Hey, kids! I just have a quick note to Lakers fans here in L.A.
Hey, so I'm just curious. Does driving your car with not one but two Lakers flags sticking out of your windows make you more of a fan or kind of a douchebag? I lean towards the latter. One flag. It's enough. Kobe gets it. You like him. One flag. Not two. Just one. Stop it. Seriously.
A couple related notes: Phil Jackson needs a haircut and his goatee (or his Van Dyke, as it is more accurately put, Mustache + goatee = Van Dyke) back. He used to look cool. No mas.
Pau Gasol is possibly the goofiest looking man on the planet. He vaguely resembles Big Bird. But the problem is that it's not even laughable. I don't see him and giggle. It's more like I want to punch him in his ludicrously weak chin or his giant adam's apple. And yes, I realize that to do this I'd have to jump. Hence, I have yet to do it.
Well, that's it kids. Short and sweet, like Danny Devito in a diaper.
:-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Insanemia
Hey, kids! So I've got a few things to say and they should be nice and quick.
AMCHD is a joke. How can a channel claim to be all about the preservation of American classic films and High Definition when it is in fact: Neither? None of the films that I have ever seen on AMCHD have had an HD transfer and the quality of transfer they do have borders on low-quality youtube clips. Most films are stretched to barely fit widescreen. It's horrendous. That's not even to mention whether the movies they show are even actually classics, in any country. Death Wish IV? Predator 2?! Really (And I like Predator 2, sorta)? You fucking suck.
If you're in a band, and you release your latest album on vinyl, I'm not going to buy it. And you suck. If Spielberg made a movie and released it on laser disc, that wouldn't make it retro and cool. It's just dumb. I know that records sound different and analog recordings tend to be richer than digital. I get it. But vinyl belongs on your wall (that is to say the band's wall, or walls, depending on the number of walls X band members / the numbers of houses +- PiR²). It's decorative, not practical. Find a way to improve the new audio formats (no small order) rather than reverting to the ancient in an effort to seem hip. You're not. And get a haircut.
Anyone watching Late Night With Craig Ferguson? You should, man. I think he's funnier than everyone else in late night. He's unscripted, and sometimes awkwardly so, but his attempts to right his ship and buck the "late night format" that's become so tired are quite hilarious. Sure he doesn't get the guests that Conan got, or that Jimmy Fallon's getting, but he does have something Jimmy Fallon doesn't have: charisma. And a funny accent. Give Craig a look and you might be surprised.
Well, that's it, kids. Heed my warnings lest your futures go down the shitter. ...??? Yep.
:-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
AMCHD is a joke. How can a channel claim to be all about the preservation of American classic films and High Definition when it is in fact: Neither? None of the films that I have ever seen on AMCHD have had an HD transfer and the quality of transfer they do have borders on low-quality youtube clips. Most films are stretched to barely fit widescreen. It's horrendous. That's not even to mention whether the movies they show are even actually classics, in any country. Death Wish IV? Predator 2?! Really (And I like Predator 2, sorta)? You fucking suck.
If you're in a band, and you release your latest album on vinyl, I'm not going to buy it. And you suck. If Spielberg made a movie and released it on laser disc, that wouldn't make it retro and cool. It's just dumb. I know that records sound different and analog recordings tend to be richer than digital. I get it. But vinyl belongs on your wall (that is to say the band's wall, or walls, depending on the number of walls X band members / the numbers of houses +- PiR²). It's decorative, not practical. Find a way to improve the new audio formats (no small order) rather than reverting to the ancient in an effort to seem hip. You're not. And get a haircut.
Anyone watching Late Night With Craig Ferguson? You should, man. I think he's funnier than everyone else in late night. He's unscripted, and sometimes awkwardly so, but his attempts to right his ship and buck the "late night format" that's become so tired are quite hilarious. Sure he doesn't get the guests that Conan got, or that Jimmy Fallon's getting, but he does have something Jimmy Fallon doesn't have: charisma. And a funny accent. Give Craig a look and you might be surprised.
Well, that's it, kids. Heed my warnings lest your futures go down the shitter. ...??? Yep.
:-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Jobbed
Hey, kids! Well, today was a big day for me. I worked my last night in Will Call at FotoKem. I haven't written a lot about my job on here, mostly because some things are confidential and I tend to forget when things are. So there was no sense in risking being wrong. Obviously, working in the film industry, and the subsequent fears my work and the studios have about piracy and info leaks, there is a certain amount of hush-hush so nothing intentionally (or unintentially) gets out to the public. That's not to say that I couldn't tell you in-person, but posting things on the internet could've cost my job. So I haven't mentioned too much about.
I think during my graveyard times I wrote a lot (when I wasn't sleeping, and you were say... eating dinner) about how that affected me. That was all cool.
Upon reading what I've written to this point, I realize that it reads like I'm working my way up to explaining why I was fired.
Whoops.
