Perhaps this is the answer to SOME of my questions...

Finish the statements:

1. The last person I kissed: is not worth mentioning.

2. Never in my life have I: gotten the respect I deserve.

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can eventually manage to make me smile: is women. Generally speaking, of course.

4. High School is: in the past, so it should be was. High school was a lot more fun than I give it credit.

5. When I'm nervous I: burp and yawn a lot. That's real, Cuz.

6. The last time I cried was: stupid.

7. If I were to get married right now my maid of honor/bestman would be: more surprised than I would be.

9. My hair: is better kept short. Maverick style!

10. When I was 5: I was bouncing around this country looking for a home.

11. Last Christmas: "I gave you my heart. The very next day, you gave it away." How true that was...

12. When I turn my head left: I see a china ball, as opposed to a chinaman's balls, which would be superfluous.

13. I should be: doing something productive. Senioritis lives!

14. When I look down, I see: 'bout the biggest pair you've ever seen, dingleberry!

15. The craziest recent event was: I went into the bathroom and I could see a dog lying down in the handicapped stall. It was a seeing-eye-dog but it was very interesting out of context.

16. If I were a character on Friends I'd be: Chandler. Ross, when I get emo.

17. By this time next year: I'll be in Hollywood living "The Dream" i.e. getting some asshole his coffee.

18. Current Relationship Status: Single as a Pringle that's lookin' to mingle so give me a jingle. God, I should be doing Dr. Scholl's ads...

19. I have a hard time understanding: women, politicians, and math.

20. One time at a family gathering: I stuck a flute in my pussy. If you didn't see that coming, there's a dog in the bathroom looking for you.

21. You know I "like" you if: I go out of my way to talk to you. I realize now that I am easy to read despite my best efforts to appear suave.

23. Take my advice: there is no god. It's just you and me and we're not going anywhere.

24. My ideal breakfast is: quiet.

25. If you visit the place where I grew up: you should say "Hi" to the people that live there.

26. Where do you plan to visit anytime soon: life.

27. If you spend the night at my house: you are a saint and I'll love you forever. That sounds really sad if you take it seriously. But I am offering. Huh, huh???

28. I'd stop my wedding if: you showed me a picture of our future kids. That's cold and untrue.

29. The world could do without: money. Seriously.

30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than date: celibate, pro-life, racist, drunk, pessimistic, war mongering debutantes. Now, their mothers on the other hand...

31. Most recent thing i've bought myself: is a soda.

32. Most recent thing someone else bought for you: is food.

33. My favorite blonde is: me.

34. My favorite brunette/redhead is: Catherine Bell and I can't explain why. I just don't know.

36. The last time I was drunk: I became Drunken Morty Jones. Beware the harp seals!

37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds: Elephants. Tell me you didn't love Dumbo!

38. I shouldn't have been: gifted with such intelligence. It's really hindering my ability to get laid.

39. Once, at a bar: a guy spilled his drink on my crotch. I should have killed him. Lesson learned.

40. Last night I: don't remember.

41. There's this girl I: oughta find out there. She's great for me. Anybody know 'er? 'Cause I don't.

42: I don't know: 'er, remember?

43. A better name for me would be: Beetleburt.

44. If I ever go back to school I'll: have lost the will to live.

45. How many days until my birthday?: 30 exactly. The countdown begins...

46. What I really want for Valentine's Day is: to not be blogging this year.

47. I'm wearing: glasses. My eyes are too lazy for contacts.

48. Tomorrow I am: gonna sit around because I can.

49. The last thing I ate was: a quesadilla.

50. I really want to learn: "what love is. I want you show me!!!"

More Questions!

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner--who pays?
Nobody. Jesus turns pulls bread and fishes out from behind my ear like an unimpressive uncle.

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias--what is it?
Tony Garcia. I totally look it too.

3. Pick one state in the US to get rid of permanently.
Texas. He gone!

4. Skywalker or Solo?
Han Solo. He gets the bitches. And the motherfucker shot Greedo. COLD-BLOODED!

5. Toy you always wanted as a kid but never got?
An astrojump. I always had to crash parties instead.

6. Top 3 celebrities you wanna do : ____________
Jessica Simpson, Jessica Biel, and Salma Hayek. Now, go. Make it happen.

7. What's an automatic deal breaker in a significant other?
Hyper-religious. I should also say a penis, right?

8. What's the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
Signs. I get chills re-telling it.

9. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?
I love you! But it's like, stupid-haha.

10. You're sentenced to death and it's execution day. What's your last meal?
An entire giant pizza with pepperoni and RC Cola. Duh.

11. What's something most people do that you've never done?
Drugs.

12. Before you die you want to go to...?
Heaven. You know, to see if I like it first.

13. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?
Kick a president in the nuts.

14. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
A grizzly bear. Aw, just look at 'em...

15. One drug you'll never try?
Comfortable ignorance.

16. If you were an animal, which one would you be?
A grizzly bear. Just look at 'em...

17. If you had to marry someone you knew at age 12, who would it be?
Nicole Duque. I think she really got me. I could be wrong.

18. First celebrity crush?
Alyssa Milano. She's the boss.

19. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits, and abilities?
Broad sword. Heavy, clumsly, wonderfully crafted but will cut you clean in half.

20. Favorite breakfast bread style?
Cereal style?

21. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?
When it ends. I don't like turkey. Birds are weird.

22. Sport you hate the most?
Horse racing.

23. What city in the US do you want to visit the most?
Las Vegas. Who's with me???

24. What's something do you think it'd be sweet to know?
How to get people to pay closer attention to what they say and make sure they mean in.

25. Favorite actor/actress?
Tom Cruise/Audrey Tautou.

26. What's one phrase you absolutely detest?
Awesomely Bad. Go fuck yourself.

27. What makes an awesome party?
Friends, enthusiasm, babes, lots of chairs.

28. What's your material obsession?
DVDs. Gotta have 'em, hopefully I'll watch 'em.

29. What's something most people would consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you?
I'm quiet. Most people should really shut up more.

30. Favorite kind of dog?
Bulldog.

31. Favorite carnival food?
Cinammon Rolls.

32. Morning or night person?
The moon doesn't burn.

33. Worst drunken or drugged up habit?
Being "creepy sober guy."

34. Weirdest eBay purchase?
None. I don't use it often.

35. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?
I like to eat food. It's good. You're dumb.

36. It's 3 a.m. on Saturday. What are you doing?
Either bullshitting or sleeping.

37. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?
You can't make me choose!

38. Worst job you've ever had?
Phone surveys. Yuck.

39. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
Butch makes fun of my misunderstanding of obscure vocabulary words to help him deal with the fact that I tower over him physically.

40. Favorite cereal?
Lucky Charms. They're magically delicious.

41. Book you could read repeatedly?
The Lord of the Rings. It'll take a while but still...

42. Tell an interesting story about the last person to fill this out.
Butch is like the brother I should've had.