Oh, Just Shoosh...

Hey, kids.  What it is, my babies?  Well, I'm glad to hear it.  I got a few things I'd like to talk about, if you don't mind.

I don't know if you've noticed but MySpace's series of interviews called, "Artist on Artist" has a new installment out.  It features rock legend Iggy Pop engaging in a mutual interview with Bam Margera.  What?  Yes, I did say, Bam Margera.  Yeah, now that you mention it, that does piss me off.

What exactly is Bam Margera's art?  In what medium does Bam express himself artistically?  Last time I checked, punching your sleeping father wasn't considered morally acceptable, let alone an art form.  Slamming your face into things, also not an art.

Oh, well, maybe it's because of the Right Guard ads he was doing?  No, no that's not art either.  It was hardly even good TV.  Perhaps then, it's from his work as a MTV reality show star?  No.  No art there.  Hmmm, very perplexing...

On a more positive, and less quizical, note, there is actually a commercial out now that I do like!  Have you seen the new Burger King ads?  They're on a construction site and you hear a grumblin' and it turns out it's somebody's stomach and then he yells at it, "SHUT UP!!!"  And then a very familiar voice comes on (the former Black Angus cowboy) and he says gruffly, "SHUT IT UUUUUUP!"

I don't know why but I just love it.  I love the way he says, "SHUT IT UUUUUUP!"  He says it again later in the commercial after a woman's stomach rumbles and she yells at it.  I can't help but say along with it both times, even if I'm not in the room, "SHUT IT UUUUUP!"  There's just something macho-retarded about it.  I hope you love it too.  But if not, fuck it.

That's all for now, kids!  SHUT IT UUUUP!  :-P  Pbbbbbbth!!!

Presents From The Present

1. Who is the last person who smacked your butt?
I don't recall exactly.  It happens more often than you'd think.  I'm just gonna say Gerry because he's usually the answer to these questions.

2. Last awkward moment?
Last Friday.  I was getting a haircut when my ex's mom walked into the barbershop.

3. Who do you find yourself crushing on currently?
Nobody in particular and everyone, all at once.

4. Have you ever fallen backwards down a set of stairs?
I'm sure I've come close but I'd remember if I had.

5. Ever been to a friend's house and starved the whole time?
Yes.  At Freddy's house.  He never had anything to eat or drink, and they had a big ant problem.

6. Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
No but I randomly found a piece of popcorn in my shirt pocket.

7. Name someone close to you who smokes cigarettes?
Wayne

9. When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
Depends on how fast they're walking.

10. Have you ever been corrected at your workplace?
All the time.  I just say, "Yes" and then go back to doing things my own way.  Being agreeable gets bosses out of your face faster than arguing.

11. Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member?
We all get stupid and temporarily false-prioritize things.

12. Do you still see any of your ex's?
Well, I see one everytime I check my blog subscribers.  Go away, you crazy bitch!  And another was at Scolari's recently.  Why can't these people just be good and die?

13. Last time you smiled?
Wait for it... Wait for it... NOW!

14. What do you do when a telemarketer calls?
I try to say no quick to save their energy.  I've done that job so I avoid being mean.

15. Would life be the same without alcohol?
My life would be but there'd be a lot of whiney bitches who'd complain ALL THE TIME.

16. Would you go a month without washing your hair to save a loved one?
Although I'm a great propponent of hat wearing, I fail to see how this would save them.

17. Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?It wouldn't be my first reaction...

18. Have you had "the best night of your life"?
Probably not.  But I've had good-times.

19. Do you think your current pets will be alive ten years from now?
Roxie is a fatso, so maybe at best.

20. Have you ever had sex in a bathroom?
Never fuck in the shithouse.

21. When was your last bubble bath?
Childhood.

22. Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?
The guy at checkout at SDSU.  He has every right to be an asshole but chooses to be otherwise.  I don't know how he does it.

23. What was the last thing you ate?
Bratwurst.  I'm SOoo fucking german.

24. Where is your pet right now?
Following my mom all over the house, as usual.

25. Name five things you did yesterday?
How 'bout, "No?!"

26. Last time you consumed alcohol?
Many moons.

27. What color phone do you have?
Silver SLVR.

28. How many kids do you want to have?
2, 3, or 9.

29. What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
Cargo, shorts, button down, shirt, volleyball t-shirt, socks.

