Thar She Blows!

Hey, kids!  So in an effort to show that weathermen don't know shit about fuck, Mother Nature decided to throw a wicked curveball at my modest San Diego home.

See, the weather "forecasters" all predicted rain for today.

What did we get?

WIND.  Strong motherfuckin' WIND.

This shit is no joke.  It's not a hurricane (Denzel's not here), it's not a tropical depression (I mean, have you ever really seen an unhappy Jamaican?), and it's not the perfect storm ('cause I would have fallen asleep already).

But it's pretty fuckin' strong WIND.  So strong that it took the umbrella to our table in the backyard and dropped it 6 feet away.  Luckily, it didn't land in the pool but the damage is worse.  Not only did the wind pick up the umbrella, it did a fair amount of bending along the way thus breaking the glass table that had surrounded it and the glass candle holders that were sitting on said table.  It's a horrible mess.

Though I had planned to get up and do stuff today, it's pretty good that I hadn't thus far, otherwise this WIND meets glass cage match would have happened and the dogs would've been free to roam and frolic on shattered glass.

Like I always say, "We'll never be New Orleans," but usually when I say that it's in reference to the 2am last call.  Will our weather ever be truly bad in San Diego?  Probably not. 

But don't ask my backyard table.  She might still be a little sore on that subject.

:-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Concerto: Clapton

Hey, kids!  Last night's Eric Clapton concert was pretty fucking awesome.  Can I start though by saying, "Ace Parking, Go suck a bag-a-dicks!"  15 bucks to park at the iPayOne (no shit I paid) Center.  Tickets were already 50 bucks at the cheapest.  Our seats were in the very top row on the right side (Clapton's left).  I was happy about them because the sound was good and the view couldn't really be obstructed.

The show started off with the Robert Cray Band opening up.  They were pretty cool.  It was just some good old straight blues.  I didn't catch the whole set because they started promptly and I entered tardily (real word?).  I thought Robert Cray was somebody else (namely, a white guy), so I was pleasantly surprised.  He finished up and it was just a matter of time...

After about 15 minutes, the lights went down and it was G-O-time.  Clapton comes out with his trademark black and white Fender Strat!  He wore a black, short-sleeve button down shirt, jeans, and sneakers (just like me!).  He was also sporting a good amount of stubble.

Sidebar: I've always been of the mind that Clapton looks coolest with his trademark beard.  Let's face it, the man has no chin.  Legend that he is, he kind of resembles a shell-less turtle.  In his elder years, he shaves.  I say, "Don't.  Just Rock."

So he starts off by playing some songs I don't know by name.  Very bluesy, so good-times.  Then out of nowhere he breaks out Jimi Hendrix's "Little Wing."  Blowin' my mind, sir.  This version goes on for at least 7 minutes because there are 2 guitarists (besides Clapton) who get their own solos.  Each song lent itself to this pretty well.  Clapton's version obviously lacked the psychadelic aspects of the song but brought in plenty of blues goodness to more than make up for it.

After that, J.J. Cale came out for like 5 songs.  He and J.J. recorded the most recent Clapton album entitled, "Road to Escondido" which is ironic because Escondido was about 40 minutes away.  J.J. Cale is an old dude and he looks a lot like Chong to me.  They played songs off the album, including my current profile song.  The highlights were when the broke into "After Midnight" and then capped their "mini-set" with "Cocaine" (the song, they didn't drop and do lines off the stage).  It was pretty cool.  All these songs felt like some dudes just jamming.  I wish I could do that stuff.

So Clapton took back sole focus and played some more blues songs that I can't name but thoroughly enjoyed for all the above mentioned reasons.  Meanwhile, to my astonishment, time was apparently flying.  He went on at 8:30 and it was now 10pm.  But the ultimate combo was about to be thrown...

Clapton walks toward the side of the stage and starts playing a riff that I immediately recognize as the intro to "Wonderful Tonight."  I start screaming!  It was beautiful, man.  The song already is but to hear the man who felt it, wrote it down, and stringed it out perform it, is like being in the presence of the supernatural (no, not Santana, he wasn't there).  I think I might be in-love with this song.

As if I couldn't feel any better, Clapton walks away again and I hear the riff.  Yes,THE RIFF.  LAYLA!  I'm going nuts.  Hollywood's going nuts (I went with Hector "Hollywood", I see I failed to mention that).  We're all going nuts.  It's better than sex!  And to my surprise, there was a slight pause and then they played THE WHOLE PIANO PART!  You could've drilled to China with my nipples.  And this concludes the show.  Or does it???????

