Oh no, kids, it's gotten to that point. The point where Aaron gets bored and then angry and he decides to write out a list of people and things that should probably die in a fire. Here's my Shit List:
-The Bush Administration- For so many reasons.
-TV "Talent" Shows- I am so sick of people trying to get rich and famous for being "good-looking" and not being creative. Make it happen on your own! You don't need Regis or Simon Cowell.
-Simon Cowell- One of the least talented human beings on planet Earth. Get a shirt that fits, buddy!
-Sean Hannity- You're not a patriot. You're an asshole.
-Grown men (under age 90) who wear bow-ties- Seriously, grow the fuck up Tucker Carlson. Only grandpas look cute in bow-ties. Everyone else looks like a creepy douche.
-Bill O'Reilly- Speaking of creepy douches...
-Celebrity News Shows- This is near and dear to my heart. Leave these people alone. They work like everybody else and try to live peacefully. They're not higher or better, and most of them would admit that.
-Colored dress shirts with white collars- When did men decide that not matching was a good idea?! Honestly, you look like a slimeball. Let's stick to solids, okay?
-Star Jones- Why are you famous again? It doesn't matter, just go away.
-MTV- You don't play music anymore. I'll grant you that there ain't much out there to show but seriously...
-Kids on MTV "Reality" Shows- This includes all the brats on Laguna Beach,The Hills, and My Super Sweet 16. You spoiled little punks! May you die homeless and penniless. Then maybe you'll have learned something about life.
-The New York Yankees- You just have to be here.
-The makers of Head-On- I'm sure it's a great product but you're commercials are beyond lackluster.
-Chris Rose- This guy hosts The Best Damn Sports Show Period, which in itself deserves to be on this list. But this man could suck the life out of an elephant when he tries to be funny. He is Seacrest-times-ten.
-Desperate Housewives- This show is neither fun nor entertaining.
-Joan Rivers- This pretty much explains itself.
-"Celebreality" Shows- Goddammit! Are we that depraved?!
-Jaywalkers- Seriously, what's your hurry???
-Skateboarders and Goths that wear SUPER-tight pants- I don't fancy seeing your genitals, let alone through your clothing. Plus, it can't be good for circulation.
-Richard Gere- You smug prick.
-Tom Brady- He's a great quarterback. I'm just tired of his face.
-People who think Kate Moss is hot- This may include former-boyfriend Johnny Depp. Seriously, she's hideous. How is she a model?!
-Paris Hilton- Whose list aren't you on?
-Direct to Video Sequels- Why? Just why? Leave the poor dead horse alone. The well is dry. Stop it.
-Face-lift guys- This includes, but is not limited to, Burt Reynolds, Sylvester Stallone, and most unfortunately "The Gambler" Kenny Rogers. You're not fooling anybody. And it's sad really. Now you just look like old lizard balls. Men look better with age and wrinkles, ask the ladies.
-Wrestling "storylines"- Shut the fuck up and leg drop somebody through a barbwire table that's on fire.
-Dudes who workout too much- There comes a point where you spend more time in the gym than you do hanging out with chicks. Once you cross that point, you're on the list. The Fonz was cool (and still is) and he never went to the gym. But he was always surrounded by women. Think about it.
-Dennis Miller- What happened to you, man? *shakes head in disgust*
-Jerry Falwell- You're nuts, get over it!
-Pat Robertson- You too!
-People who wear climate conflicting clothing- This includes people who wear jeans and flip-flops or girls who wear skirts and Ugg boots. Are you hot or are you cold? Make a decision and dress accordingly.
-Jon Heder- He's probably a very nice guy (I mean, come on, he's mormon) but he is a one trick pony and his 15 minutes are up.
-People who use the term, "Awesomely Bad"- There's no such thing. You're just trying to be PC and it's disingenuous.
And I think that's it! Did I miss anybody?
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