Sunday, April 30, 2006

How's About Your Night?


I'm gonna warn you in advance, this blog will contain an insane (for me) amount of expletives.  If you are squeemish about such things, grow the fuck up!
So, wow, I'm the most pissed I have been in probably over a decade.
"Why," you ask.
Well, I'll tell ya.
I went to work today.  That went okay.  Supervisor talks too much. 
Went to Santana's in P.B.  That was okay.  Not as good as Hillcrest.
Went to the Strip in P.B. That's what I call it anyway.  Everywhere's packed.  Except Moondoggy's.  So Butch and I went in.  Things were going well; as well as they can for a guy who neither drinks nor dances.  I had a nice table where I could mind my own and be quiet amongst the people.
Then two pretty little blonde-haired white girls ask to sit at my table.
I should have seen that this was the sign of Apocalypse.
Next thing you know, there are about 8 military lookin' dudes circling the table.  The girls get up and go use the bathroom.  One of the dudes puts one of hisTWO drinks down.  Minutes pass.  Dude picks up one of his drinks and...
SPILLS the ENTIRE FUCKING DRINK into MY ENTIRE FUCKING LAP!!!  I'm not even joking, the whole fucking thing.  I am pissed beyond words at this point.  I'm also in shock, afterall my giblets are now all cold and soggy.
And the dudes reaction is: "Dude, what are you drinking?  I'll buy you another."
You couldn't buy enough drinks to last a FUCKING lifetime to make up for this,ASSHOLE.
I yell, "JUST GET ME NAPKINS!!!"
He stumbles over and gets me a handful.  It's clear that this won't even begin to cover it.
"What are you drinkin', man?  I'll buy you another," Jerkwad continues.
"Coke, but just get me more napkins," I repeat.  I'm remaining rather calm considering the circumstances.  Violence is rarely my first instinct.  I'm beginning to re-think that policy.
"Let me buy you another drink, man.  I'm in the military so I take care of my people," he slobbers.
It figures they let this "man" hold a gun but he can't even hold a glass.
"JUST GET ME MORE FUCKING NAPKINS!" I reiterate.
And the heartless fucking bastard doesn't even do that.  I guess he figures if he can't buy me a free drink then clearly I am asking for too much.
The fuckhole hovers around a little while longer and then decides that he's too cool to walk around to the dancefloor and climbs over the tables next to me.  As he climbs back, with drink in hand, he spills some of it on my arm.
I am furious.  I do what I can with what napkins the pigfucker gave me.  Butch brings me some more once he is alerted to the situation.  It's clear to me that I'm done for the night.  I've got wet spots all over my jeans, with special attention paid to my "crotch area."  I shake my head in disgust as the bar is closing and I bolt out the doors.  Not only that, but I gotta walk ALL THE WAY back to my car through the alley or else face further embarassment.
Now, I've never wished harm on a member of the armed forces before, but I hope that someday soon this knitcap wearing PIECE OF SHIT dies in a friendly fire incident.  Better yet, I hope HIS DICK (if such a thing exists) is BITTEN OFFby a MONGOOSE.
The nerve.  FUCKIN' COCKSMOKIN' HOPELESS DRUNK ASS MOTHERFUCKER.  Go die in a fire!
So the question remains, How's about your night?

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Anna Versary


Hey there, blogfans!  It's official, I have been addicted to MySpace for 1 year now.  That's right, it's my one year anniversary on this, the internet community.
So, wow, a year.  I'm happy to say that contrary to local and national news reports, I am one person who has not been the victim of a sexual predator through MySpace.
Wait a minute.  Oh yeah.  Maybe I have.  Well, you live and you learn.
So, I guess I should start thanking people.
Adam and Jen:  Thanks for introducing me to this world.  You are either great people or the cause for a serious downfall in my life.  Either one.  Still too soon to tell.
Butch:  The Jay to my Silent Bob (who will be celebrating his own anniversary in the next day or two), it's been fun hasn't it?  It's saved us at least a few bucks on text messages.  We haven't thrown a party in a while but perhaps we've learned our lesson.  Still, the stories have all been worth it.
Caleb:  Thanks for showing me what a blog can be.  Some day I'll figure out how to be as cool as you.
Jasmin:  I'm still missing those late night chat sessions from last summer (which is how long it's been since the damned chat thing worked, Tom).  We'll have to resort to "really talking" "in-person."  *shudder*
Chrissy:  My sister.  I have deleted you twice.  But yet you remain a blog subscriber and a frequent commenter.  I guess that counts as moral support in some twisted way.  Thanks.
Amanda B.:  The best friend I've never met.  Thanks for all the support and the kind words of concern.  Your choice in men still boggles my mind but perhaps someday we'll share a laugh in the same oxygenated environment.  Keep it real, homie.
Joanna:  Happy Belated Birthday.  I'd get you a gift, but let's face it, that's what we call poker.
To My Top 8:  You guys are where you are for a reason.  Cherish it as I cherish you. 
To Anyone Who Reads Ever:  You're the reason I do this.  I could write in a journal or a diary but that wouldn't be nearly as fun.  And maybe slightly gay, not that there's anything wrong with that.
To People Who Leave Blog Comments:  I appreciate your opinions.  When we agree, clearly great minds think alike.  When we disagree, clearly you are wrong but I like you anyhow.  Keep 'em coming.
To My Friends:  Hey look!  There's a list of you!  How awesome is that?!  Right on.
To All The Friends I've Ever Deleted:  On every count you deserved it.  Life without me can be sad, I know.  But there's always Tila Tequila or Tom, so you won't be lonely.  Try not to die in a fire.
To All The "Friends" Who've Ever Deleted Me:  Hey!  Who do you think you are?!  Yeah, well, fuck you too.  Some people...
Well that about wraps it up, kids.  Time well spent?  Who knows.  At the very least it's been fun.  Here's to YOU and here's to another year!
-Aaron  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Monday, April 24, 2006

