You Wanna Suck My What???

Oh... Blood...  For a second there, I was like "Whoa," you know?

Hey, kids!  If you haven't guessed already (by all means try right now), this blog is about vampires.

See, I got to thinking the other day about how vampires are afraid of/hurt by crosses/crucifixes, and so I thought, why don't they just attack Jews?  Or Muslims?  Hindus?  Buddhists?  Daoists?  Shintos?  Zorastrians? 

Atheists?  Wait, they don't believe in vampires.

Agnostics?  Wait, they're not sure if they believe in vampires or not.

Why don't they go after them?  Are vampires RACISTS???

The vampires in the Blade movies had the right idea.  They hung out in LA.  They could hit every film executive in Hollywood, and they'd still have Malibu yet!  Right, Mel??? 

SUGARTITS!

Also, ooh think about it, the groups mentioned above (exception of the last two "groups") are less likely to have a bunch of garlic lying around.  Or holy water for that matter.

Anyhow, it would just seem to me to be a smarter plan of action to try to drain the blood of people who don't have weapons to use against you.

Like werewolves, you kill them with silver bullets, right?  Why not attack pacifists?  Seems like it could work.

Freddy Kreuger, Jason, and Michael Myers (YEEEAH BABY!) have the right idea by attacking teenagers.  Think about it.  Teenagers are generally frantic, unfocused, stupid, and have less knowledge/access to weapons (unless they gangstas).  It's brilliant.

And vampires are supposed to be suave, slick motherfuckers.  You'd think this shit would've crossed their minds at some point.  They're probably just as dense as the human dudes who think they're suave like male models, The Pickup Artist, jocks, Bret Michaels, David Caruso, douchebags, and politicians (or were the last two redundant?).

Well, whatever.  Fuck 'em, right?  Yeah.  Fuck vampires.  And mummies!  Yeah!  Alright, I'm delirious.  Goodnight, and good suckin', kids!

:-P   Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!