The Hot Stinky Cheese

Hey kids!  This blog is for baseball fans, of which I am king.  So here goes:

Roger Clemens signed with the Houston Astros today for 22 million dollars (I wish it was doll hairs).  However, he will not make a major league start until June 22nd against the Minnesota Twins.

Why would this bother me?  It's not like the Astros are going to get past my Cardinals and win the World Series.  This I know.

What bothers me is that the Rocket (Clemens) was on every sports show today exclaiming how he's coming back to win a World Series in Houston.  That's fine, that's respectable.  But he also felt the need to point out that he's not doing it for the money.

And that is where the record scratches.

Come the hell on, Rog.  The money had nothing to do with it?!  Now you're just kidding yourself.

History shows that when he originally retired after losing the 2003 World Series, Clemens decided to come back and pitch for Houston in 2004 for a whopping 5 million bucks.

Then he played the "Wait and See" game with the Astros prior to the 2005 season, eventually signing for 18.5 million smackers, the highest salary for any pitcher in the history of baseball.

And now he comes out of pseudo-retirement again for 2006 (after holding 4 teams ransom), gets paid 22 million, and expects anyone to believe it ain't about the payoff?!  Excuse me while I kiss the sky... Cause clearly he believes that I am nuts.

I don't doubt that he wants to win the big prize for Houston, I know he had somewhat genuine concerns about whether or not he could still pitch at age 43, and everybody knows he wants to play on a team with his oldest son, Koby.  I don't argue against these points.  I just think it's more than slightly disingenuous for him to say money wasn't a factor.  If there's one thing I learned from the Bush family, it's never trust a Texan. 

If all you want to do is win, then play for 5 million clams again.  It'll feed your kids, Sprewell!

You might recall A-Rod said the same thing when he got his 25.2 million/year deal from the Texas Rangers.  It also should be noted that Texas has no state income tax, so Roger's 22 mil will remain largely intact.

Money is good.  Get paid.  Just don't shrug it off like it didn't matter.  It did, it does, and it always will.  Keep it real, homie.

Another minor thing that has bothered me since 2003:  Why the hell does Clemens wear number 22 in Houston?  He is number 21!  He wore it in college, in Boston, and in Toronto.  That's a total of 16 years.

He couldn't wear it in New York because Paul O'Neill wore it and had been with the Yankees years prior to Clemens's arrival in '99 and O'Neill was near the end of his career.  That's understandable.  It ended up being only 4 years.

But in Houston, friend and former Yankee teammate, Andy Pettitte signed a few months before Clemens, got number 21 (having worn number 46 as a Yankee), and Clemens had to wear 22 again.  Never struck me as right.  Now going into his 23rd sure Hall of Fame season, he's got a 22 on his back again.  It's probably not going to change but I thought the point about the number should be made, by somebody.

On a more relevant note: My favorite player, Jim Edmonds, is headed to the disabled list after suffering what they're saying is probably a sports hernia or abdominal tear.  Not cool.  But at least he hurt himself doing what he does best; making an unbelievable balls-out diving catch.  He tried to play through it, which too is admirable.  Let's hope for a quick recovery.

On a more personal note:  I ain't got shit to complain about.  How about that?!  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Free Money is Me Money

Hey kids!  I'm a lot less angry than in my last blog and I'll tell you why.  See, I've been going to SDSU for 5 full years now and I've been using student loans to cover the costs of my "learning shit." 

As it stands now, I'm about 20 grand in debt.  That's right, 20,000 smackers.

As I head into my final (and I mean it) semester, I only expect that number to get larger.  It'll most likely be another 2300 bucks.

But of course since the world gets screwier by the minute, the federal government has decided to finally be the dear, dear pal they've always promised to be and they're giving me 3200 clams.  Straight up, free money.

That would leave me with about 1800 greenbacks (that's not a racial slur) leftover for books and my final filmie (which will most likely be the biggest wallet-buster to date).  All free, no taxes, no repaying.

Why did they wait till my last semester to give me free money?  Simple.  So they wouldn't have to give me a lot of free money.

It's not like I'm complaining cause I will take the check, cash it, and fill up my bathtub with it (in singles, of course) and splash around until I come within minutes of contracting Hep. C.  Seriously, money is SOoo dirty (literally and figuratively).

So that's some pretty good news, although, I don't get the money till damned near September.  I suppose that's for the best.  Can you imagine what I would spend that money on at Comic-Con in July??? 