Weird Anecdote


Hey, kids.  I figured it's time for a health update.  Well, I'm not as sick, I suppose.  It's weird cause the fevery stuff is pretty much gone but the sore throat is still around and possibly more intense than before.  It's cost me my voice twice now.  I sound like somewhere between a 30 year smoker with dry-mouth and Marge Simpson, which I know is a pretty small range but I strive for accuracy.  So that's all bad.  Having to work 2 of the 4 days you've been sick also sucks.  Not having any fun on either Friday or Saturday nights pretty much blows.  Even when you stay home and do nothing normally, at least you're not stuck there.
A weird anecdote to this whole cold is that the morning I got sick I was awakened by this strange paragraph of a monologue that I've never heard.  It was so odd I wrote it down immediately and here it is word-for-word:
"...This reminds me of a time when I was about 14 or 15 years old.  I had just come home from a party, where I had lost my virginity to none other than Tatum O'Neal.  I worked up the courage to tell my father, thinking he'd be upset.  But he just smiled.  And with tears welling up in his eyes he said, "What you just told me has made me very happy."  He patted me on the head, gave me a dollar, and walked away.
And I haven't seen him since..."
I actually tried to tape-record this before resorting to pen and paper.  Admittedly the tape recorder I keep beside my bed (for these such moments) is a little old.  This is all it got:
"...This reminds me of a time-worked up the courage to tell my father-give me a dollar."  It kinda rhymes...?
To say that this struck me as odd is as slight an understatement as saying that the H-Bomb produces a slight twinge upon detonation.  I don't know what kind of crazy cold this must be but at least it produced something amusing.  I hope you all feel the same.  Or not. :-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Friday, April 21, 2006

Health Liberation


Well, I've gone and done it, kids.  I went and got my first cold of 2006.  It happened on Thursday.  I woke up with a slightly sore throat that slowly got worse.  It was a bummer too because I had to write my final in-class essay in my graduating writing class.  I think I did well, which means I'll get screwed into a lower grade.  You can't argue with science.
I was doing okay throughout the essay but when I got to my cinematography class, the cold hit me like a 8-ton truck.  I broke out into a really high fever and my throat felt like it swelled shut.  And then of course there was the sick taste.  You know, the sick taste?  It's that unchaseable flavor of death in your mouth.  It was so bad, I don't think Paris Hilton would've made out with me and that's saying a lot.  That girl'd make out with a tractor if she thought it matched her purse.
I stuck around my class for about 3 hours but I split after helping load and thread the camera (which is a difficult and important job).  I went home and went immediately to bed, in hopes that I could sleep it off.  Not so.  Around midnight, I woke up and helped myself to some Cold medicine and some food (I was hungry).  That seemed to help pretty well.  I tried to go to sleep again at 2am but that was still difficult.  I played a little Tetris to help ease the process.  I still probably conked out at about 3am.
I woke up this morning knowing that I had to go to work no matter how I felt.  See, at my work you can call-off once every 30 days but I already used mine about two weeks ago (only 14 days, math majors).  I took plenty of meds and got through work pretty easily.  I didn't do much but hey, I was there.
I am feeling better at the moment but I am under the influence of Advil Cold & Sinus.  Hopefully, I'll progress back to complete health as quickly as I got sick.
I know there are probably those of you who find it rather ironic that I get sick following my "I wore shorts!" blog. 
To those folks I say, "I don't love you anymore!"
Side Rant:  This whole being sick thing has reminded me that once again I, Aaron the magnificent, have beaten the flu for the 23rd year in a row.  I have never once had a flu shot and I have never once had the flu.  So there!  *gives the fungul*
Well, kids, that concludes this blog.  I hope you've enjoyed it.  I know I have.  And, I love you again.    :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Leg Liberation