Nothing could be further from the truth, yet. I've actually been promoted and transferred to another department. So I worked my last night in Will Call, but I'll be starting my new position on Monday. I'm headed to the Digital Restoration Services dept. There, from what I understand, I'll be fixing films and TV shows (i.e. removing spots, scratches, dust, etc.) on a computer. Dust-busting, as it is (I hope) affectionately known. I'm pretty excited about it because it's a new software program that I've never used and FotoKem is putting a good deal of faith in me to hit the ground running (as opposed to stumble, fall, and break face). It also means a formidable pay-raise as well. Money is always good, especially with the cost of Blu-Rays and RockBand songs.
One major downside is that I may have to work graveyard again. That would be a bummer. But I may luck out, or hopefully, it'll only be temporary. You may remember (or you can look back at my blogs between March '08 and July '08) that I was pretty useless on the weekends (and in general). I'd rather not be useless...
So I'm happy, though it was tough to leave tonight. I think if people I was closer to were there when I left, it would have been harder. But a lot of those people have left too (or soon will be)! Plus, it was a shitty night. I thought that being a Friday it'd be it's usual slow night, but then I realized that if there is a God, he's an asshole, so the night followed suit. But whatevs, I'm home and that stuff's done. I did get a little misty as I walked through the parking lot and on the short drive home (some would say I cried, some would be a dick). But here's to the future, I say!
On a somewhat unrelated note: I heard the new Green Day album at work. I liked it. I'll probably buy it. Update: I did buy it.
That's all I've got for now, kids. Don't be strangers. Just get stranger.
:-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
I think during my graveyard times I wrote a lot (when I wasn't sleeping, and you were say... eating dinner) about how that affected me. That was all cool.
Upon reading what I've written to this point, I realize that it reads like I'm working my way up to explaining why I was fired.
Whoops.
Nothing could be further from the truth, yet. I've actually been promoted and transferred to another department. So I worked my last night in Will Call, but I'll be starting my new position on Monday. I'm headed to the Digital Restoration Services dept. There, from what I understand, I'll be fixing films and TV shows (i.e. removing spots, scratches, dust, etc.) on a computer. Dust-busting, as it is (I hope) affectionately known. I'm pretty excited about it because it's a new software program that I've never used and FotoKem is putting a good deal of faith in me to hit the ground running (as opposed to stumble, fall, and break face). It also means a formidable pay-raise as well. Money is always good, especially with the cost of Blu-Rays and RockBand songs.
One major downside is that I may have to work graveyard again. That would be a bummer. But I may luck out, or hopefully, it'll only be temporary. You may remember (or you can look back at my blogs between March '08 and July '08) that I was pretty useless on the weekends (and in general). I'd rather not be useless...
So I'm happy, though it was tough to leave tonight. I think if people I was closer to were there when I left, it would have been harder. But a lot of those people have left too (or soon will be)! Plus, it was a shitty night. I thought that being a Friday it'd be it's usual slow night, but then I realized that if there is a God, he's an asshole, so the night followed suit. But whatevs, I'm home and that stuff's done. I did get a little misty as I walked through the parking lot and on the short drive home (some would say I cried, some would be a dick). But here's to the future, I say!
On a somewhat unrelated note: I heard the new Green Day album at work. I liked it. I'll probably buy it. Update: I did buy it.
That's all I've got for now, kids. Don't be strangers. Just get stranger.
:-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I Don't Give A Shitter
Hey, kids! I've really got this blogging regularly thing down again, huh? No? Shut up.
You kids heard of this thing called, Twitter? It's a web-place where people post things pretty much all the time, little things, kinda like the status here on MySpace. Yeah, a lotta people are on it. Yeah, even friends of mine. Good friends (as opposed to god-friends, which are friends that my parents appointed at my birth) too. It's getting tons of publicity, especially due to the celebrities who twitter, or tweet, as it is known. It's the latest rage, you know, 'cause having a blackberry, an iPhone, a MySpace, a Facebook, and multiple email addresses isn't enough for some people. But how do I really feel?
I think it's fucked. I think it's lame and I don't care if that bothers you (you being: anybody). I really don't care what anybody else is thinking from minute to minute, hour to hour. I don't even care what I'M thinking about half the time! And people have conversations back and forth all day too. What ever happened to texting? Has that become obsolete somehow?! Most of the time they're just trading Joss Whedon references anyway. Does blogging take too much effort? Believe me, I know it's not easy, what with the DVRing and the RockBanding, but I make the effort. Otherwise, it's just another glorified message board. I just don't get it. By all means, respond to this blog on your twitter page. Tweet your asses off.
On another note: You guys notice that the products they sell on TV still take 4-6 weeks to deliver? What the fuck's that about?! I could go to Pizza Hut's website, click my mouse 4 times, and have a pizza delivered within an hour. AN HOUR (not really though, it's 3am)! Have we not figured this mail thing out yet? It's not like they're giving you free shipping either. Generally, they charge about 10 bucks for processing and shipping. On Amazon, for that price, I could get my items in 3 days or less. On Tuesday, I ordered a BluRay and a book, paid 0 dollars for shipping, and it'll be here by Monday. So what's their problem?