30. What color are your eyes?
The shade of green that soaks into your soul.

31. Have you ever been in love?
No.

32. When was the last time you drank a martini?
I tried an appletini once.  December '04 maybe...

33. Did you do any chores today?
Some laundry.

34. What are you doing tomorrow?
The Cox Cable guy is coming because my dad cut off our phone with hedgeclippers.  He's kind of a genius.

35. Do you know someone who likes you?
The world chico, and everyone in it.

36. Have you ever had a friend named "Fred, Frank, or Felipe"?
Freddy, my nasty creepo co-worker Frank, and no.

37. Name three people you met in the past two months?
I met Bonnie at the film festival afterparty.  I met Becky at Danny's b-day party.  And I think that's pretty much it but I'm forgetting people I'm sure.  Oh, Flavor Dave of RPC!

38. What color is your hair?
Dirty Blonde, which means mostly brown.

40. Have you ever said "I Love You" and not meant it?
Yeah, I'm an idiot.

41. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Negative.

42. What is the closest green object to you?
Certified Mail receipts for my film festival entries.

43. Have you ever been teased really bad?
Please.  I'm white and in south San Diego.  And I was/am husky. Husky like a fox...

44. Do you still have feelings for anyone from your past?
Probably.  But not anybody I've dated.  Just the ones I should have.

45. Did you enjoy your last kiss from a girl?
I hope so.

46. Do you believe in ghosts?
No.

47. Have you eaten popcorn in the past 48 hours?
No.

48. Do you have a lot of female friends?
Enough.

49. Do you have a friend with benefits?
I hope so.

50. Who was the last person you drove with?
Butch.  No relation to the previous question.

It's Like The Noon Of Night

Hey, kids!  There's a bunch of stuff that I left out of my last blog that I thought of since then and now I will bring that to you.  Also in response to those who said I need TiVo or DVR, I say, "DUH!!!"  But it's not happening, so I shall rant onward.  Anyone not knowing what blog I'm referring to, look it up!  Here goes:

-The Eric Prydz video.  If ya'll haven't seen the video for "Call On Me," shame on you.  You can find it in My Videos, under my favorites.  I have loved this video for a long time but Jamaal re-brought it up and I feel I should speak on it.  It has all the elements.  A catchy, hook-heavy tune, hot chicks, spandex, good camera work, it pushes the boundries of decency, and it's edited better than most movies.  The editing seriously impresses me more than anything (and there are chicks girating!).  It is beyond spectacular.  It should be taught in schools (*ahem*, Durbin!).  It keeps it moving without necessarily cutting on the beat.  It slows down appropriately at one point and then gets back to business.  It's the kind of thing that I think I'm able to do as an editor.  I feel the music or the scene and I cut it that way.  I don't know why but it's easy to me.  The only problem is: I don't want to be an editor.  I don't enjoy sitting in front of a monitor for too long.  Even long blogs are a chore to me.  For further examples, see my unfinished feature screenplay.  But enough about me, this video's GREAT.  Eat it, Walter Murch!

-Who's Now?  On ESPN, they have this countdown or tournament thing to see who's the most now athlete.  That means that they not only have to be good at their sport, but they also have to go to parties and shit.  I think this is all nonsense.  Like, you get upgraded for being in the tabloids?!  Is this really what we want our kids to emulate?  But too much attention is paid to children so I will just say that I think that this list of Who's Now is even LESS relevant than theEspy Awards.  Fuck it, show games, damn youse!!!

-The World Series Of Pop Culture.  It just premiered tonight on VH1 (who obviously doesn't show videos anymore, except between 3 and 6am).  Man, could I put a savage hurtin' on this competition.  I got all this worthless nonsense in my head that could be worth $250,000.  That could almost buy me a girlfriend!  Last year Butch and I were kicking ourselves for not knowing about this tournament until it aired (but seriously, who actually reads Entertainment Weekly?) and we've done a good deal of brainstorming about who our 3rd team member would be.  Well we've found her in Victoria.  Now all we need is to agree on a name and then we can figure out how to divide 250K 3-ways...  Huzzah!

