1. Your name?
Lucifer
2. So what's your team?
St. Louis Cardinals
3. Could you name the minor league affiliates of your favorite team?
AAA- Memphis Redbirds, and fuck if I know...
4. How about the scouting staff?
Jim Leyland was one, before a slightly better job came up.
5. What ballparks have you visited?
PETCO, Qualcomm, and Wrigley Field.
6. Do you do the wave?
Never. I don't live in my team's city, so why would I? And I certainly never do it while the home team is batting! Stupid SoCal fans...
7. What is the tastiest ballpark food you've ever had?
None. It makes me feel gross just thinking about it.
8. Is Wrigley Field really worth all its novelty?
Fuck your mother if you disagree.
9. Did you get sucked into all the Bonds hype?
Barry Bonds is quite possibly the greatest baseball player ever; steroids or not. I'm glad to have seen him play.
10. Red Sox or Yankees?
Fuck 'em! I almost hate the Red Sox more now because of their "supposed" underdog status. Your 200 million dollar payroll says otherwise. You won your World Series, now shut the fuck up for thenext 86 years.
11. Cubs or White Sox?
Cubs, god love 'em.
12. Giants or A's?
Giants, but they suck so hard. But they've got better uniforms and a better ballpark. And Omar Vizquel is my homeboy.
14. How much is too much for a beer?
Any much.
15. Would you rather be sat on by David Wells or Prince Fielder?:
Prince Fielder. At least he could get up afterwards.
16. Have you ever met Tony LaRussa?
Not yet. Who knows. I'm still a little upset over how he handled Ozzie Smith's last season.
17. What's the longest-inning game you've watched?
On TV, I've watched at least a 15 inning game.
18. What's the longest-inning game you've attended?
Probably only 10 innings.
19. What's the worst you've gone through to attend a ballgame?
It was raining the morning of the Cubs game I went to, so we thought they'd cancel it. The wind in the city (hehe, "Windy City") moved the rain out of town and we were able to make it by the 2nd inning.
20. Don't you hate it when games are rained out?
It's never happened to me, as you've read above.
21. You can give any MLB player a hug (without him having to call the cops or security.) Who is it?
Well, that's just weird. This was written for women or something. If they'd just won a big game, I guess Jim Edmonds. He's my favorite player, and he's got more Gold Gloves than your mom's got teeth.
22. Are you on one of those migratory quests to visit every Major League Ballpark?
I'd love to.
23. The Milwaukee Sausages or the Pittsburgh Pirogies?
First of all, it's pierogis. Second of all, I'd choose the sausage. There's no way to make that sound un-gay.
24. In your ballgame-attending experience, what team has the most annoying fans?
I don't have much experience with many fans other than Padre fans. They're kind of annoying because they don't know much about the game. Dodger fans are pretty lame in general. Yankees fans can eat a dick.
25. Would you rather run into Ozzie Guillen or Lou Piniella in a dark alley?
Sweet Lou's is 64. Ozzie's 43. You do the math.
26. Are you/have you ever been "that guy?" (The guy who stands by the player's parking lot before and after each game with a binder full of baseball cards.)
Nah. I'm too busy catching homeruns in batting practice.
27. Should Canada have another baseball team?
Sure, Vancouver. The AL West needs another team. But they should really move the Brewers back to the AL anyway.
28. The NL Central: it sure does suck, doesn't it?
Fuck you. It's an off-year.
29. Who do you'll think we'll see in the World Series?
I'd guess Anaheim and... the Mets probably. Kind of a snoozer but I'd root for the Angels.
30. And finally, who do you think will win it all?
Certainly not the Yankees! HA-HA Fuck 'em!
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