All I really need is someone like Phoebe...

Cates! For those of you blogfans that don't know, Phoebe Cates is the physical manifestation of the perfect girl for me.

For those of you who don't know who Phoebe Cates is, shame on you for living! Were you not alive in the 80's?! Remember Gremlins, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Private School, Drop Dead Fred, Princess Cariboo or Gremlins 2: The New Batch? If not, just put a bullet in your head right now. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Anyway, there's just something about her. Like a soft-hotness. It's subtle and yet loud and clear. She's like the Jessica Alba of the 80's except Phoebe could act, though she was type-cast.

Now I know what some of you in the know are thinking, "Aaron, you're thinking with your dick again. Silly, Aaron."

Well, you're wrong, mostly.

Let's do a quick checklist: She's a brunette (Aaron likes), she's 5'7 (Aaron likes), she looks exotic yet wholesome (she's half-filipino, Aaron likes), she's in the movies (like Aaron, Aaron likes), she can sing (2 tracks in Private School, title theme to Paradise, Aaron likes), and best of all she still looks great (at 42, lasting beauty, Aaron likes). See! She's perfect.

No, seriously though, if I could find a girl that looks like her and has a good heart and a sense of humor, I'd be set.

Anyone know any girls that fit the description, hook it up, man! I'll be your BFF. We'll get bracelets and everything. Seriously, make it happen.

Otherwise, I'll have to go kill Kevin Kline (her husband) and I don't want to do that, honestly. He's a decent actor. We could find him a replacement wife too. What's Loni Anderson doing these days? What about Suzanne Summers? We'll figure that out.

There's 9 months till my birthday, kids. Get to work! :-p Pbbbbbbth!!!