Another thing: Anyone else absolutely hate all the NFL Draft coverage? God, I do. Fuckin' season ended 3 months ago! Basketball and hockey are in the playoffs, baseball's in full swing, soccer's... soccer, and you're dissecting who the Lions might bring into their suck-fest?! What's next? Covering grade school kids picking teams for kickball?! I mean, is over an hour EVERYDAY necessary? And seriously, can I kill Mel Kiper Jr., please? Please? Pleeeeeeeeease? Can I at least shoot him in the hair? I'll take it. Seriously, does this guy do anything other than worship amateur football players day in and out? There's no science to it. It's a crap shoot. Use a magic 8-ball and then put it back in it's rightful place: up your ass.
Well, that's enough for me, kids. A little angry maybe, but hey, it's hot here in Burbank. Peace out. :-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
You kids heard of this thing called, Twitter? It's a web-place where people post things pretty much all the time, little things, kinda like the status here on MySpace. Yeah, a lotta people are on it. Yeah, even friends of mine. Good friends (as opposed to god-friends, which are friends that my parents appointed at my birth) too. It's getting tons of publicity, especially due to the celebrities who twitter, or tweet, as it is known. It's the latest rage, you know, 'cause having a blackberry, an iPhone, a MySpace, a Facebook, and multiple email addresses isn't enough for some people. But how do I really feel?
I think it's fucked. I think it's lame and I don't care if that bothers you (you being: anybody). I really don't care what anybody else is thinking from minute to minute, hour to hour. I don't even care what I'M thinking about half the time! And people have conversations back and forth all day too. What ever happened to texting? Has that become obsolete somehow?! Most of the time they're just trading Joss Whedon references anyway. Does blogging take too much effort? Believe me, I know it's not easy, what with the DVRing and the RockBanding, but I make the effort. Otherwise, it's just another glorified message board. I just don't get it. By all means, respond to this blog on your twitter page. Tweet your asses off.
On another note: You guys notice that the products they sell on TV still take 4-6 weeks to deliver? What the fuck's that about?! I could go to Pizza Hut's website, click my mouse 4 times, and have a pizza delivered within an hour. AN HOUR (not really though, it's 3am)! Have we not figured this mail thing out yet? It's not like they're giving you free shipping either. Generally, they charge about 10 bucks for processing and shipping. On Amazon, for that price, I could get my items in 3 days or less. On Tuesday, I ordered a BluRay and a book, paid 0 dollars for shipping, and it'll be here by Monday. So what's their problem?
Another thing: Anyone else absolutely hate all the NFL Draft coverage? God, I do. Fuckin' season ended 3 months ago! Basketball and hockey are in the playoffs, baseball's in full swing, soccer's... soccer, and you're dissecting who the Lions might bring into their suck-fest?! What's next? Covering grade school kids picking teams for kickball?! I mean, is over an hour EVERYDAY necessary? And seriously, can I kill Mel Kiper Jr., please? Please? Pleeeeeeeeease? Can I at least shoot him in the hair? I'll take it. Seriously, does this guy do anything other than worship amateur football players day in and out? There's no science to it. It's a crap shoot. Use a magic 8-ball and then put it back in it's rightful place: up your ass.
Well, that's enough for me, kids. A little angry maybe, but hey, it's hot here in Burbank. Peace out. :-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Crack-tual
Hey, Kids! It's hot. So this call actually happened earlier tonight. I deemed it funny enough to share.
My cell phone rings. It says, "Anonymous." This should be fun. I honestly thought it was going to be my boss. It wasn't.
Me: "Hello?"
Person: "Hello." It's a woman. Kinda sounds like my mom. I play dumb in case it is.
Me: "Hello?"
Woman: "Hello. Who's this?"
Me: "Who's this?"
Woman: "Who's this?"
Me: "You called me. You go first."
Woman: "This is [mumble]. Is this Anthony?"
Me: "No."
Woman: "Is this Michael?"
Me: "Nope. Nor is it Hall."
Woman: "[mumble mumble] Sorry, I dialed the wrong number."
Me: "Yep."
Click. I make gesture towards phone as if to say, "You believe this fuckin' guy?" Very Jersey of me, I know. I don't think she got my Anthony Michael Hall joke. Hopefully, you did, kids.
:-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
My cell phone rings. It says, "Anonymous." This should be fun. I honestly thought it was going to be my boss. It wasn't.
Me: "Hello?"
Person: "Hello." It's a woman. Kinda sounds like my mom. I play dumb in case it is.
Me: "Hello?"
Woman: "Hello. Who's this?"
Me: "Who's this?"
Woman: "Who's this?"
Me: "You called me. You go first."
Woman: "This is [mumble]. Is this Anthony?"
Me: "No."
Woman: "Is this Michael?"
Me: "Nope. Nor is it Hall."
Woman: "[mumble mumble] Sorry, I dialed the wrong number."
Me: "Yep."
Click. I make gesture towards phone as if to say, "You believe this fuckin' guy?" Very Jersey of me, I know. I don't think she got my Anthony Michael Hall joke. Hopefully, you did, kids.
:-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I Got Your Teabags Right Here
Hey, kids!