Clapton walks off and so does the rest of the band and we, the crowd, are going apeshit.  He really makes us work for our encore and we are more than happy to.  So the band makes their way back on-stage and out comes Clapton and Robert Cray as well.  They break into "Crossroads" with Robert Cray singing.  It is phenomenal.  There's not a dry seat in the house.  Clapton eventually reclaims the mic, does a verse, and then he and Cray duet the last verse and chorus.  Then it's ring, ring, ring, ring, ring... ring... ring... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing... ring!  And the last notes are played.  Clapton says thanks and walks off with an arm around Cray.

Meanwhile: Hollywood had taken off for the bathroom at the start of the encore.  He'd had about 6 beers.  We meet up after most of the crowd is gone and his hat is gone.  He tells me that, instead of the bathroom, he went down to where Clapton was going to walk and waited.  Then when they all came off stage, Hollywood was yelling and Clapton waved, and in typical Hollywood fashion, he threw his hat at the rock legend.  It hit Clapton in the shoulder, he promptly picked it up, offered it to his background singers (classy, I think), and when they declined, he dropped it on the floor.  And he was gone.

I'm stunned as always by this story.  But most of all, I was stunned and awed by Mr. Eric Clapton.  I have been a fan and I will continue.  Now I have a memory, a live one, that I can carry and an sweet story to tell.  Thank you, Sir.

And now for a little treat for you, my kiddies!  Here's a little something I brought back for you.  Enjoy it as much as I did (despite picture unclarity).

Brainal Leakage

Hey, kids!  No, this blog isn't about Craig's List.  I just feel like giving you all "the skinny" on what's new in my life.

I'm not an insomniac anymore (knock on wood, if I believed wood knocking actually protected anything, ever).  That's good news.  Regular sleep patterns and whatnot.  For a while there, I was passing-out, and I mean no chance of staying awake, at 11:30pm but that's all gone now.  Hooray!

Have I been more productive now that my hours are more in-line with the living?  Not really.  I haven't touched any scripts that I was writing/rewriting.  I just haven't been inspired to.  Much like blogging, I gotta have some motive or muse.  Lately, it had been Craig's List.  I'm trying not to fall into any trends here (i.e. too many surveys, rants, pictures).  Script ideas haven't been making their way to my head though.  I've got time but I need inspirada.  Your suggestions or ideas are welcome but you all seem to lack the ability to even leave comments these days.  I'm not bitter, I'm just saying...

Along those lines, if you've ever got a story, or even just an idea (the metaphorical light bulb), send it my way.  Who knows what I can do with it!  Really!  Seriously, I hope I will.  I give credit to people.  Ask anyone.  I thank everybody.  It's what I do.  People said, "Hey, look here," when I was location scouting my filmie and guess whose names ended up in the credits?  Was it yours?  Well, get to work then.  Plus, if you learned one thing from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, it's that ideas equal money at some point.  That's green in your pocket, my friends.  I could've sold cars with this stuff I'm saying.  Or hell, write stuff!  Save me the step.  When I read, I see pictures and when I see pictures, I makes pictures.  Get it???  Awesome!

Hey, anyone interested in my golf game?  Probably not.  I didn't do too bad, by my standards.  I'm not making Tiger Woods sweat but I'll rodger that Michelle Wie, I will, I will!  When she's legal, of course.  My swing came back fairly nicely, and quickly too.  And I can really put a wollup (spelling?) on the ball.  It's awe-inspiring really.  It never ceases to surprise me how good it feels to hit a ball with a blunt object.  SCHPEEEOOOOOO!  And there it goes.  Nice.

So you feel as though you haven't lost your Aaron completely, I do have one commercial that I must complain about, for the good of the land.  Have you seen this Cox Cable commercial, where this guy's talking to the phone service dude about giving his number to "3 smokin' hot ladies" the previous night?  And he asks the phone dude the odds of them all calling at the same time and jamming up the line.  Phone dude says, "One in a billion."  Doofus says, "So you're saying there's a chance!"  Yeah, that one.

First off, the punchline (and I think we all know this) is a complete ripoff of aDumb and Dumber joke.  Lloyd says the line to Mary Swanson, when she tells him the lottery-like odds that she'd ever date him.  I know, I know, if you're gonna ripoff a movie line, it's best to rip off a classic.  I'm sure the line's been said elsewhere too but this is the most recent, popular example (D & D).  Ripoffs are bad, worse when they don't induce a laugh the second time.  Shame on Cox (hehe, cocks).

Secondly, could the lonely doofus in the commercial be any less informed about the 3-day-rule?!  No one calls the day after.  This is world-renowned stuff.  It's code.  It's life.  Even the most pathetic cock-nozzle (coined this term!) knows that.

My conclusion is simple: Cox Cable is insulting our intelligence.  They're not the first company to do it, they won't be the last but I cannot sit idly by while someone even snickers at this commercial.  I can't do it.  It is my calling. 

