Work Doodles Vol. 3

Hey kids. My latest drawing is from my new Emo collection. Enjoy.

That's right, I said it!

Hey kids!  Since I'm super-busy with Comic-Con, here's a little something to wet your whistle until my full return.

Finish the sentence:

1. My first ex is...
unhappy, I hope.  Haha, Laura, you suck!  Seriously, I'm not bitter...

2. I'm listening to...
the fans spinning.

3. Maybe I should...
go back to sleep.

4. I love...
Superman Returns!

5. I don't understand...
women, ever.

6. I lost...
my mind long before my handwriting went to shit.

7. People say...
I only hear what I want to.

8. Love is...
what I got.  Haha, not really.

9. Somewhere, someone is...
dodging bullets in Iraq and that's the shame of the century, already.

10. I will always...
be above-average.

11. Forever seems...
like an eternity.

12. I never want to...
lose myself.

13. My mobile phone...
ring-a-lingies.

14. When I wake up in the morning...
I think of every excuse to go back to sleep.

15. I get annoyed when...
people are in a hurry for no reason.

16. Parties are...
fun, as long as everyone remains standing.

17. My pet is...
too barky.

18. Kisses are the best when...
there's real passion behind them.

19. Today I...
am going to the 1st full day of Comic-Con.

20. Tomorrow I will...
be tired of all these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!!!

21. I really want...
to find it, realize it, and never let it go.

Pick It Up!

Hey kids!  So I thought of some random things that would've gone in the last blog.  Here they are:

-Who invented corn on the cob and was he working in conjunction with the dental hygene industry?  As I sit here now, at the computer, I've got all sorts of madness stuck in my teeth.  I smell a conspiracy.

-Why are Smashing Pumpkins albums always so damned quiet?  Seriously, everytime I play one of their bundles of sonic joy, I've got to turn it up to 11 just to hear it.  It's not a rocking 11 mind you, more like a normal 8.  It's weird.

-I thought of this a while ago but, there really is no such thing as a fun burning sensation.

-Nobody ever wishes someone else deep seeded rage for an upcoming holiday.  It's always that "happy" nonsense.  "Happy this," "Happy that."  What about "Screw You Christmas" or "May Your Birthday Be Filled With Guilt and Self-Loathing?"  Why not, is all I'm asking.

-You know what I found is a really great synonym for penis?  Schwanse (spelling?).  We should all use it as the new hip term. 

-If someone is an asshole, and is also really tall, does that automatically make that person a big asshole?  Or a giant asshole?

-What if it was customary in this country to tell everyone you meet that you love them?  It would no doubt cause some strange exchanges on the bus.

-I'm still looking for a hambone, by the way.

-(Late Addition) Have you seen these ads for Flomax?  You know, the ones "for guys who like to take longer trips while making fewer pit-stops?"  Well, one of the warnings towards the end of the commercial says to avoid activities where injury may result.  Now considering the area involved, couldn't that warning be restated as 'Avoid sports in which you risk getting clocked in the cock?'  I think it would be more entertaining, for people like me, wearing a straight-jacket.

Well, I guess that's all I've got for now.  Stay tuned for more, or something.  Tee-hee.  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Underwater Indignities

Hey kids!  So I haven't been blogging that frequently lately and I apologize.  It's not that I'm busy, really.  In fact, with all the free time, you think I'd be blog-crazy.  But I'm not.  It's just been harder for me to think of something to say lately.  I don't know why.  And maybe I do.

Either way, here's what I've been up to since I last blogged.  It's been hot and I've been working in the hot.  Seriously, they had me outside during peak UV hours (roughly noon-2pm) 3 days in a row last week.  ME!  I wore a ton of sunscreen (cause I don't make mistakes twice, usually) and I stood in the shade as often as possible, even to the point of neglecting my duties (hehe, duties).  Still, it shows you how much my bosses care for my well-being at work.  Heartless pricks.

I went for a swim today, for I believe the first time in 2 years.  I have a pool in my backyard, in case you didn't know (which you probably didn't).  I know you're probably saying to yourself, "Dude, why don't you swim all the time in the summer?!  I would totally blah blah blah..."  Trust me, when you've had a pool nearly all your life, it gets old.  The novelty wears off.  And all you can think about is, "Damn it's gonna be cold when I get out."

My mom asked me why I don't invite my friends over to go swimming.  The answer should be fairly obvious considering how rare it is that I swim.  But I simply replied, with all due respect to my friends, "Because all my friends are dudes!"  Wah-wah.  Think about it.

When I wasn't swimming, I was contemplating the universe and I started to think about whether or not farts still stunk when released under the agua?  You would think but when the bubbles break the surface, you're not falling over in disgust.  I think it must have to do with the clorine.  God bless clorine.

