Strapped, Capped, and Wrapped

Hey, kids!  It's time for an installment of a series I like to call Aaron takes on... 

Tonight, Aaron takes on... Celibacy.

Let me just start by saying, everybody has choices to make in their lives and they are free to make them whenever, wherever, and however they like, most laws permitting.  However, some choices I see are misguided.

This leads me to the celibate lifestyle.  I just don't get it.  How does one come to the decision?  Where does the decision come from?  The answer to the second question seems fairly simple, Religion.  Christianity, the religion I'm most familiar with, teaches it.  But, like most things I was taught as a boy, I find it to be completely gonzo-bonkers-nuts.

Let me explain.  Originally, the practice of celibacy started as a reaction to the decadence of the Roman Empire in the early A.D.s.  As I see it, the practice of celibacy amongst modern youths is a reaction to decadent lifestyles and/or promiscuous lifestyles that they see on MTV or Maury Povich.  I agree, that shit's retarded.  But I see celibacy as a very extreme reaction to a fairly instinctual human impulse.  Spread the seed and whatnot. 

Now, I'm not in favor of spreading seeds around by any stretch.  I've got no desire to procreate at this early juncture in my life and that's fine if you don't either.  But, like I said, it's rather extreme to cut yourself off altogether.

It's also plain to see that the world is overpopulated and the last thing we need is more children with children or children without homes.  Not to mention the growing number of STDs out there.  But is celibacy, or even abstinence, the answer?  I say no.  If you're concerned about pregnancy or STDs, then you better have it strapped, capped, and wrapped before you get with the freakie-deakies.  Frankly, with all that armor on, you'll probably end up chapped as a result, but that's the price of safety.

And that's the thing.  That's the price of safety, protecting yourself.  Not some archaic Middle Ages practice of waiting until the wedding night.  You don't shoot yourself in the face when you have a cold, do you?  Then why do the same to your natural sexual urges?

If you don't want to be a whore or a slut, don't be a whore or a slut.  It's that simple.  No need to go and close yourself off to the possibility that you can havepremarital sex and still be a good person.

Now, to address the belief that limiting your number of sexual experiences somehow makes "the experience" special, I gotta say wrong here too.  You and your partner make things special.  If what you feel for each other is true, then what difference does it make whether it's both of your firsts as opposed to his third and her second?  Are you that insecure?  If you are, maybe you shouldn't be together in any sense, physically or emotionally.  Are you afraid that the other person will have another experience to compare yours to, favorably or otherwise?  Again, if you're paranoid, maybe a relationship isn't for you in the first place.

If you want to wait for love, wait for love.  That's fine, but why wait for a pair of rings and a piece of government issued paper?

Religion can tell you many fine stories.  But I don't think in any case that it should define you.  I don't think that the pope has any right to tell you what to do with your significant others anymore than you can tell him what he can do with his fancy robes and his funny hats. 

Have fun and be safe, that's all you need to know.  Take it seriously, I do.  But be a little more understanding and be a hell of a lot more modern about it, otherwise I'll think you're crazy.  I don't want you to be crazy, kids.

I know I don't have much experience from which to speak.  But if you're celibate and you're reading this (still), I'm more experienced than you.  I'm not a bad person and I don't think you are.  I just think you've heard a bad argument.

And lastly, to anyone who takes this all wrong and gets angry at me for communicating my opinion, I have something inspirational to say to you too:

GET BLOWN!  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Second Helping

Hey kids!  Time for some more thoughtsies.

- I don't like the term, "bitch slapped."   For some reason, it seems redundant.  Or that it's too many words to say something so simple.  Plus, there's really no difference between a bitch slap and a pimp slap, so why make the distinction?

- I hate the phrase, "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas."  It's SOoo fucking cliche.  We get it, we know it, it goes without saying.  I think anyone who says it now is too lame to do anything worth re-telling anyway.  People who say it seem to think they're so clever for pulling the phrase out too.  It's ridiculous.  It's a commercial, it's a slogan.  What's next, during conversation someone throws out, "Plop-plop Fizz Fizz?!" 