Wait, hang on, my phone's ringing... Oh.  It's the jerk store and they want meback.  Well, I guess the jokes on me then.  Goodnight!  :-P  Pbbbth!!!

Smallest World

Hey, Kids!  So I've been doing some more Craig's List hunting and I came across an ad that made me again realize what a small world we live in.  Here it goes:

Title: "Prince Charming? -23" 

Body: "So I have posted before but didn't seem to have much luck...I am just looking for a nice guy who has goals, ambition and a good head on his shoulders. I went to college on a full-ride softball scholarship and graduated with a degree in public relations. I currently work in the advertising industry. I enjoy sports, sporting events, spending time with my friends and family. I look for someone who is just an all around gentlemen, educated and truly knows how to treat a girl right. I am not much of a party girl, don't get me wrong I like to have a good time I just don't have to be at a bar every weekend. Please send a picture with your response."

See, this girl randomly contacted me via MySpace around December '05.  Needless to say she was interested (I am quite the stud) but I was seeing some crazy bitch at the time (whom I also met on MySpace).  Also, I wasn't diggin' this (pictured above) chick's face.  I keeps it real.  So I let her know politely that I wasn't interested.  Not the first time I've said it, won't be the last.  Clearly, she is still heartset on finding a man on the 'net.  I don't get that approach.  Don't people say "Hi, I'm mildly interested in fucking you," in person anymore? 

I'm really not trying to be mean here.  I'm just saying, "Lookie what I found!  I knew her, sorta!"

Anyhoo, I thought I'd share this discovery with youse guys.  Since I got a rousing 0 comments on the previous blog, I'll assume you're all A-okay with me posting this stuff.  Obviously, I've upped the ante.  There's no name so she's still protected and hopefully, she's still not looking at my page and will see this.  Either way the pics will disappear when her ad does.  Too far though, folks, or just right? 

Whateva!  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Keep It On The CL

Hey, kids!  So I've been bored and out of work and awake (though not in an insomniac sort of way anymore) and I've been dodging productivity by perusing the "more interesting" sections on Craig's List.  You can find some really "neat" things on there.  


Here's what I found in the Missed Connections section:

Title: "cute 'hipster' guy that came into cheetahs and asked me for a dance - w4m - 23"

Body: "last friday night. you asked me for a lapdance after i got off stage but i got caught up with someone else for a while. when i came back and looked for you you were MIA. your friend saw me and asked me for a dance and i ended up doing one for him instead. you had brown hair and gauged ears and your friend i did the dance for had curly hair and his name started with a D.

just wanted to let you know that you're one of the few people that i've seen come into the club that i actually thought was attractive/my type. next time i'll have to give you a 'discount' haha..get back at me if you find this."

And here I thought I was the hopeless romantic.

So there you have it.  Fun stuff, right?  I find it all very fascinating and I also find it slightly disturbing how little people know/care about capitalization and grammar.  I don't know if I'm gonna make this an official segment but I think it's funny.  What do you guys and gals think?  Is nice? 

Doozy From Stuzy

Name:: Aaron
Age:: 24
Height:: 5'11", I might be 6' if other people are right about their height.
Eye Color:: Green
Hair Color:: Dirty Blonde, mostly dirty.
Shoe Size:: 12
Ring Size:: Sausage Link
Hometown:: San Diego is my home
Birth Place:: Chicago, Illinois. ILLNOISE, aha I get it!
Nickname(s):: Aaroon, PolarBear, Great White, Captain America
# of Siblings:: 1- Chrissy
Parents still together:: Nearly 35 years
# of Pets:: 2 dogs
Names of Pets:: Mishu (15), Roxie (1 and half)

ODD
Do you eat w/ your elbows on the table:: Only when I eat pizza. Gotta get leeeeeeeeverage.
Can you swallow pills:: Many. My greatest achievement.
Do you like cheese:: It is me and I am it.
Do you ever eat so much you want to puke:: Not puke. Shit maybe.
Would you ever shave your dog:: With clippers or a straight razor?
Do you like beans:: God no.
Would you date Donald Trump:: Not for all his money, the sleazebag.
Would you marry Regis Philbin:: Would I?! No.
How many bags of groceries can you carry:: At least 20 million easy.
Can you play UNO:: Probably. Probably not well.
Can you say the months backwards:: Just did it.
How long can you hold your breath:: Not long
Can you swim under water w/o pluggin your nose:: I just can't jump in without plugging.
Do you like ants:: Nah. Ants pretty much lick balls.