The clorine was really hurting my eyes today though.  God damn clorine.

What else???  Hmmm... 

Hey, that Comic-Con thing is coming up next week.  I will be in attendance for the 8th year running.  Looking forward to that, as well as Clerks 2 on Friday.

You know, it's probably bad to point this out, but I had a lot more things I was going to write about but damned if I didn't forget most of 'em.  I remembered the underwater fart thing though...  Geez.  I'm sorry, folks, but this is this blog's stop.  See ya!  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Me and All Things Social

Hey kids!  So I was just thinking about my life, 'cause it's Friday night and I'm really bored and I've discovered an aspect of my life where I seem to be quite deficient.

I'm not a mingler.

It seems simple, doesn't it?  But I think it creates more problems and awkwardness than even I fully realize.  I'm shy, some would say.  But I don't know if that quite covers it.  Because when I'm with friends, I can be anything but shy.  I can be the most candid motherfucker on the planet.  Though, when I say friends, I don't just mean any friends.  Even people I have known for years, even so many as 18 years, still make me uncomfortable.  So when I say friends, I mean people I am truly (or mostly) comfortable with.  Sometimes it takes me a while to get to this point with somebody (which is more or less the norm) or it can be instantaneous.

Now having said all that, it's effect on me socially can be dramatic.  I'm skittish around crowds, a lot of people are.  This, in part, is why I don't like going to the movies.  As a "film guy" that has to come off as absurd.  But it's not limited to films.  Parties, concerts, clubs, foreign countries, work, and school are all crowded areas.  But I do go to these places, some obviously.  So how do I do it?

I use a tactic that I learned to avoid stage fright.  I ignore the audience.  They don't exist.  Of course, ordinary people aren't really the "audience" to the one-man show known as Aaron, but I apply the same principle.  It helps me cope and get through a little easier.  I focus on a task or whoever I'm with so tightly, that I can't see anything else.  I guess that might come off as creepy to those who hang out with me, but believe me, it's harmless to you and I'm constantly working to get better at the whole thing.

But it's not a perfect system.  No matter who I'm with, I can still become quiet, aloof, instantly forgetful, and damn near catatonic.  Cross that with my irritable bowel syndrome, and you've got a bloated, gassy, mute on the loose.  So you see, to call it shyness is rather incomplete.  Yes, there is even a method to my shyness.  Did you expect anything less from an idiot-savant like me?

So where does this leave me?  Uncomfortable, seemingly unfriendly, and alone.  The fact that I'm at home on a Friday night typing this (when I was invited to a party) ought to be some indicator of how well I know me.

But like I said, I do get out.  I have to.  The irony of my chosen career is that it largely depends on my ability to make connections and friends to increase the possible opportunities for advancement.  My saving grace is most likely my sense of humor and my rapist wit.  That, of course, was a play on words.  So that should get me somewhere, and I work hard (when I work).  But will I get any more comfortable with people, particularly large groups of them?  I don't know.  I assume so.  It'll probably come with age, as I stop caring altogether.  Old people do whatever they want and they don't give a fuck.  Just look at Congress.

I just hope that this deficiency, or affliction, doesn't cost me anything major; career or otherwise.  It's nearly cost me chances at love, to be sure.  In some ways I may never know what it's cost me, in the sense that, I won't see the things that slip by but even then, perhaps that is for the best. 

All I can do is continue to press on and fight (largely against myself) to move forward.  I've come this far in life and I'll never give up.  I don't know how.  "I Won't Back Down," as Tom Petty once sang.  "Keep on Truckin'," Robert Crumb once drew.  "Nighty-nite.  Sleep with your butt-hole tight," Dave Chappelle as "Tron" once warned.  I don't think that last one is as inspirational as the previous but I hope it lightens the mood as I end this blog.

I need a Hambone

Hey kids!  It's been two days since my last blog and these are my sins (Catholics know what I'm talking about here)...

Actually, I have no sins to speak of (at least in the last 2 days) but I have been thinking of random things.

First thing is, I need a friend called, "Hambone."  I'm just saying I think it would be and is the coolest to be telling someone a story about something that happened and when you get to the part of the tale when you say who else was there, you're like, "...And Steve was there, and Ray, Hambone..."  You know what I mean? 

Plus, you get to yell over to someone, "Hamboooooooone!"

Now, I don't know of anyone actually being named Hambone so I just have to be able to give a friend that as a nickname.  So I'm accepting volunteers, who wants to be Hambone?  You must have a good reason though, you can't just say, "Sure, I'll be Hambone."  Oh no, you gotta want it.  Come up with a story as to why I call you Hambone.  It'll save me the trouble of making one up.  I'll be waiting for your Hambone applications, so send 'em quick.

