Just plain old Blah...

That's how I've been feeling lately and that's why I haven't blogged much, kiddies.

"Why do you feel blah," you ask.

I'm not entirely sure.  Of course, there's the utter disappointment of not getting into the film class.  But I think a lot of it has to do with the uncertainty that I've been feeling lately.  I'm uncertain about things. 

This summer I got over something.  Now it's back.  I didn't expect it.  But here it is. 

It was all gone.  But all it took was contact and I'm right back where I was, in uncertainty. 

You're probably saying to yourself, "Who is this guy, Aaron?  Why is he all emo?  Could he be any more vague?" 

I guess what I need is answers.  But I'm not sure if I should ask the questions.  There's risk involved.  A risk that I take very serious.  If the answer is negative, it'll suck, but I can move on.  If the answer is positive, some great things could happen.  I'm not sure how likely a positive answer is, thus making the task of asking the question much harder. 

It's a real gamble.  It's not like poker though.  Because that's just a game that you can walk away from, whereas this is my life, and somebody else's.  Not to mention that people's real faces and reactions are much harder to read than their poker faces.  At least for me.

I guess it all comes down to timing, or the moment, and I don't want to force it.  But I think I've gotta make the effort if I wanna get out of this funk.  I don't believe, as great as it would be, positive or negative, that the answers will come to me.  That only happens in the movies.

I keep having visions inside my head of the best case scenario.  But all I feel is doubt and frustration about how short the reality will fall of the ideal. 

"But at least I'll know," I tell myself. 

That, in itself, is a positive thought.  Oh yeah, I guess...