So a bunch of assholes around this country are completely numb-fuck-nuts and throwing "tea parties" in protest of President Obama's stimulus package, where they throw tea bags into various bodies of water. Fox News has pretty much sponsored this too, which is all the more infuriating. The idea that Sean Hannity, John Gibson, and Glen Beck (all known douchebags) have this much power is absurd. This is especially true when you consider the fact that the "tea parties" that they're throwing have nothing to do with the original, nor the spirit of that event.
Let's hop in the wayback machine for a second. The original Boston Tea Party was held in protest of taxation without representation. Barack Obama was democratically elected. Remember that? And his stimulus package (hehe... stimulus package) is being voted on by elected representatives of the public. So these bumblefucks are represented. Write your congressman if have a beef. And tea. What about the tea?! Back in the 1700s, tea was a luxury. Today, what's it cost? Two bits? I honestly don't know, but I don't think that Barack Obama is losing any sleep over lost tea. Dump a few tons of Marlboros in a river and he might care (he smokes). And finally, in the original act, the protestors stole the tea while disguised as Native Americans. I haven't seen anybody dressed up. Well, unless you count the redneck costumes. And are they stealing the tea? Hell no. Goddamn, I wish I'd have bought stock in tea last week. Fuck, I'd be rollin'!
I'm just uber pissed that when Bush spent trillions, it was patriotic, AND conservative! But when Obama does it, it's totalitarian socialism. And that makes Glen Beck cry. Fuck that twat.
On another note: You seen the ads for freetriplescore.com? I fucking hate them. First off, they have "normal folks" trying to say the website name 3 times fast, which I can totally see right through as being market research bullshit about repeating the product name so people remember it. But what's worse is they say the domain name 80 billion times in 30 seconds, but the actual web address, as listed on the screen, isn't actually freetriplescore.com. It's freetriplescore8.com. Were 1-7 taken. It's annoying and stupid. Don't trust it.
Also, I see this a lot with other commercials where they have a person talking about something, they finish, there's a pause, and then they cut to footage of the person laughing. Maybe this is too "shop-talkie" for non-film nerds but it's clearly another part of this weird trend of showing you something and then (or sometimes simultaneously) showing something from behind the scenes. Like when you see a person talking and they cut to a side camera angle while the person's still talking. It's completely unmotivated. The laughter is the same. It bothers me. If it's just me, well, I'm used to that.
That's all for now, kids. Rock on, or get fucked. :-P Pbbbbbbth!!!
So a bunch of assholes around this country are completely numb-fuck-nuts and throwing "tea parties" in protest of President Obama's stimulus package, where they throw tea bags into various bodies of water. Fox News has pretty much sponsored this too, which is all the more infuriating. The idea that Sean Hannity, John Gibson, and Glen Beck (all known douchebags) have this much power is absurd. This is especially true when you consider the fact that the "tea parties" that they're throwing have nothing to do with the original, nor the spirit of that event.
Let's hop in the wayback machine for a second. The original Boston Tea Party was held in protest of taxation without representation. Barack Obama was democratically elected. Remember that? And his stimulus package (hehe... stimulus package) is being voted on by elected representatives of the public. So these bumblefucks are represented. Write your congressman if have a beef. And tea. What about the tea?! Back in the 1700s, tea was a luxury. Today, what's it cost? Two bits? I honestly don't know, but I don't think that Barack Obama is losing any sleep over lost tea. Dump a few tons of Marlboros in a river and he might care (he smokes). And finally, in the original act, the protestors stole the tea while disguised as Native Americans. I haven't seen anybody dressed up. Well, unless you count the redneck costumes. And are they stealing the tea? Hell no. Goddamn, I wish I'd have bought stock in tea last week. Fuck, I'd be rollin'!
I'm just uber pissed that when Bush spent trillions, it was patriotic, AND conservative! But when Obama does it, it's totalitarian socialism. And that makes Glen Beck cry. Fuck that twat.
On another note: You seen the ads for freetriplescore.com? I fucking hate them. First off, they have "normal folks" trying to say the website name 3 times fast, which I can totally see right through as being market research bullshit about repeating the product name so people remember it. But what's worse is they say the domain name 80 billion times in 30 seconds, but the actual web address, as listed on the screen, isn't actually freetriplescore.com. It's freetriplescore8.com. Were 1-7 taken. It's annoying and stupid. Don't trust it.
Also, I see this a lot with other commercials where they have a person talking about something, they finish, there's a pause, and then they cut to footage of the person laughing. Maybe this is too "shop-talkie" for non-film nerds but it's clearly another part of this weird trend of showing you something and then (or sometimes simultaneously) showing something from behind the scenes. Like when you see a person talking and they cut to a side camera angle while the person's still talking. It's completely unmotivated. The laughter is the same. It bothers me. If it's just me, well, I'm used to that.
That's all for now, kids. Rock on, or get fucked. :-P Pbbbbbbth!!!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Statutory Glory
Hey, Kids! Wow, I'm keeping this blogging thing up, aren't I? Is good, I hope.