Can you say Lord of the Rings sword collection???  Lightsabers???  A nine-way with all the chicks dressed as Princess Leia, in the slavegirl bikini, fromReturn of the Jedi???  Such decisions...

Ahhh... But in September I will be far too occupied for such things.  So, it's a "Tip of the Cap" to Uncle Sam, as Stephen Colbert would say.  I'll do my best to spend it wisely, which does not mean high-stakes poker in Vegas, or anything else in Vegas for that matter.  What I really need now is a big mattress or a fancy suitcase with a lock on it, like in the movies.  Hmmm...

So I'd like to end this blog by saying, "I'm rich, Biatch!" or by singing the theme song from The Jeffersons but I'll spare you that.  I guess I'll just end it like I've always wanted to:

"Here's to champagne wishes and caviar dreams."  :-P Pbbbbbbbbth!!!

I Wish Jim Rome was Burning

Hey, kids!  So here's some things I'm burning on today:

Rant 1: Barbaro.  He's a fucking racehorse last time I checked, right?  So why all the media attention over his broken leg?!  I could give a shit.  Shoot the motherfucker.  Why should he be so special?  He's rich white peoples' problem, not mine.  So stop reporting his condition on ESPN and the Local and National News.  It's not news.  I love animals.  I love 'em when their humble and quiet.  Barbaro is no longer either.

Rant 2: MySpace trackers.  Why?  I could leave it at that, but I won't.  I know, when this idea first came out, even I looked into it.  But then I thought to myself, "You know what?  I'm not that self-important an egomaniac."  So I didn't get one.  How self-important are you?

Rant 3: "OH FUCK.  HAHAHAHA!" bulletins.  Post one and go fuck yourself.

Rant 4: 10.5: Apocalypse.  Did any of you catch this turd of a TV movie?  My parents were glued to it like it was the SuperBowl of Roots.  The thing was preposterous.  I mean, they actually had the head of FEMA doing something!  At least, for my sake, he died immediately afterward.  And the constant in and out zooms.  What kind of half-assed 24 were they trying to pull?!  Nausea successful.  Movie dreadful.  Hey!  That rhymes, and that's clearly the best thing to come out of the whole mess.

Rant 5: "The Steroid Era."  I am getting so sick of hearing this term float around baseball.  It's ridiculous.  Sports "reporters" refer to rising power numbers over the past 20 years as steroid related.  As if every player who ever has a good year, or hell, a good career, and breaks some record they hold precious because some player they used to watch as a kid held that record, is immediately followed the by the misnomer of steroids.  Numbers are rising because players are bigger and stronger than your father's baseball players.  That much is true. 

But what these "reporters" fail to acknowledge is that all sports have changed over the last 20 years because of one simple fact: People lift weights.  Good god!  What do you mean?  Ken Griffey Jr., Alex Rodriguez, and Albert Pujols, all widely acknowledged as "clean" players have lifted more weights in their lifetimes than Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, and Babe Ruth combined.  On any given night, before and after games, you can be sure to find regular players, and pitchers, in the weight room!  

Kids are lifting in early high school!  You can thank Arnold Schwarzenegger for increasing the popularity of weight-lifting too.  So players are going to continue to be bigger, stronger, and faster than ever before because of this fitness trend which has touched so much of our culture, beyond sports, and they're going to break records.  Cleanly.

And I can't even begin to discuss why it is that kids are as big as they are now; I think it's something we're feeding the cows.  The cows are juiced. 

I mean, I'm taller than both of my parents.  Should that even be possible?!  Not that I'm complaining. :-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Film Festival Spring '06: In Review

Hey kids!  So the oh-so-advertised SDSU student film festival was on Thursday and overall I think it was successful.  There were a ton of people there at the start.  If I had to guess, I'd say about 200.  Yeah, that's the ticket.

They decided to break up the filmies into 3rds and I think that was good idea.  It provided more breaks for those brave enough to stay what turned out to be 6 hours.  My dirty swear movie was playing toward the end of the 2nd Act.  And they misspelled my name in the damned program!  Ha-rumph!

ACT I:

The first 3rd was pretty damned good.  It got off to a slow start and had some down points but the 2nd half (yes, of the first 3rd) showed a ton of promise. 