-Wendy's ads.  Seriously, what the fuck?!  I'm all for randomness but you guys have left the planet Earth.

-Chris Berman.  The MLB All-Star Homerun Derby is tomorrow night and that invariably means ESPN will be rolling Chris Berman out of the "Things that haven't been entertaining since 1997" cuckoo house.  Every year, they have him calling the homeruns with his signature oral suppository of "Back, back, back, back, back..." and his lame-ass player nicknames.  Albert "Winnie the Poo"-jols?!  It's like an unfunny Matt Foley sketch from SNL (which were hilarious) because he's fat and sweaty and nobody likes him.  Sorry, Chris.  Get a new schtick, buddy.

So I think that's about it, but I'm sure it isn't.  As always, more to come, my children.  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

So how 'bout that...

Hey, kids.  Wow, what a crazy 4th of July that was, huh?  I'm lying.  I did nothing.  It was so lame.  Know what else is lame:

-The L.A. job market.  Yeah, this pretty much sucks.  I still haven't found anything.  I'm not so concerned with putting "the move" on hold because I find it very necessary to be able to afford "the move."  Many of the gigs on Craig's List pay dick and nothing worthwhile that I've applied for has panned out.  I'm not really discouraged yet.  It's a marathon, not a sprint as they say.  But who likes "they" anyway?

-Cialis ads.  This is really getting to me because I watch a lot of sports and sports TV and I guess they think sports fans have a lot of dick issues (or dicksues) so they play the ads over and over and over.  And Cialis is by far the worst offender.  But what irritates me now is the metaphors they use.  I mean, come on, since when in the history of the world has sex been equated or compared to 2 middle-aged people in separate but public bathtubs?!  That's just retarded.  Oh but there is one commercial where the old people are about to get-it-on when their grandchildren show up.  I find that one hilarious because immediately after they welcome in the kids, the grandpa heads up the stairs.  I can just imagine them asking where he's going and the grandma saying, "Grandpa's going upstairs to think about baseball for a while."

-All medication commercials.  Hey!  Yeah, hey!  We get it.  We should talk to our doctors about your product so I appreciate it if you'd let him tell me what the side effects are.  It'll save you the air-time of having to list them for 45 seconds.  And what if there are people that are watching TV to forget about the horrible side-effects of the medications they're currently taking?!  Have some decency.  If a product requires a prescription, then it doesn't require announcer-voice guy to tell me the intimate reactions the medications may have on my scrotal area!

-Hey!  You know what's not so lame?  Those sleep-aid commercials with Abe Lincoln, the Scuba guy, and the talking Beaver.  I don't know what the product is called but I love watching a talking beaver.  Please take a moment to let that soak in.

-Pacific Law Center.  Jesus, there are a lot of criminals in this town.  And not one of 'em can read a cue-card to save their lives.  Awesome.

-Maxim Hot 100.  I don't know if this is current but I caught this earlier today on VH1 and Lindsay Lohan was listed number 1.  What the fuck?  Did MASSIVE freckle infestation and cocaine habits come into style while I was... watching quality TV programs this year?!  And I loved that they called her a Hollywood superstar.  'Cause you know I love the over-praising of miniscule talents...  Man, I better re-rent Herby: Fully Loaded!

-My douche neighbor and his douche neighbor car alarm.  My neighbor's car alarm goes off about 8 times a day and it sounds exactly like mine.  I hear it, think it's mine, go check, it's his again, son of a bitch...

-Can I just say that I really am missing real TV?  None of this summer filler bullshit is any good.  Except...

-The Universe.  It's on the History Channel on Tuesday nights.  It's a show with real in-depth looks at one planet per episode, but somehow it all comes back to "how can this planetary phenomena kill us here on earth?"  It's fascinating.  Oh, and everything in space can totally kill us.

And that, kids, has been my 200th blog.  What a long and crazy ride it has been...  What's that???  You'd like to read 200 more?  Alright.  I mean, I guess...   :-P   Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!