So the impetus for this blog is this new movie coming out called, 17 Again. It's got Zac Efron in it, so I'll probably never see it but it got me thinking about other movies like Big, Vice-Versa, and Freaky Friday, movies where kids inhabit their parents bodies and, ironically enough, vice-versa. It got me thinking about the scene in Big where Tom Hanks has sex with Elizabeth Perkins. It's moderately hot. I always thought she looked her hottest as Wilma Flintstone but there I go with my cavegirl fetish again...
Anyway, the thing I got to thinking was: if he's really a 12-13 year old boy inside the body of a 30 year old man and he's having sex with a 30 year old woman, isn't that statutory rape? I mean, emotionally speaking he's still a boy, while physically he's otherwise. Isn't that what really counts in cases like that? Because you'll have girls who're built like they're ready to go, I'm talking boobs out to here (see?) and ass for days (ya hear?), but they're not even 16. You've seen 'em. R. Kelly has (allegedly!). Sexin' 'em up is wrong, right? Consenting or not. The law says so. So did Elizabeth Perkins's character rape poor Josh Baskin? Most would say no. I don't know.
Let's say we reverse the situation, as in 17 Again, when an older person becomes young again by some magic (or WITCHCRAFT?!!). If he nails a teenage girl, that's rape, right? I would imagine so. He's got knowledge beyond the young girl and reason that should tell him not to do it (literally). So is that rape? Would anyone notice? Does anyone care? Are you still reading this?
I guess the larger debate can become does age really define consent anymore? We're so sexed up as a culture anyway, and likely, whether we know it or not. People are having sex or engaging in sex acts younger and younger. Not to say that that's all bad so long as it's safe, and who's to say that people in our parents generation weren't doing the same (and not just homos, "doing the same," get it?)? I know that there's a certain boundary where things go all wrong. And to me there's even a line where two 18+ adults divided by too great an age difference is wrong too. There are people who come into my work whom I assumed were father and daughter. Assuming did it's usual work on me. They're a couple and it's way gross! I literally almost vomitted upon the knowledge. But is that just me? It could be. I'm not taking a stance in either direction on this one. I'm not advocating nor condemning, just openning the floor (blogatively speaking) for debate. Reply, won't you?
On a lighter note: I've been watching Planet Earth on Discovery Channel (again, though in HD), and I've decided that Sigourney Weaver doing a voiceover of my life could make me seem a lot more interesting. I'd like to hear her take on, "Here we see the Aaron snacking ferociously on White Cheddar Cheetos as he watches SportsCenter." Or, "The Aaron spends countless hours playing Grand Theft Auto IV because his chances of mating are slim on a weeknight such as this." I think she could bring a real humanity and gravitas to that bit of truth.
And there you have it. I think this a real return to form, kids. What do you think? Ah well, whatevs. :-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
So the impetus for this blog is this new movie coming out called, 17 Again. It's got Zac Efron in it, so I'll probably never see it but it got me thinking about other movies like Big, Vice-Versa, and Freaky Friday, movies where kids inhabit their parents bodies and, ironically enough, vice-versa. It got me thinking about the scene in Big where Tom Hanks has sex with Elizabeth Perkins. It's moderately hot. I always thought she looked her hottest as Wilma Flintstone but there I go with my cavegirl fetish again...
Anyway, the thing I got to thinking was: if he's really a 12-13 year old boy inside the body of a 30 year old man and he's having sex with a 30 year old woman, isn't that statutory rape? I mean, emotionally speaking he's still a boy, while physically he's otherwise. Isn't that what really counts in cases like that? Because you'll have girls who're built like they're ready to go, I'm talking boobs out to here (see?) and ass for days (ya hear?), but they're not even 16. You've seen 'em. R. Kelly has (allegedly!). Sexin' 'em up is wrong, right? Consenting or not. The law says so. So did Elizabeth Perkins's character rape poor Josh Baskin? Most would say no. I don't know.
Let's say we reverse the situation, as in 17 Again, when an older person becomes young again by some magic (or WITCHCRAFT?!!). If he nails a teenage girl, that's rape, right? I would imagine so. He's got knowledge beyond the young girl and reason that should tell him not to do it (literally). So is that rape? Would anyone notice? Does anyone care? Are you still reading this?
I guess the larger debate can become does age really define consent anymore? We're so sexed up as a culture anyway, and likely, whether we know it or not. People are having sex or engaging in sex acts younger and younger. Not to say that that's all bad so long as it's safe, and who's to say that people in our parents generation weren't doing the same (and not just homos, "doing the same," get it?)? I know that there's a certain boundary where things go all wrong. And to me there's even a line where two 18+ adults divided by too great an age difference is wrong too. There are people who come into my work whom I assumed were father and daughter. Assuming did it's usual work on me. They're a couple and it's way gross! I literally almost vomitted upon the knowledge. But is that just me? It could be. I'm not taking a stance in either direction on this one. I'm not advocating nor condemning, just openning the floor (blogatively speaking) for debate. Reply, won't you?