Hey Kids!  Well it's officially Spring in San Diego.  Winter has left this town for good and I have proof: I wore shorts for the first time this year. 
Hooray!  Mark it down in your calendars.  And soak in all that warmth while you're at it.
And another thing, that Groundhog is full of shit.
Completely Unrelated Rant: Celebrity Cooking?  WTF?!  Are TV programmers that devoid of new ideas that this becomes a show?  At least on Dancing with the Stars and Skating with Celebrities (I watch neither) there's a chance that Danny Bonaduce is gonna fall and break his ass.  All this show has is a timer and as a man whose cooking abilities are limited to setting an egg timer, I can tell you that there's nothing to it.  It's bullshit and we can do better than this. 
Bring back Circus of the Stars!  Then there's a chance Tonya Harding gets eaten by a lion.  Think of it!  In Iran, they have public executions on TV, and since they are our next misguided military target, we might as well do it so that we can figure out what we'll be dealing with over there.
It's a thought.  A better one, I might add, than Cooking with Gary Coleman.  Jee-bus...

Sunday, April 16, 2006

S-A-TUR-DAY!


So it's Saturday night and I've been home for about a half an hour now.  It's been a long, long day. 
You may find yourself asking, "Aaron, how long was it?"
"Long long," I would reply. 
I went to work.  That was marginally interesting.  I did a lot more walking than usual.  I still managed to sit in the office for over an hour without "officially" being on a break but nobody really said anything.
We had a "Frias Dance" at the Convention Center today.  That's basically just a SUPER-expensive ($50/ticket) banda concert. 
"What's banda," you ask puzzledly.
"It's music that blows donkey balls," I answer without delay.
Every now and again you'll here it in your neighborhood, usually blaring out of a large Chevy pick-up.  It's just this repetitive nonsense played my Mexican dudes in frilly costumes, with accordions!  No, seriously, it sucks so hard. 
It's not the fact that it's in Spanish either.  As anyone who knows me knows, I am down with the Mexican people and culture.  I have an honorary badge to prove it.  It's just the droning tempo, lack of melody, and the fact that you can't tell any of the songs apart and you don't even notice when the live performance has stopped and the DJ has taken over (to cover the setup time).  That's really sad.  It really misrepresents the Mexican culture.  It's just an excuse to get drunk in public at 7 bucks a pop. 
Banda, avoid it like the girl in headgear from elementary school.
The only slight bright spot to these "Frias Dances" is that many latinas show up wearing next-to-nothing.  Evenso, the ratio of ugly girls to hot girls is usually 80:20.  Tonight it was more like 95:pathetic.  It was bad.  Not that I'd be seriously interested in a girl that listened to that "music."  A guy's gotta have standards.
After work, I met Butch and Danny and we went to Hooters.  We had the same waitress as last time.  Bummer.  Only this time, she didn't "recognize" me.  So, that proves that last time I was there, she was crazy mistaken.  It's in an old blog, look it up, for the kids.
After that, we roamed downtown looking for merriment.  We ran into some girl (and I probably don't need to say this) drunk-off-her-ass as she pole-danced on a lamp post.  After some laughing and hot chocolate at Fumari, I headed for home.  Twas magical, kids. 
Mini-Plot Points Not Covered in Great Detail: Danny got carded and was rejected (at age 27) for guessing his own height incorrectly!  In all fairness, Danny was correct but his license wasn't.

Cute girl at Fumari, I still owe you a wink and the gun. 
Banda's even more annoying in the parking lot. 

And finally, Kill Whitey.  Happy Easter, Christians!

Friday, April 14, 2006

Humm-to-do


So, wow, I've had some free time for the first time in a while.  It's kinda nice and kinda weird.  I almost feel like there's something I ought to be doing.
But what if the thing I ought to be doing is nothing?

Yes, I have considered this.  But it's probably wrong.  I'm directing a short film in a few weeks so there's bound to be something I can do.  The movie is about a guy with tourette syndrome who goes to confession for the first time.  I didn't write it but I gotta figure out a way to make it real and make it my own.  I also want to make sure that people aren't just laughing cause some dude said, "Fuck" on screen.  That part will be tough.

Really the toughest part will be the location.  We need a church who will be good enough to let us curse in their vicinity.  I'm not much on churches so I'm relying a bit on my producer for that.  We'll probably get the film commission involved too.  Help is always welcome.

Aside from that, this semester is just kind of going by.  I still don't really feel connected to it at all.  I'm guessing it's the trusty senioritis as it appeared in high school.  The problem is that this is when I need enthusiasm the most.  If I want to make something really good, it has to be now (or next semester, or possibly this summer).  It doesn't even begin to compare to some peoples' problems but it's what I'm dealing with.

So that's where I'm at.  If Julius Caesar were judging my life right now, I'm guessing his thumb would be slightly more up than down.  That's good, right?  Yep, sure, why not...

P.S.  It's raining again.  What the Fuck?!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Ahhhhh, Free-Time...

1)Are you in a relationship or single?
I am single as a Pringle at the moment.  I created that.  You best not steal it.

2) Are you happy with where you are?
I've probably squandered a thing or two but if it all works out, then who's to say?  But to not avoid the question, Sure, I guess.  It could be SOoo much worse.

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
That's a hard question to answer.  You see, I haven't met the right person, so I wouldn't know.  Do I fall fast for the wrong person?  Everytime.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
So many times I started counting when it isn't broken instead.

5) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
Not even if she had a kidney that I needed.  And I wouldn't except that if she offered it to me.

6)Do you want children?
Yeah, eventually.  If one can plan such things, I'd like it to be when I'm ready for it or I'm at least financially okay.  Now would be a bad time.

7) How many?
Is eleventy-billion too many?  Well, in that case, 2 or 3 would be fine.  I'm also cool with adopting.  The world's got a lot of kids that need good homes.  How "Brangelina" of me, I know.

8) If somebody liked you right now, would you get with them?
It depends on what "get with them" means.  That's not a phrase I'm familiar with.  I always say that if somebody likes me, they can raise their hand or whistle.  Something.  You know, give a guy a signal.

9) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Maybe the problem is I play easy to get.  I don't really know what hard to get is.  The only remotely "hard to gettish" thing I experience is when I call a girl a few times and she doesn't return my calls.  Then it's on her and I'm basically done with her anyway at that point.

10) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
You know, I'd like to.  But how would you ever know it?  You'd have to see somebody, feel that, they reciprocate, but you don't start anything.  Because if you start talking, that simple act changes it and it becomes about personality anyway, right?

11) Are you romantic?
I'd like to think so.  I'm also kind of an idiot but I like to do little things for my lady.  I'm always thinking of things to do, places to go, and quite frankly, all these ideas are currently going to waste.

12) Do you believe that you can change someone?
I don't think so.  Maybe little things.  But when you're wrong for each other, you're wrong for each other and there's no fixing that or making that go away.  But hang on as you might.  I know how that feels.

13) If you could get married anywhere, where would you go?Just somewhere warm.  I know that I don't have to go anywhere for that so that's cool.  I just want to get married on a cliff overlooking the ocean with all my friends and family there.  But no priest.  I don't need religion in my life to justify or validate that kind of commitment.

14) Fuck buddies - good or bad?I suppose it would be better than nothing.  But in the end, it really wouldn't work for me.  I just think that feelingless, emotionless sex would get stale and I just don't have the kind of energy that could replace real passion for the other person.

15) Do you easily give in when you are arguing?
Never.  When I'm wrong, I'll admit it and apologize.  That's the best I can do for ya.  I also promise to keep everything above the belt.

16) Do you have feelings for someone right now, whether they know or not?I have interest in a few different people but I don't know them well enough to make a move.  You gotta know a person a little, more than a little.  I've made that mistake before and I don't plan on repeating it.

17)Have you ever wished you could have had someone but you messed up?Not really.  If I didn't start something with somebody, then that's just how it went down.  Regret gets you nowhere.  Have I made mistakes?  Yes.  Have I aimed for the "wrong target?"  Of course.  You live, you learn, and hopefully you don't get the clap.

18) Have you broken a heart?Never intentionally.  If somebody felt a certain way and I didn't respond, that's my right.  I just try real hard not to be a dick about such things.  Hehe, I just wrote dick and hard in the same sentence.  AHEM!  Sorry.

19) What would happen if you came home and find another person in bed with your gf/bf?
I'd probably just say something filthy and awful and I'd walk away forever.

20) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
Only over something serious.  You just can't go around fighting all the time.  Look what it's done to Russell Crowe...

21) What would you say to all your ex's?
"What's the temperature like in hell?  Oh, really, cozy huh?  Who knew..."

22) Do you feel some relationships are worth holding on to?
I'm a firm believer in, if you break up you're done.  There is no getting back together, and apart, and back together again.  You broke up for a reason.  Let go and move on.  It's what mature people do.

23) Who was the last person to kiss you?
There will be no free publicity here.  Period.  Ever.  I know who and when, and that's the problem.