dirty bastard. I am appalled!"
When I thought this, I was right. When Butch thought this, he was mistaken. I still consider my actions on Sunday night to be innocent and I will not be lumped in as some dirty accomplice. I am a good boy and remain so. That's not to say that Butch or Ivan did anything wrong. Well, maybe Ivan. Either way the memories will last and luckily there are no photographs.
When Ivan finished his work, I got hungry. Weinerschnitzel graciously provided me with a further nutritious breakfast of a hot dog in a pretzel bun and a Sprite. Hooray Nutrition! After that we walked from air conditioned area to air conditioned area and souvenir shopped.
I got my sister a shot glass that says, "Instant Jackass, Just add alcohol." She wanted a shot glass. I bought myself a $100 poker-chip key chain (for $2.95) to commemorate my losses at the poker table. I was thinking of picking up some aviator shades for work but I really started to think that they wouldn't be funny without the accompanying handle-bar mustache.
We walked around to a bunch of places and pretty much saw the same trinkets at all the shops. We did however, through our purchases, acquire some change, so we stopped at the Boardwalk Casino to play some slots. I played some video poker and got some good hands but they only paid chump change at best.
When that ran out, I walked over to their souvenir shop. Nothing but junk. On my way out, I passed by an old lady with a walker and got a whiff of what became a dream stifling image. The old bag shit her pants! Put a bullet in me if I ever get that way, please.
This brings me to a mini rant. The elderly should NOT be allowed in Vegas. Turn them away at the door. If they want to gamble, they can go to tribal casinos wherever they live. Don't stink up my good time and don't slow down my buffet line. There, I'm done. Don't even get me started on children in Vegas...
So we leave the Boardwalk and make our way through the Gay Magician hotel (the Monte Carlo, Lance Burton is such a flamer), New York New York, Excaliboring, and finally to the Luxor. Thankfully, there were many moving sidewalks and I didn't have to walk the whole way. We ate lunch and started to make our way back to the MGM as it was about 6pm. On the moving sidewalk between the Luxor and Excalibur, they had TVs that showed the attractions at the Luxor. I was standing sideways and leaning on the handrail, when I saw the add for the Luxor's club, Ra. I was watching the clip and, sure enough, we hit the end of the sidewalk.
I damn near ate shit. That's a colloquial term for: I almost fell and broke my ass. Butch just laughed and Ivan didn't even notice. I blamed Butch for no reason other than I'm bigger than him.
Anyway, we got back to the MGM and got our bags and caught a cab to the airport. When we got to the airport, the lazy-ass cab driver didn't even help us with our bags. We shouldn't have tipped. We got our tickets and went through security. Everyone has to take their shoes off now and that bugs me because I hate taking my shoes off because I actually bother to tie them. This makes putting them back on quickly damn near impossible. It's a minor gripe but it's mine (and not yours).
When we got to our terminal, I looked around in Lids (a hat store oddly enough) and found a Cardinals hat that I didn't have. I bought it (thanx to Butch for his discount card). This left me with some quarters. So I went over to the quarter slots (yes, in the airport) but of course the fuckers don't take change. Quarter slots that don't take quarters. What are we communists?!
Anyhow, we wait by our gate for the plane and this really pretty girl sits down behind us. I look over a bunch of times and then I see her making googly faces to a baby sitting across from her. I decide immediately that a girl with this level of fascination with children isn't what I need in my life currently. That and I was too tired to turn my head around any more times.
We get on our plane and there's only about 20 of us, on a plane that seats over 100. And of course, the people with the crying baby sit right in front of us. While the stewardesses were pre-occupied with making their googly faces, the 3 of us moved the fuck away from that kid.
Long story short- plane took off, landed, and here I am back in sunny San Diego. I'm definitely glad I went to Vegas and I'm definitely going back. How soon? I'm not sure. When I can afford it again, I guess.
I only got one question now: Who's coming with me???
Oh yeah.
Check out all the photos at: http://photobucket.com/albums/a30/psychodan13/
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