On a lighter note: I've been watching Planet Earth on Discovery Channel (again, though in HD), and I've decided that Sigourney Weaver doing a voiceover of my life could make me seem a lot more interesting. I'd like to hear her take on, "Here we see the Aaron snacking ferociously on White Cheddar Cheetos as he watches SportsCenter." Or, "The Aaron spends countless hours playing Grand Theft Auto IV because his chances of mating are slim on a weeknight such as this." I think she could bring a real humanity and gravitas to that bit of truth.
And there you have it. I think this a real return to form, kids. What do you think? Ah well, whatevs. :-P Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Pope You!
Hey, kids! Wow, 2 blogs in a week. I'd like to say get used to it, but perhaps I'm just bored. Perhaps that's the wrong word. Maybe I'm just lonely and a little bored which in the past (and by past I mean 10 minutes ago) led to snacking. It also usually leads to nail-biting. Well, you're in luck tonight because I'm out of fingernails.
So I heard on the Daily Show tonight that the Pope visited Africa and made a speech declaring that condoms (and the active dispersal programs and use thereof) don't prevent AIDS and have actually contributed to the spread of the disease. Now, first of all, I want to ask where he gets his evidence? What science has he employed to come up with this? Oh yeah, he doesn't believe in science. And facts, well, he's probably not a fan of those either. Hell, facts will tell you that he was a Nazi before he was the Pope. But I'm not here to talk about the past.
Secondly, how can a man who has never even used his dick claim to have any expertise as a sexual educator? Not that you've gotta be a whore to teach about sex, but you can't be a fuckin' unich either. And he's certainly not a doctor. If he'd had years of study in microbiology, chemistry, anatomy, and sexually transmitted infections/diseases then maybe he could talk. But no. All he is is an 81 year old virgin in dainty robe, trying to tell other people how to use their "naughty" parts.
I just think that this is another example of the Catholic church's irrelevance in the modern world. If you want to believe in God, by all means do so, but by no means should you take what that joker (or Poper?) says as gospel. I think it's both irresponsible and heartless to go into a nation (I know Africa's a continent) that has been ravaged by AIDS and to say what he said. The people listening may see him as an authority figure, so he should have to be accurate with his facts and he clearly is not. Go back to the Vatican and your silly castle with your silly guards, and leave living to those who actually do it. Hehe, do it...
Alright, so lighter note time:
I was thinking that spelling bestiality the way that it's written probably gives the wrong impression of the act. Like, it's not BESTiality, you know? What would it hurt to add an "A" to it. At least it'll look more like how it's pronounced. Maybe I'm weird.
How many mystery/sooth-seeing movies is Nicolas Cage going to star in? Nextmeets National Treasure equals Knowing.
Speaking of repetitive plots, why is there another mall cop movie coming out? First Paul Blart, now Observe And Report. I don't get it.
Hmmm, well, that's it for now. Till next time (whenever that is). Take it sleazy. :-P Pbbbbbbbth!!!
So I heard on the Daily Show tonight that the Pope visited Africa and made a speech declaring that condoms (and the active dispersal programs and use thereof) don't prevent AIDS and have actually contributed to the spread of the disease. Now, first of all, I want to ask where he gets his evidence? What science has he employed to come up with this? Oh yeah, he doesn't believe in science. And facts, well, he's probably not a fan of those either. Hell, facts will tell you that he was a Nazi before he was the Pope. But I'm not here to talk about the past.
Secondly, how can a man who has never even used his dick claim to have any expertise as a sexual educator? Not that you've gotta be a whore to teach about sex, but you can't be a fuckin' unich either. And he's certainly not a doctor. If he'd had years of study in microbiology, chemistry, anatomy, and sexually transmitted infections/diseases then maybe he could talk. But no. All he is is an 81 year old virgin in dainty robe, trying to tell other people how to use their "naughty" parts.
I just think that this is another example of the Catholic church's irrelevance in the modern world. If you want to believe in God, by all means do so, but by no means should you take what that joker (or Poper?) says as gospel. I think it's both irresponsible and heartless to go into a nation (I know Africa's a continent) that has been ravaged by AIDS and to say what he said. The people listening may see him as an authority figure, so he should have to be accurate with his facts and he clearly is not. Go back to the Vatican and your silly castle with your silly guards, and leave living to those who actually do it. Hehe, do it...
Alright, so lighter note time:
I was thinking that spelling bestiality the way that it's written probably gives the wrong impression of the act. Like, it's not BESTiality, you know? What would it hurt to add an "A" to it. At least it'll look more like how it's pronounced. Maybe I'm weird.
How many mystery/sooth-seeing movies is Nicolas Cage going to star in? Nextmeets National Treasure equals Knowing.
Speaking of repetitive plots, why is there another mall cop movie coming out? First Paul Blart, now Observe And Report. I don't get it.
Hmmm, well, that's it for now. Till next time (whenever that is). Take it sleazy. :-P Pbbbbbbbth!!!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Can You Say It?
Hey, kids! Been too long, I know. But whatever, we're here and I'm ready to dazzle.
