Can You Say It?

Hey, kids!  Been too long, I know.  But whatever, we're here and I'm ready to dazzle. 

So, the impetus for this blog is the commercials that are on late at night on cable.  Perhaps you've seen the ads for such brilliant products as Xtenze and The Vibrating Touch.  I don't necessarily have a problem with the products themselves, although I don't think that any product can give a dude a long-dong.  My problem is with the fact that in both of these ads they can't say what the product does, nor what effect they have.  They skate around it and use implications and innuendo (in your end-o) with phrases like "certain part of a man's body" and "It's good for a relationship, let's put it that way." 

I'm not exactly sure which is the most egregious in leaving out what its product does.  The Vibrating Touch ads do mention that it's a fingertip massager.  But they do fail to mention where to stick it.  I guess you could let your imagination run wild and let it mean whatever sick and depraved thing you can think of.    But most people would likely use it to work the clit.  There certainly are merits to that... 

Xtenze ads can't even mention what part they affect.  "Male enhancement" and "make you larger" is all they say.  Know what else can do those two highly vague things: Donuts.  I could be "enhanced" and "made larger" by any series of complex carbohydrates and fats.  I had 2 California Burritos this weekend alone!  Who needs a pill?

I realize that some words still aren't sayable on TV, though the list has shortened since Carlin first brought it up.  But simple medical terms should be okay to say without being classified obscene.  And it's not like the ads air at noon.  They're usually on after midnight when most people who'd blush at the terms are long asleep. 

So my proposal is this: If you can't say what your product does, you shouldn't advertise it in that medium.  There's always men's and women's magazines.  Imagine if the Shamwow commercials couldn't mention what a Shamwow does.  Vince would be so bored.  What if the Snuggie ads couldn't mention sleeves?  Or they couldn't show how a Snuggie makes you look like a backless wizard?  It'd be retarded.  But whatever, maybe I'm the tard.  I doubt it but I'm open to the possibility.

Hey!  Anyone see Watchmen?  Wasn't that awesome??? 

On the opposite of the spectrum was The Jonas Brothers 3-D.  Wow, that thing is tanking.  And that couldn't be more awesome.  Fuck those dudes.  Not literally though, because apparently their cocks belong to Jesus.  On that thought, why lend your cock to a priest, save it for the savior.  Okay, I don't know about that one.

This blogging thing is harder to get back into than I thought.  Perhaps "dazzle" was too lofty a goal.  I'll work on it, if I get around to it.

Anyway, that's all I've got for now.  Hopefully, I'll have a bit more soon, but hey, one blog every three months is good enough for you, you Faceboogers (eh, I could do better than that).  :-P  Pbbbbbbth!!!