- I really am pretty sick of pirates at this point.  They've become goofy caricatures of what they used to be, dudes who would cut your nuts off for gold!  There is no pirate code.  You can't say parlay and expect them to not thrash you.  And I highly doubt there were any midget pirates.  Disney has turned Sir Francis Drake into Captain Crunch.  It's lame.  Can't wait for part 3 though!!!

- School starts on Monday.  Boooooooooooooo!

- I was flipping channels last night and I saw that the show Next was on.  So like everyone else who watches the show, I stayed tuned to see if any of the contestants were hot.  The answer was no.  But what disturbed me more was that the girl that was being vied for made this dude wear some ridiculous cowboy clothes.  And that got me thinking.  We guys will do a lot of stupid shit for a chance at less the $100 or a date.  Think about it.  It's not just guys, I mean, when you think about the stupid shit we all do at our jobs for less than $100, there's some perspective. 

But it seems more like a guy's going to jump through worse hoops than a girl would.  Maybe that has something to do with our hormones, I don't know.  It's easy to see that some people on the show just want to win at all costs, no matter what the prize, but I find this to be somewhat representative of real life.  I'm sure my male readers can think of some dumb stuff they've done for a date or on a date, that wasn't their idea, so they could get another date or more...

It's a little degrading but then again that goes for anyone, not just dudes.  (I find it appropriate to pause here and tell you that I just beat my dog in a staring contest.  Yay!)  I know I've seen a few movies that I didn't really want to see.  The Watcher with Keanu Reeves, Bless the Child (Oy...), and The Art of War.  I guess if you like the company enough, or at least you think you do, you'll sit through some things, no matter how painful. 

But Next is about people as they meet for the first time.  That makes the acts seems a little more extreme, don't they?  But what do I know?  I'd kill to go seeThe Watcher with somebody I adore, today even.  And I highly doubt that she would say, "Next!"  So there. *sticks tongue out*

- Anyone else loving the World Series of Poker?  Well, I am. 

- I'm running out of things to say.  Any good writer will let you know when this starts to happen.  I think Poe ended his last poem (Poe:Poem, coincidence?) that way, and then promptly died in a gutter.  "So at least I've got that goin' for me."   :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

M.S.A.A.

Hello.  My name is Aaron and I'm a MySpace addict.  I log on at least twice an hour and I need help.

- So if you couldn't tell by the latest picture, I've been a little bored lately.  It's not that bad because, believe me, I have many more masks I haven't even thought about breaking out.  You must understand though that the picture is photographic faceity.  It's me abstractly making fun of the more self-absorbed MySpacers, just don't tell anyone.

- I find it somewhat telling that when I'm at a club and the song, "Promiscuous Girl" comes on, and every girl in the club goes nuts and does their best impression of how to best signify that they hate their fathers.  I'm seriously beginning to believe that every girl in the club is one crack deal shy of actually being a stripper.  I'm not judging, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I'm just telling you what I see.

- I got a new cell phone (Motorola L6), which you can see in my picture.  It's all sleek and high-tech looking, which means I'll probably break it in 3 months.  I've spent over an hour and a half on the phone with Cingular getting my internet and picture messaging straightened out.  The shitty part is that when they finally put me on with the tech people we fix it within 5 minutes.  So I say, why not put me straight through with them?  I mean, it's a toll-free call so Cingular isn't making a dime off of the time.  Oh well I guess.

- Have you seen the Little League World Series this year?  They've got a bunch of 13 year olds around my height or above, including one kid who is 6'8!  If this doesn't prove my theory about what we're feeding the cows, I don't know what does.

- Did I mention I have Videos?

