Hey, kids! So a few days ago I was watching the tube (you know, the TV), and a commercial came on for the new Die Hard movie, Die Hard 4 as I refer to it. It got to the end of the trailer and then that movie voice guy said, "This film is not yet rated."
And I started thinking, "What the fuck is the question here?! Don't tell me they are trying to get a PG-13."
Oh, I hate it when I'm right.
Yesterday, I saw the same exact trailer on TV and guess what: it is now Rated-PG-13.
YOU FUCKING FUCKS!
It kills me. All three Die Hards were Rated-R, and they were GREAT! Well, maybe not Die Hard 2. But they never shied away from violence, language, or even a little nudity. John McClane kills people, HARD. It's cool.
Now, who knows if he can even say MOTHERFUCKER! Hello?! It's his catchphrase. It's Bruce Willis's "I'll be back." It's bad enough that there's a goofy ass title on the film, that John McClane's head is completely shaved (which I don't believe the character would do), and that he's paired with the fucking Mac guy (he's not Sam Jackson!). But why? Why must they water it down?!
It's as if the only films Rated-R anymore are horror films. You can't have an action film unless kids can see it. Fuck that! And fuck kids! It's an action movie! Shit is supposed to happen! People are supposed to get shot to shit and John McClane is supposed to break peoples' necks and shit. What, does he have to arrest people now?!
Fuck that. Fuck the MPAA. Fuck the distributor of this film. And fuck the director for letting it happen and fuck everyone else involved in screwing the pooch on this one. May you all take a flying leap off of Nakatomi Tower, you fucking fucks!
Where are the Gruber brothers when they'd truly be useful? Oh yeah, John McClane killed their monkey-asses! Apparently that wasn't PC enough.
Die Soft, motherfuckers. Argh!
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