Sleep-Diddling

Hey, kids! Now I bet you're wondering about the title of this blog. Oh, you're not? Well, thanks for nothin'!

Actually, I have a roommate (well, actually, I have 4 of them) and she (oh there's a clue!) tends to come home from work tired, and eventually and without fail, she passes out wherever and in whatever position. Who is this roommate? I'm not telling.

Anyhow, this got me thinking about classic Disney films and classical literature/fairy tales and how the prince character always awakens the female protagonist with a kiss. See, because if you pull that act out of context and de-romanticize it, that kiss qualifies as assault.

Imagine you're asleep, minding your own dreams, and somebody you hardly know plants a kiss on you. Isn't that so weird?

Take it a step further and you'll be in what I call sleep-diddling territory. Oh it starts off innocently enough. You brush a hair out of the person's face. Next thing you know, you're measuring the size of your hand versus the size of the person's face. Next thing you know, you're counting their eyelashes. And the next thing you know, you've got both hands circulating on their chest till they wake up disgusted and they punch you in the face. And then it's all "restraining order" time. It's a slippery slope is all I'm saying.

Now think about Snow White after she eats the poison apple. She falls asleep. She can't be wakened. Do you think that 7 lonely dwarves are just sitting around waiting for some prince to show up? Nah. Well, maybe Doc. He always struck me as impotent. But Bashful, shiiiiiiiiit. He's got a rapsheet longer than the Sioux City Strangler and it's all of a sexual nature. Or so I heard.

But even the Prince, charming or otherwise, do you honestly trust this person? I mean, he's rich. He's used to getting what he wants. You think if he knows all he's gotta do is kiss this chick he met at party and she wakes up, he's not gonna try anything funny? He's not gonna "sample the goods." Just a peak, you know? I'm just saying that Walt Disney was so naive. And those artists who worked for him, and drew "SEX" in the sky in the Lion King and gave the priest a hard-on inThe Little Mermaid, you think they weren't thinking it? You know they were. Probably drew it too, the sick fucks.

There's even an entire, albeit small, genre of porn called "Sleep Assault." In it the "actress" is "asleep" and the camera (generally handheld, the other hand I presume) gets closer and sure enough, the dude's got his cock out. And now he's touchin' her with it. And she doesn't wake up. So, you know, it's realistic. And then there's penetration. And she doesn't wake up. Further realism. Either that, or she's pleased (by the thoughfulness, I imagine). I didn't say it was particularly erotic or even entertaining. I'm just letting y'all know what's out there because you're on the internet, and I'm sure you've never seen anything weird on the internet...

Anyway, these are the things I think about when my roommate passes out on the couch next to me.

What? Don't give me that look. I didn't say I did anything. That's not me at all. I'm sus-scared of girls. I just think of weird shit. Don't you? No? Well, what good are ya?!

So that's my blog, kids. Sleep tight.

:-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!