- Finally, I apologize for making you all wait so long for a new blog.  I don't know what it is but I get on here and I look around for messages, comments, or whatever and my mind goes blank.  Luckily, not so much today so don't be surprised if there's more blogs to come.  Stay Classy, kids.   :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

My Shit List

Oh no, kids, it's gotten to that point.  The point where Aaron gets bored and then angry and he decides to write out a list of people and things that should probably die in a fire.  Here's my Shit List:

-The Bush Administration- For so many reasons.

-TV "Talent" Shows- I am so sick of people trying to get rich and famous for being "good-looking" and not being creative.  Make it happen on your own!  You don't need Regis or Simon Cowell.

-Simon Cowell- One of the least talented human beings on planet Earth.  Get a shirt that fits, buddy!

-Sean Hannity- You're not a patriot.  You're an asshole.

-Grown men (under age 90) who wear bow-ties- Seriously, grow the fuck up Tucker Carlson.  Only grandpas look cute in bow-ties.  Everyone else looks like a creepy douche.

-Bill O'Reilly- Speaking of creepy douches...

-Celebrity News Shows- This is near and dear to my heart.  Leave these people alone.  They work like everybody else and try to live peacefully.  They're not higher or better, and most of them would admit that.

-Colored dress shirts with white collars- When did men decide that not matching was a good idea?!  Honestly, you look like a slimeball.  Let's stick to solids, okay?

-Star Jones- Why are you famous again?  It doesn't matter, just go away.

-MTV- You don't play music anymore.  I'll grant you that there ain't much out there to show but seriously...

-Kids on MTV "Reality" Shows- This includes all the brats on Laguna Beach,The Hills, and My Super Sweet 16.  You spoiled little punks!  May you die homeless and penniless.  Then maybe you'll have learned something about life.

-The New York Yankees- You just have to be here.

-The makers of Head-On- I'm sure it's a great product but you're commercials are beyond lackluster.

-Chris Rose- This guy hosts The Best Damn Sports Show Period, which in itself deserves to be on this list.  But this man could suck the life out of an elephant when he tries to be funny.  He is Seacrest-times-ten.

-Desperate Housewives- This show is neither fun nor entertaining.

-Joan Rivers- This pretty much explains itself.

-"Celebreality" Shows- Goddammit!  Are we that depraved?!

-Jaywalkers- Seriously, what's your hurry???

-Skateboarders and Goths that wear SUPER-tight pants- I don't fancy seeing your genitals, let alone through your clothing.  Plus, it can't be good for circulation.

-Richard Gere- You smug prick.

-Tom Brady- He's a great quarterback.  I'm just tired of his face.

-People who think Kate Moss is hot- This may include former-boyfriend Johnny Depp.  Seriously, she's hideous.  How is she a model?!

-Paris Hilton- Whose list aren't you on?

-Direct to Video Sequels- Why?  Just why?  Leave the poor dead horse alone.  The well is dry.  Stop it.

-Face-lift guys- This includes, but is not limited to, Burt Reynolds, Sylvester Stallone, and most unfortunately "The Gambler" Kenny Rogers.  You're not fooling anybody.  And it's sad really.  Now you just look like old lizard balls.  Men look better with age and wrinkles, ask the ladies.

-Wrestling "storylines"- Shut the fuck up and leg drop somebody through a barbwire table that's on fire.

-Dudes who workout too much- There comes a point where you spend more time in the gym than you do hanging out with chicks.  Once you cross that point, you're on the list.  The Fonz was cool (and still is) and he never went to the gym.  But he was always surrounded by women.  Think about it.

-Dennis Miller- What happened to you, man? *shakes head in disgust*

-Jerry Falwell- You're nuts, get over it!

-Pat Robertson- You too!

-People who wear climate conflicting clothing- This includes people who wear jeans and flip-flops or girls who wear skirts and Ugg boots.  Are you hot or are you cold?  Make a decision and dress accordingly.

-Jon Heder- He's probably a very nice guy (I mean, come on, he's mormon) but he is a one trick pony and his 15 minutes are up.