So, the impetus for this blog is the commercials that are on late at night on cable. Perhaps you've seen the ads for such brilliant products as Xtenze and The Vibrating Touch. I don't necessarily have a problem with the products themselves, although I don't think that any product can give a dude a long-dong. My problem is with the fact that in both of these ads they can't say what the product does, nor what effect they have. They skate around it and use implications and innuendo (in your end-o) with phrases like "certain part of a man's body" and "It's good for a relationship, let's put it that way."
I'm not exactly sure which is the most egregious in leaving out what its product does. The Vibrating Touch ads do mention that it's a fingertip massager. But they do fail to mention where to stick it. I guess you could let your imagination run wild and let it mean whatever sick and depraved thing you can think of. But most people would likely use it to work the clit. There certainly are merits to that...
Xtenze ads can't even mention what part they affect. "Male enhancement" and "make you larger" is all they say. Know what else can do those two highly vague things: Donuts. I could be "enhanced" and "made larger" by any series of complex carbohydrates and fats. I had 2 California Burritos this weekend alone! Who needs a pill?
I realize that some words still aren't sayable on TV, though the list has shortened since Carlin first brought it up. But simple medical terms should be okay to say without being classified obscene. And it's not like the ads air at noon. They're usually on after midnight when most people who'd blush at the terms are long asleep.
So my proposal is this: If you can't say what your product does, you shouldn't advertise it in that medium. There's always men's and women's magazines. Imagine if the Shamwow commercials couldn't mention what a Shamwow does. Vince would be so bored. What if the Snuggie ads couldn't mention sleeves? Or they couldn't show how a Snuggie makes you look like a backless wizard? It'd be retarded. But whatever, maybe I'm the tard. I doubt it but I'm open to the possibility.
Hey! Anyone see Watchmen? Wasn't that awesome???
On the opposite of the spectrum was The Jonas Brothers 3-D. Wow, that thing is tanking. And that couldn't be more awesome. Fuck those dudes. Not literally though, because apparently their cocks belong to Jesus. On that thought, why lend your cock to a priest, save it for the savior. Okay, I don't know about that one.
This blogging thing is harder to get back into than I thought. Perhaps "dazzle" was too lofty a goal. I'll work on it, if I get around to it.
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Hopefully, I'll have a bit more soon, but hey, one blog every three months is good enough for you, you Faceboogers (eh, I could do better than that). :-P Pbbbbbbth!!!
So, the impetus for this blog is the commercials that are on late at night on cable. Perhaps you've seen the ads for such brilliant products as Xtenze and The Vibrating Touch. I don't necessarily have a problem with the products themselves, although I don't think that any product can give a dude a long-dong. My problem is with the fact that in both of these ads they can't say what the product does, nor what effect they have. They skate around it and use implications and innuendo (in your end-o) with phrases like "certain part of a man's body" and "It's good for a relationship, let's put it that way."
I'm not exactly sure which is the most egregious in leaving out what its product does. The Vibrating Touch ads do mention that it's a fingertip massager. But they do fail to mention where to stick it. I guess you could let your imagination run wild and let it mean whatever sick and depraved thing you can think of. But most people would likely use it to work the clit. There certainly are merits to that...
Xtenze ads can't even mention what part they affect. "Male enhancement" and "make you larger" is all they say. Know what else can do those two highly vague things: Donuts. I could be "enhanced" and "made larger" by any series of complex carbohydrates and fats. I had 2 California Burritos this weekend alone! Who needs a pill?
I realize that some words still aren't sayable on TV, though the list has shortened since Carlin first brought it up. But simple medical terms should be okay to say without being classified obscene. And it's not like the ads air at noon. They're usually on after midnight when most people who'd blush at the terms are long asleep.
So my proposal is this: If you can't say what your product does, you shouldn't advertise it in that medium. There's always men's and women's magazines. Imagine if the Shamwow commercials couldn't mention what a Shamwow does. Vince would be so bored. What if the Snuggie ads couldn't mention sleeves? Or they couldn't show how a Snuggie makes you look like a backless wizard? It'd be retarded. But whatever, maybe I'm the tard. I doubt it but I'm open to the possibility.
Hey! Anyone see Watchmen? Wasn't that awesome???
On the opposite of the spectrum was The Jonas Brothers 3-D. Wow, that thing is tanking. And that couldn't be more awesome. Fuck those dudes. Not literally though, because apparently their cocks belong to Jesus. On that thought, why lend your cock to a priest, save it for the savior. Okay, I don't know about that one.
This blogging thing is harder to get back into than I thought. Perhaps "dazzle" was too lofty a goal. I'll work on it, if I get around to it.
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Hopefully, I'll have a bit more soon, but hey, one blog every three months is good enough for you, you Faceboogers (eh, I could do better than that). :-P Pbbbbbbth!!!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Reviving A Tradition: Post Hoc
Hey, kids! Remember when I used to fill out year-end surveys? I know, it was like forever ago. Well, better late than never. He'e-it-is for 2008.
1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR
Amanda parties pretty hard. And she's got the cast to prove it!
2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest known friend) -
Wayne. That crazy 'queen. Since before I could cross the street...
3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND?
My co-workers are awesome. Ed, Dan, Heather, Rachel, Markie (What am I???), Mauricio ("Oh no..."), Erick, Andres, Alfred, and Jorge.
4) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Getting a job, and the subsequent raises, was relieving to say the least. Meeting Frank Darabont was SWEET. But I'd have to say that my trip to New York was the number 1 thing I did this year.
5) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
I've been sick a lot. Amanda breaking an ankle sucked. But my the worst news I heard all year was when George Carlin died. I wrote about it. I shed a tear. It was bad.
6) BEST HOLIDAY?
I know it's not an official holiday but Victoria's birthday was reedonkulous. Leave it to my mormon (accidentally typed moron there for a second) friends to bring the lesbian orgy.
7) YOUR SONG FOR 2007?
I did buy an iPod this year but it's so hard to narrow it down to one. I only bought one CD that came out in 2008. It was Metallica's "Death Magnetic." If I had to choose a track from it, I'd pick Unforgiven III. Sure, that'll do.
8) MOVIE FOR 2007?
Ironman and The Dark Knight can fight this one out to the death.
9) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
Not alone, thankfully.
10) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
I was a Top Gun pilot. I had originally bought a John Lennon costume but that looked horrendously goofy. It wasn't intended. I still have it too. You want it?
11) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR.
I'm gonna have to say Jillian's at CityWalk for one reason only: The Pizza Burger. Think about it...
12) KISS OF THE YEAR?
Every single one of them. Me likey mucho.
13) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Buying my TV has been a pretty solid investment (Tell that to my ass!). Driving down to San Diego to vote was pretty solid of me (and we all know how that went). I think the decisions that got me to New York may have this thing won.
14) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Errr, this year. I will likely shoot another movie. That would be wise. I'm probably gonna get my own place at some point. Who knows what'll happen with a lot of things in my life this year. Hopefully all good stuff.
15) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
Salsa dancing. It should be noted that this wasn't me.
16) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
The Office never disappointed this year.
17) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
Amanda wins it. 2 years in a row. Y'all gotta work on your Aaron-friendin'.
18) BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG?
Max (my former roommate), Jeff the Chef, John McCain, Alain (the DP on the reality show), Pacman Jones, Geraldo, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs, Mitt Romney, Rudy Guiliani, Glenn Beck, The Jonas Brothers, Ryan Seacrest, Lance Burton, David Caruso, Dick Cheney, and of course, George W. Bush.
19) BIGGEST WHOREBAG?
Sarah Palin.
20) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
None. Fuck it!
1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR
Amanda parties pretty hard. And she's got the cast to prove it!
2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest known friend) -
Wayne. That crazy 'queen. Since before I could cross the street...
3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND?
My co-workers are awesome. Ed, Dan, Heather, Rachel, Markie (What am I???), Mauricio ("Oh no..."), Erick, Andres, Alfred, and Jorge.
4) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Getting a job, and the subsequent raises, was relieving to say the least. Meeting Frank Darabont was SWEET. But I'd have to say that my trip to New York was the number 1 thing I did this year.
5) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
I've been sick a lot. Amanda breaking an ankle sucked. But my the worst news I heard all year was when George Carlin died. I wrote about it. I shed a tear. It was bad.
6) BEST HOLIDAY?
I know it's not an official holiday but Victoria's birthday was reedonkulous. Leave it to my mormon (accidentally typed moron there for a second) friends to bring the lesbian orgy.
7) YOUR SONG FOR 2007?
I did buy an iPod this year but it's so hard to narrow it down to one. I only bought one CD that came out in 2008. It was Metallica's "Death Magnetic." If I had to choose a track from it, I'd pick Unforgiven III. Sure, that'll do.
8) MOVIE FOR 2007?
Ironman and The Dark Knight can fight this one out to the death.
9) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
Not alone, thankfully.
10) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
I was a Top Gun pilot. I had originally bought a John Lennon costume but that looked horrendously goofy. It wasn't intended. I still have it too. You want it?
11) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR.
I'm gonna have to say Jillian's at CityWalk for one reason only: The Pizza Burger. Think about it...
12) KISS OF THE YEAR?
Every single one of them. Me likey mucho.
13) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Buying my TV has been a pretty solid investment (Tell that to my ass!). Driving down to San Diego to vote was pretty solid of me (and we all know how that went). I think the decisions that got me to New York may have this thing won.
14) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Errr, this year. I will likely shoot another movie. That would be wise. I'm probably gonna get my own place at some point. Who knows what'll happen with a lot of things in my life this year. Hopefully all good stuff.
15) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
Salsa dancing. It should be noted that this wasn't me.
16) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
The Office never disappointed this year.
17) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
Amanda wins it. 2 years in a row. Y'all gotta work on your Aaron-friendin'.
18) BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG?
Max (my former roommate), Jeff the Chef, John McCain, Alain (the DP on the reality show), Pacman Jones, Geraldo, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs, Mitt Romney, Rudy Guiliani, Glenn Beck, The Jonas Brothers, Ryan Seacrest, Lance Burton, David Caruso, Dick Cheney, and of course, George W. Bush.
19) BIGGEST WHOREBAG?
Sarah Palin.
20) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
None. Fuck it!
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