It started off with my buddy Rick's film, Inheritance.  Now, I've seen close to 6 different cuts of this movie and he clearly saved the best for last.  The film had the audience by their short and curlies.  The score (from Red Dragon composed by Danny Elfman) really took the audience to "the scary place."  Kudos to Rick, Bruce, Gerry, and Andrew!

You know, I was just thinking, it's gonna take forever to go through my review of all the movies so I'm relegating this to just movies made by friends of mine.  So I continue:

"Next up" was The Car Salesmen, ("The Dream," as they refer to it) by Andrew and A.J, also the stars of the film.  The story borrowing humor from films likeAnchorman, hit the crowd with uncontrolled laughter on every joke.  I found myself in pain from what they were doing.  You guys were awesome.  Kudos to Andrew, A.J., Jen, and Dan! 

Moving on: I just wanna say that the beginning film kids are knockin' my socks off.  That said, I move forward again:

Deacon's Mondays by Lowell Frank and Destin Cretton was by far the best film in the festival.  It is exactly what a short film should be and I can't wait to see what these guys do next.  I am in awe, guys.

This concluded the first 3rd of the festival.  They gave out some awards (congrats to David and Bruce!) and Sean G. gave a poster (and more) to Greg P., my Yoda in the film department.  In the middle of the heart-felt presentation, Andrew busted in wearing a policeman's uniform looking for Greg.  Several of us, in turn, stood and said, "I am Greg Penetrante" a la Sparticus.  The whole crowd was supposed to get it and join in but that didn't really happen.  Well, it's the thought that counts...

ACT II:

So after a break, the second 3rd started.  I missed the first movie, which was really just a trailer to something (like I said, I didn't see it).  Things were going okay till a SUPER-long documentary came on that almost killed the mood altogether. 

Then came my buddy Colin's movie, Duke's Day.  It was good and I think the audience enjoyed it.  This was the 2nd cut of it that I had seen and all the changes really helped.  You could totally tell what was going on!  All the compositing also looked really good.  Kudos to Colin, CBC, Richard, and David!

There was a movie about window washing and I still don't get it.

Richard's cinematography project, Nowhere for Nothing, played after that and that too was good.  Gooey-Mob-goodness.  Extra Kudo for Richard!

Then they played a music video and I got pretty upset.  See, it was filmed at the same place as my movie, and included a confessional shot.  Not cool, man.  There can be only one...

Finally, it got to my movie (at around 11pm), Good Lord (both the title of the movie and what I said to myself as it came on).  My heart started pounding like it wanted out.  It got some laughs but not a whole lot and it left me feeling kind of disappointed.  I"ll get back to that at the end of this blog.

Another film from my class played after mine, Friends of the Apocalypse.  It got a ton of laughs and deservedly so.  Great job, guys.  Kudos to Nick, Felipe, Sharina, and yes, even Shira (I think)!

ACT III:

The third 3rd (yes, you read that correctly) opened with my buddy Jamaal's movie, Cult Leader 101.  It too got a ton-o-laughs.  No glitches, guys!  Awesome.  Kudos to Jamaal, Erik, Rian, and Yeyang!

Then came Gerry's, En Mis Suenos.  I'd seen this one before as well but not with full score and sound design.  Or subtitles.  I think it played very well.  The audience seemed to get it and enjoy it, what we all strive for.  The score, provided by the Red Pony Clock orchestra, sounded great too.  Kudos to Gerry (again), Rick (again), and Stephanie S.!

Next up was our resident GA, and All-Around-Good-Guy, Angel's documentary,In The Trenches.  It was a touching and personal story of his family's involvement in the military and their opposition to all frivolous wars, Iraq included.  Kudos to Angel!

Crap, I'm going WAY too long.  Long story short, there were some more good movies and a music video and then the festival ended at 1:20am. 

I went to the after-party and the gang was all there, and loving the booze!  People told me that they liked my movie, despite my feelings about the response.  I felt kind of like a widow at my wife's funeral being consoled by friends.  I don't doubt that their feelings were genuine, I'd just hoped for more at the festival.  But that's probably just me playing "saddest guy in the room" again, so just ignore me.

IN CONCLUSION:

It was all lots of fun, TFMers, and inspiring to boot.  Great job all around!  Show me more, show me more!  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

People like Filmies

Hey kids!  Just a reminder that our SDSU student film festival is tonight, Thursday May 18th.  It's in the Don Powell theater on campus.  Real easy to find.

My dirty swear movie will be playing at some point during the cinematic melee.

