Hey, kids. Wow, what a crazy 4th of July that was, huh? I'm lying. I did nothing. It was so lame. Know what else is lame:
-The L.A. job market. Yeah, this pretty much sucks. I still haven't found anything. I'm not so concerned with putting "the move" on hold because I find it very necessary to be able to afford "the move." Many of the gigs on Craig's List pay dick and nothing worthwhile that I've applied for has panned out. I'm not really discouraged yet. It's a marathon, not a sprint as they say. But who likes "they" anyway?
-Cialis ads. This is really getting to me because I watch a lot of sports and sports TV and I guess they think sports fans have a lot of dick issues (or dicksues) so they play the ads over and over and over. And Cialis is by far the worst offender. But what irritates me now is the metaphors they use. I mean, come on, since when in the history of the world has sex been equated or compared to 2 middle-aged people in separate but public bathtubs?! That's just retarded. Oh but there is one commercial where the old people are about to get-it-on when their grandchildren show up. I find that one hilarious because immediately after they welcome in the kids, the grandpa heads up the stairs. I can just imagine them asking where he's going and the grandma saying, "Grandpa's going upstairs to think about baseball for a while."
-All medication commercials. Hey! Yeah, hey! We get it. We should talk to our doctors about your product so I appreciate it if you'd let him tell me what the side effects are. It'll save you the air-time of having to list them for 45 seconds. And what if there are people that are watching TV to forget about the horrible side-effects of the medications they're currently taking?! Have some decency. If a product requires a prescription, then it doesn't require announcer-voice guy to tell me the intimate reactions the medications may have on my scrotal area!
-Hey! You know what's not so lame? Those sleep-aid commercials with Abe Lincoln, the Scuba guy, and the talking Beaver. I don't know what the product is called but I love watching a talking beaver. Please take a moment to let that soak in.
-Pacific Law Center. Jesus, there are a lot of criminals in this town. And not one of 'em can read a cue-card to save their lives. Awesome.
-Maxim Hot 100. I don't know if this is current but I caught this earlier today on VH1 and Lindsay Lohan was listed number 1. What the fuck? Did MASSIVE freckle infestation and cocaine habits come into style while I was... watching quality TV programs this year?! And I loved that they called her a Hollywood superstar. 'Cause you know I love the over-praising of miniscule talents... Man, I better re-rent Herby: Fully Loaded!
-My douche neighbor and his douche neighbor car alarm. My neighbor's car alarm goes off about 8 times a day and it sounds exactly like mine. I hear it, think it's mine, go check, it's his again, son of a bitch...
-Can I just say that I really am missing real TV? None of this summer filler bullshit is any good. Except...
-The Universe. It's on the History Channel on Tuesday nights. It's a show with real in-depth looks at one planet per episode, but somehow it all comes back to "how can this planetary phenomena kill us here on earth?" It's fascinating. Oh, and everything in space can totally kill us.
And that, kids, has been my 200th blog. What a long and crazy ride it has been... What's that??? You'd like to read 200 more? Alright. I mean, I guess... :-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
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