FAVORITES
Dog:: Corgi's are really badass
Cat:: Tiger
Color:: Dark Green
Movie:: I have a list, you read it!
Book:: Goodbye to Good Ol' Charlie by P.J. Petersen
Magazine:: MAD
Holiday:: Halloween and Christmas
TV Show:: Scrubs, 24, The Daily Show, Lost, The Colbert Report, The Sarah Silverman Program (BEST NEW SHOW, EVER)
Brand of Shoe: Vans
Brand of Pants:: All pants are lame now. I'll fade my own jeans thank you!
Store:: Best Buy
Channel:: ESPN, Comedy Central
Food:: American
Drink: So-duh
Way of Transportation:: Flying. Me flying. It'd be awesome.
Word:: Bourgeois, facetious
Number:: 13
Sport: Baseball
Game:: TOASTIE!!!
Letter:: A
Smell:: I don't know
Purfume/Cologne:: Cool Water: It's what's for dinner.
Brand of Make-up:: None, for me.
Shampoo: Pert Plus. 2 in 1, motherfuckers!
Soap:: Dial for Men. Manly manly men...
Body Wash:: None.
Time of the day:: "The night time is the right time..."
Day of the week:: Friday or Saturday
Thing to do on the weekend:: Kick it.
Person to hang out w/:: The world!
Actor:: Tom Cruise. Eat it, motherfuckers!
Actress:: Audrey Tautou
Singer:: Bob Marley
Group:: Jimmy Eat World
Place to be:: Home
Person to talk to:: Me!
Person to talk about:: Bradski
Late Night Talk Show:: Conan
Talk Show:: None
Season:: Fall
Car:: Pathfinder
Truck:: None
State:: California
City:: San Diego
Country:: USA! USA! USA!
Road:: Less traveled
Resturant:: La Bella
Bar:: None (heh, I just got this)
Club:: None
Kind of Bed:: Huge!
Pillow:: Huge!
Stuffed Animal:: A.L.F.
Blanket:: My old-timer
Piece of Clothing:: Pujols jersey
Thing to shop for:: DVDs
Quote:: Go suck a bag-a-dicks! -Louis C.K.
Website:: MySpace
Person to IM:: Butch
Myspace Page to Look at:: I don't know

FUTURE
Who do u want to Marry:: "The greatest love of all..."
How many kids:: 2 or 3 or 9
How many pets:: 1 at a time
What kind of Pets:: Dog
Where will you live:: A shantytown
What kind of house:: A shack at last count
What kind of car/truck:: Hybrid ass-kicker
What will most of your money be spent on:: DVDs
Any habits you will get rid of:: Being less cynical when nobody asked me.  Sorry, Jamie.
Any habits you will pick up:: A better work ethic
Any memberships:: PayPal..?
What kind of vacations:: Long and relaxing
Where will your honeymoon be:: Away from the shack, duh.
Where will you buy groceries:: Not Walmart, no matter what.

THOUGHTS
Red:: Dead
Santa:: Claws. Muhahahahahahhahaha...
Rainbows:: So Gay
Diamonds:: Promote slavery
Parties:: YAY!
Alcohol:: Tastes bad
Music:: Rocks
Dogs:: Poop
Cats:: Die
Fish:: Raw
Meat:: YES!
Noodles:: Noodlie
Cheese:: On everything
Skanks:: Dated my share
Preppy boys:: Kill
Blondes:: Eh
Brunettes:: Love 'em
Outdoors:: Sun? No!
Winter:: Less nice
Summer:: Too nice
Fall:: Nice enough
Spring:: Okay
Pants:: Not if I can help it
Shoes:: Vans
Socks:: Never without
Flip Flops:: Lame
Books:: Enjoyable
Internet:: Evil, in the good way.
Myspace:: Spammers
Ice:: Cube
Beer:: Cube
Sundays:: Football
Weekends:: Chill
Shorts:: Life
Shaving:: Hurts
Long hair:: Great on chicks
Short hair:: Yogaflame!
Red Hair:: Very few pull it off
Long sleeves:: Mostly unnecessary
Turtle Necks:: Wholly unnecessary
Fire:: Bon-
Police:: Bonfire killers
Jail:: Buzzkill
Stealing:: Hearts, takin' names
Running:: Tiring
Pills:: Republicans
Drugs: "Only skeevy-stoners fart."
Smoking:: Pole
Sleeping:: Forever
Energy Drinks:: Lame
Sand:: Not crack compatible
Water:: Wet
Skateboards:: Never again
Roller Skates:: Can't go backwards
Punctuation:: Where's it go?
Spelling:: Slipping Away
Quizzes:: Entertainment. On MySpace anyway.
Tests:: No mas.
Doctors Offices:: Annoying
Dentists:: Mostly awful. Yes, I'm an anti-dentite.
Lying:: Sometimes necessary
Crying: Rarely necessary
Cheating:: Wholly awful. More like whorely awful.