Pre-Show BBQ starts at 5:30.
Filmies start at 7:00.
Cost: $10.  Proceeds go to our Department.

You get a program and food!  What more could anyone ask for on a Thursday night?!  And you won't be missing Friends or Survivor, or anything! 

Come, show some love.

The End of Me as I Know it

Hey kids!  So for a long time now, maybe a month or so (that's a long time to a... butterfly, which clearly I am), I have been dealing with a brutal addiction. 

No, not to MySpace.  Although, that could really be an entirely different can of worms and a separate therapy session altogether.

No, what I am talking about is a ravaging drug that has invaded all of our homes, secretly and deceptively, and it has plagued the minds of all who have partaken in it.

Of course, I'm referring to Solitaire(the silent killer).  I have developed a nasty playing habit.  It has cost me sleep, probably my eyesight, and most definitely, time with the fairer sex (ladies, that means you).  Solitaire is everwhere.  It's on my PC (staring at me), it's on my I-Book (calling to me), in actual card-form (smells like home-made cookies) and they even have it on cell phones (thankfully not mine). 

Little Known Fact: Solitaire is the leading cause of death amongst bored white males between the ages of 23 and 24.

You must help me!  Whatever you can do will help.  Call, write, email and make plans with me.  Get me out of this house.  But don't let me bring my laptop(damned portable enabler). 

It's going to be a long summer (which starts Wednesday for me), kids, and we must keep me occupied.  This is your mission, should you choose to accept it.  :-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Our Dirty Swear Movie

Hey kids!  So I saw the rough cut of our dirty swear movie that I directed last Sunday.  For those that don't remember: Dude with tourette's syndrome goes to confession, hilarity ensues.

It's come out pretty good.  The lighting is fine.  The sound is good.  At first, the cut was missing a few beats but I pointed out some minor changes and now it fires on all cylinders. 

If it still makes me laugh, it's going good.  And it does!

Our professor has seen it and he likes it.  That's also very important.  It's going to be in the film festival at school, one way or another, unless there's some royal screwing going on.  It's good enough to get it done but if nobody watches it, what have you really done? 

Everyone should come to the festival.  Come see my dirty swear movie.  It's Thursday the 18th at 7pm at SDSU.  Call or message me for more info, details, or directions.

So that's got me pretty excited.  I've only got one final to go so that is also good.  Jim Edmonds (my favorite baseballer) is hitting finally.  The stresses are really melting away.

I haven't heard anything (not even a "Get Lost!") from the studios I applied to for internships this summer.  That's kind of a bummer but I'm looking on the bright side.  I'm gonna shoot something this summer (even if I have to write it first).  I've got to.  I gotta make something personal before the school system steals the opportunity from me.  I'll need money though (and a story, right?), as equipment won't be free.  Minor issues.

I'll actually be producing a short film at the end of summer (to get the free equipment from school, duh), which is kind of outside my realm.  Hear that (or read that), Jen?!  I know, it's crazy, but I believe in the story.  It should be fun, and nice and dramatic.  Ever hear of that, 260 kids???  Oh well, sour grapes...

Anywhoo, that's an update of where I'm at.  Where are you?  Seriously.  I can't see you.   :-P   Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Work Doodles Vol. 1

Hey kids! So I'm starting a new blog segment and it's called, "Work Doodles." Basically it consists of drawings I made while at work(oddly enough). In the interest of starting material, I have 3 drawings that I made a little over a year ago, give or take me forgetting when the hell I drew them (actually, late '04).

It should also be noted that there have been unfortunate casualties to my work doodles.  The first drawings I ever made at work, a dinosaur with an elephant on its [the dinosaur's] back and a lion strung out on heroin with his sidekick the squirrel on crack, were thrown away as I saw no use for them at the time. It was a low point for me, I know.

Anyhow, here they are:

So what do you think, kids?

Quiet Musings on a Boring Day

-Did you ever notice that a hot chick isn't quite as hot when she's walking out of a Babies-R-Us?

-Is it just me or does chocolate not taste as good when you're licking it off your shirt?  Or the couch?

-Am I alone in thinking that a shark wouldn't be scary if it had straight teeth?

-Are there noculars, for people with only one eye?  Or are those just telescopes?

-Do you think that if John Tesh, Yanni, and Kenny G made an album together, the world would end?

-You never see three-legged elephants.  I'm pretty happy about that.  It would look awful.