Now, well wait, that was actually the extent of my random thoughts, unless I forgot the others.  But it's random enough for me and it should be for you as well.  And why am I the one with all the random thoughts anyway?  Where are yours, hmm?  Bet you're feeling real guilty now, aren't you?  Serves you right.  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

The Bill Buckner of Love

Hey kids.  Events in my life have, yet again, taken a turn askew.  This has caused me to believe that I am the Bill Buckner of Love.

Some of you may not know who Bill Buckner is.  He was the first baseman for the Red Sox in the '86 World Series.  The Sox were 1 out away from winning the title, when a soft ground ball was hit to Buckner.  He put his glove down but the ball snuck through his legs.  The Mets won the game on that play and then went on to win the World Series.  Buckner's misplay has gone down as one of the worst in baseball history.

Now how does this relate to me?

I could just be a quack but I feel like in the game of love, I am Bill Buckner.  I'm a good guy, just as Buckner was a good player.  Things just don't work out sometimes.  And it haunts us.

I've done everything I can, I think.  I've gotten my glove dirty, and yet, the ball (or love, in this case) still gets by me.  No special reason.  No funny hop.  It just gets passed me.

Like Buckner in the Series, I know that the World Series isn't nearly over.  In his case, it was only Game 6.  They could've won the next game.  In my case, I'm only 23 and there's a lot of life left to live. 

But the fact remains that the ball was right in front of me, I did what I could, and now it's passed me by. 

I don't know when the next ball will come.  I sure there will be another. 

But right now is about recovering from this one.

Mr. Crappy Pants

Hey kids!  So I've been doing some soul searching (instead of blogging, I know, you've missed me) and I realized that I am too cynical.

See, I've been listening to the words that have come out of my mouth the past few weeks (you should try it sometime, it's fun) and much, if not all of it, comes out in a negative way.

There may be some of you, blogfans, reading this going, "No shit!" or "Doy!" and asking your monitor (because I'm not in front of you) if I even read my own blogs; because then it would be obvious to me [Aaron].

Believe me, kids, I read the shit out of my blogs.  I'm an anal editor (there's a movie title).  But the point is that I've always rationalized my cynicism by stating that life is about standards and when things don't meet them, I should point them out in order to cause positive change, and to preserve the things that do meet the standards.  There's nothing really wrong with that.

But the way I go about it may be wrong, I'm finding, and I fear the thought of becoming an alienator and/or a douche.  I don't want that, you don't want that.

Don't worry, I'm not going to become a republican or anything.  I just want to focus more on the positive things in life as opposed to ripping the negatives a new asshole when I see them.

I need to stop correcting people when they misspeak (unless it's funny), and I need to stop overthinking the minute details of every event of every day of my life (unless they're funny).

There's part of me that says, "Well, Aaron, you stud, this is who you are."

And there's another part of me that says, "Aaron, you stud, what do you have to be bitter and complain about?  Life is good (minus the reoccurrence of old stomach ailments)."

So I'm actually kind of torn now that I think about it.  What do YOU think?  Am I too negative?  Seriously, I want YOUR opinions, like some sort of radio call-in show.  Let me know, I'm not a mind reader.  In fact, I'm kind of an idiot.  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

The Mark of the Beast

Hey kids!  Well, if you haven't noticed, or it hasn't been shoved down your throat by some quasi-know-it-all, today is 6/6/06.

666, get it?

And I find it more than fitting that, of all days, it's Election Day.

And I'm glad.  I am so tired of all the commercials and today marks the day that they will finally end.  The logical fallacies released in those ads make me quite angry.  What's worse is some people actually believe what they hear in those ads.  Or do they?  I don't want to underestimate my fellow Americans but afterall, look who was elected to run this nut-house.

I didn't vote today.  Again.

I just don't care.  There's nothing on the ballot that affects my life.  I want my congressman to be re-elected cause I think he's a good dude but if he doesn't, will anybody notice?  Probably not.

You can call me what you want for not voting, I could care less.  The process is broken, the system is useless.  You make your own breaks in life, for the most part.  And the things that really need fixing, aren't on the ballot, ever. 

Ending poverty and homelessness: Not on the ballot.  There's no money in it.

But they want 4 year olds in preschool?  Oh yeah, that'll fix us.  Let kids be kids.  I turned out alright.

In the meantime, we should all just try to be nice to each other.  That's my advice.  We're in this together, and the government ain't in it with us.  Also, avoid Walmart if you can. 

Now, being that it is 6/6/06, I'm gonna go prance around my living room wearing red horns.  Just for a minute, just to see how it feels...

:-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Work Doodles Vol. 2

Hey kids! So I was at work today and I got bored and drew you all something very special.

Don't worry. The animal is not on drugs this time.

It's a very happy drawing, as I am a very happy Aaron.

So here you go and enjoy: