Hey, Kids! Remember MySpace? Me neither. Remember when we used to fill out survey type things on the internet? Kinda? Yep, that's pretty much what this is. It's a tradition, I guess. The hardest part is trying to remember what the hell happened this year, so if I forget anyone or anything, whoops!
1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR
Always begin with the awkward. Good call. I don't drink, so I always have to qualify this. Burritos- Gerry. Nobody does 'em better. Comedy- Cam and Chris (Coleman). We've been to so many shows this year!
2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest known friend) -
Wayne. Goddamn, I cannot get rid of this guy! I keep trying by being his polar opposite but we just can't finally tell one another to fuck off. Maybe next year, man.
3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND?
Can I just say Cuddlahs? Nah, let's be more specific. I definitely had a lot of good times with Vicky, Lenny, and Coleman. Vicky and Lenny are always so welcoming and I feel like we always have 10 more hours worth of conversations to have at the end of the night. And Coleman, well, there aren't many people you remain friends with that you met while they were in costume. Think about it. Special mentions should made for Alex (Woloby) and Seth. Alex flew across the globe to hang out with me. ME! That's how I look at it anyway. Seth was a great surprise of the Starfish Circus II. His joy and enthusiasm couldn't have been more welcome.
4) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Oh man... Doing stand up was definitely a high, despite my excruciating anxiety about it. Meeting some of my favorite comedians and being welcomed by them was tremendous. I couldn't have expected it. And being recognized by them, despite how many people they must come across, blew my mind. Greg Behrendt treated me like I had been on Oprah and not the other way around. The Sklar Brothers couldn't have been nicer (Go Cards!). Sadly, Randy was right about Pujols leaving. Graham Elwood knew me by name and didn't Palm Strike me dead. Paul F. Tompkins couldn't have been more welcoming and had I not been so awkward, we would've hung out, man! But I think the ultimate moment of the year was having Dave Anthony tell me that I'm funny. I know that he isn't the type to throw that around and it was validation of what I've been doing both naturally and specifically. To have someone so wickedly funny tell you that they laugh at your stuff, means so much.
5) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Bombing was pretty awful. I still contend that the audience should've been more well informed. Rupert Murdoch. Watch the news! I think the lowest points really are those moments of self-doubt that I keep going through. It's stalemated my stand up and really made me step back to try to figure out what it is I want to do. That's not all bad but it's definitely hurt some of my more productive impulses.
6) BEST HOLIDAY?
Easter? There was candy.
7) YOUR SONG FOR 2011?
Shit. I don't know. I think I may have only bought one new album this whole year. Blink-182's "Neighborhoods," for those of you wondering. Can't think of any one song that struck me in particular this year.
8) MOVIE FOR 2011?
I really enjoyed Super 8. X-Men: First Class was really good. I really did enjoy Drive, despite its flaws. Same with Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. I really enjoyed Sucker Punch and I don't care who knows that. Red State was great! I can't say that I have a favorite. Perhaps I'll update this.
9) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINE'S DAY WITH?
It was a Monday, so probably nobody. Nothing's really coming to mind about it.
10) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
For the second year in a row, instead of dressing up I went to a "haunted" thing in L.A. As you can imagine, the effects and detail put into Halloween stuff in this crazy town are pretty spectacular. Super fun with Gerry and Hanah.
11) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR.
I gotta say I'm still reeling from The Counter. That sounds kinda pathetic considering it's just a burger joint but hey, fuck you, I'm simple. And they had parmesan fries. And fried pickles! I've also gotta get back to Pie 'N Burger and not get weirdly ill like I did on my birthday.
12) KISS OF THE YEAR?
There were some on a ferris wheel that were pretty awesome. I'd like to again apologize to the family of four in the carriage behind us.
13) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Finally biting the bullet and doing stand up. No matter what comes of it, I can say that I lived down that fear and was successful at it more times than not. I'd also like to add the decision to be more open to new things and people. I never thought I'd make friends on the internet and that meeting them would be such a joy. Clearly, I don't know everything.
14) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Shit, I don't know. A lot is up in the air right now. I just want to continue to have fun and make good friends.
15) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
I don't have those. But my food intake has been ludicrous this year. Goddammit. Get a grip, fatty.
16) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
Louie. Jesus... Portlandia also ended up being a surprise. Breaking Bad is amazing. The Walking Dead has not disappointed thus far. Game Of Thrones was great! Justified!
17) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
Gerry is like a brother to me. He's the first person I call when I need to talk. We don't always agree... Do we ever? Eh, it doesn't matter.
18) BIGGEST DOUCHEBAGS?
RUPERT MURDOCH (look him up!), Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Lindsay Graham, Bill O'Reilly, Pat Robertson, Disney Corp., Vischal (sp?) at Universal, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Andy, Kobe Bryant, Nyjer Morgan, Ron Paul, the dude behind me at Starfish Circus II, Fred Phelps, Jerry Sandusky, George Lucas, Dan Lozano, Hank Williams Jr., Charlie Sheen, Ashton Kutcher, etc.
19) BIGGEST CUNTS (not literally)?
Michelle Bachman, Michelle Malkin, Sarah Palin, Shirley Phelps-Roper, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Crickets, Anne Coulter, and those other blondes on Fox News. Update: Almost forgot that cunt Courtney Stodden!
20) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
Be better, do better, give everything I can, and get everything I deserve.