-People who use the term, "Awesomely Bad"- There's no such thing.  You're just trying to be PC and it's disingenuous.

And I think that's it!  Did I miss anybody?

Wait for it... Wait for it...

Here it comes, kids.  It's a never-ending struggle within my own head that I now bring to you (whether you want it or not).

It's an EMO BLOG!

Well, here I am.  A month and a half removed from a relationship that I thought had potential (maybe even real potential this time) but it ended because she was too busy and needed time for herself (actual truth, I've sought expert witnesses).  Of course, she still wanted to be friends but I know what it's like to want somebody, who's literally right there, that you can't have in that way and so after some thought, I told her I couldn't do it.  I didn't want to put myself through it, again. 

I deleted her number, deleted her from my Friend's List, and even went as far as deleting all her comments (you all might have noticed, if you pay that close attention but I don't expect you to) because they reminded me too much of what was going right with us.  I know myself well enough to know that when "things don't work out" with a girl, I need space so I can heal.  I need time to get over it.  And deleting all that stuff helps.  It becomes a clean break.

But of course there was a snag.  She remained a blog subscriber (I love you all) until last week.  So I was never totally rid of her and I was powerless to become so.

What also helps me get over someone is being able to say, "That bitch is crazy" or "I'm better off" or "That wouldn't have worked anyway."  It puts a positive on the way things worked out.  But I haven't been able to find that for her.  It's not that there aren't other girls out there or that I'm in any kind of hurry to find one (though the clock is ticking before I move to Hollywood, January or February, people, Get your fill of me).  This girl was, or is, unique.  You know, in the good ways.

I don't know.  Maybe I'm full of shit but it has possessed my thoughts for this past month and change.  Nary a day has gone by where I haven't checked her MySpace (the record was about 3 days in a row where I didn't, "That's what we call a winning-streak...").  The fact that she has a music page (cause she's a musician) hasn't made things easier.  I get on her page, wait for the music player to load and click stop 50 billion times so I don't hear one note.  Her songs are still in my head though.  So it's been really tough.

MySpace doesn't help, I've noticed.  This is girl numero 2 that has had a page and no matter what you do, in a moment of weakness you can be right back there.  It's the cyberspace equivalent of driving past her house late at night (which I've seriously never done, ever, with any girl).  But my restraint wains, including just before I wrote this.  I even hit "Add to Friends" this time and thought of what I should say but nothing seems right. 

I mean, I want her back in my life, it was good to have her there.  But it wasn't that serious between us.  We were on the brink, I think.  My confidence wainspost hoc too.  So I'm kind of a wreck about it.  I don't know what to do.  What will I gain?  Not in the material sense; it's almost like, what do I risk?  Hurting again?  Hurting more?  Will it ever be enough?  What's the point?  Does it make me seem clingy?  I don't have answers to these questions.

I've always been (or at least have been for a while) the kind of guy who throws caution to the wind when it comes to my heart.  I just say what I'm feeling because at least it's out there.  As I've matured, I've learned to be reserved about it because nobody likes an emo lunatic (except an emo lunatic, which I'm not into).  I don't want to say things that I don't feel just to "win," you know?  I've said some pretty ridiculous shit in my short time on this oscillating blue orb called Earth, and believe me, I don't ever want to repeat that nonsense. 

But I do want to "win."  Just not at the cost of my integrity.  I don't want to over-inflate my feelings.  A word like "love" would be unnatural (way too soon) and inappropiate in this case and I want to save that word for when it's truly there.  Here, it would have been a lie, or madness.

Ah goddammit.  I don't know where I'm going with this.  It's helping to get it out of me.  This man loves catharsis.  Maybe this is juvenile but at the very least, it's keeping me from doing what I almost did before I wrote this.  Your opinions are welcomed, in a comment or something more private.  I know the details aren't all here but just understand that I take this very seriously and I wouldn't bother my blog-buddies if it wasn't real for me.  I hope things are going better for you all. 

I'll be okay, eventually.