No Glee For Me

Hey kids,

So I was at a party about a month ago and a friend recommended that I watch the show Glee.  I tried to politely decline but was bombarded by the rest of the party guests who were Glee watchers or "Gleeks" as they're known by themselves.  Needless to say I didn't get a chance to properly state my reasons so here we go:

First off, when I was in high school I had an interest in taking drama classes but the only plays that they put on were musicals.  I cannot sing.  Not remotely.  Well, that's not entirely accurate.  I can carry a tune but I have no desire to sing publicly.  So effectively, musicals ruined any aspirations I might have had about acting.  Musicals in general don't bother me.  They're certainly not high on my list of shows to watch though.  I have an older sister so I've seen Grease and West Side Story more times than I'd like to admit.  I've also gone and seen productions of these shows that my friends have been in.  But I've never seen myself in them.

Secondly, and most importantly, I'm 28 years old and I couldn't give a shit about high school kids.  There.  I said it.  There seems to be a fascination lately about teenage celebrities like Miley and Bieber and shows about teenagers like Glee, 90210, Gossip Girl and so on.  When I was in my teens I'm sure this shit was fascinating to me too.  But "I'm a grown ass man, dawg."  So why would I watch a show about people whose biggest problems are whether or not they get to go to prom with Johnny.  Waa-waa-waa!  Who gives a fuck?!  If that's your idea of drama, you are either trying to escape all of the real issues of today or you are so privileged that these meaningless pursuits are all you have to worry about.  This probably the same reason that shows like The Hills were popular too.

I've been to high school.  I've been a teenager.  Believe me, it's all bullshit.  Much like the no bullying campaigns say, "It gets better," well it gets worse too.  Life, I mean.  Problems multiply, financial strains, mature relationships, figuring out who the fuck YOU are, and that's just staying within the personal level.  If you pay attention even marginally to the news, you'll see war, genocide, poverty, starvation, and general nincompoopery.  So when Sally gets a big zit before her big speech in home ec., you can see why those problems might fail to ruffle even my ball hairs.  Sorry for the visual.

And no, a bunch of kids singing popular songs is not enough for me.  The original versions are fine.  Song writing is more impressive than song performance.  It always has been and it always will be.  If you've ever tried to write a song, you know how hard it is.  Everyone of us has been in a chorus.  Because it's not hard, and it rarely sounds good.

So I'll pass, Gleetards.  Well, that's meaner than I meant to be.  Same goes to you, Twilight and Harry Potter.  As George Carlin once said brilliantly, "There's too much attention paid to children."  And as the proverb goes, "Youth is wasted on the young."  And get off my lawn.

:-P    Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Season Totals

Hey, kids.

Well, my first season of Men's softball in Burbank ended tonight.  I've added up all my stats to the best of both my recollection and math skills.  They are as follows:

17 for 27 batting = .629 avg

Not bad considering the rustiness I've felt and being in a new league.  I'm hoping to improve this for sure.  One odd thing is that all but one hit was a single.  I hit a double tonight finally.  I think that has to do with the speed of the players in the league and I've been pretty conservative on the bases.  If I can hit balls that skip by an outfielder, I can run for days.  The main thing I need to focus on as a hitter is waiting for the ball.  I think I have a tendency to step too early and then swing a bit flat-footed.  Then it's nothing but arms.  I'll generate more power if everything moves together toward the ball.

13 RBIs

Actually pretty good considering we only played 8 games.  I was hitting 3rd in the lineup most of the year,  a position where you need to be productive, so this feels good.

13 Runs Scored

I set out to score at least a run a game and almost scored 2 so this feels good as well.  This shows that my wheels are still working somewhat.  I definitely could've been more aggressive on the bases but I didn't trust my legs to do what they've done in the past.  I definitely need to do some sliding practice to get over the fear that I'll burn/skin the hell out of my legs.  That'll help me feel more confident as well.

Fielding:

I couldn't tell you how many errors I made this year.  It's not because it's SOoo many but that I don't keep track.  One of the major things I need to do is be more tough.  I get pretty nervous when a teammate throws the ball hard or in the dirt.  I need to be more sure of myself and my hands and not be afraid to put my head behind my glove.  It's the best way to see what the ball is going to do but it's obviously dangerous too.  But if I do it more on balls in the dirt, I'll feel better than I do bailing out on them.  I need to take some more grounders if I can and focus on getting my body in front of the ball, not panicking, and keeping it in front of me at the very least.

Overall not a bad year.  Our team was a good group of guys and we played much better the last 3 or 4 games.  I love when we battle and don't give up.  There's no shame in it and we can walk proud even after a loss.  One thing I wish I could change is our pitchers attitude at times.  He can go from playful to rage in one swing of the bat, his and theirs.  He got warned in at least one game and I'm surprised it didn't happen more.  Tonight he and I argued, which was the first time that's happened, about plays he thought I should've made.  They were mostly grounders between myself and the second baseman.  I knew I could've done more on them and the last thing I needed was an on-field lecture.  Whatever advice can wait for the dugout and a scolding helps no one.  If I'm pissed at you, I may not be able to concentrate on the next hitter.  Anytime someone makes a mistake, and we all do (this ain't the pros), the best thing to do is let it go and be ready for the next opportunity.  Hopefully this will improve going forward.  I can't say for sure.  I think I held my own and when we got into the dugout, I was waiting to give him an encouraging fist bump, letting it go as best I could.

Well, I hope somebody read this the whole way through.  If so, there's a check box below for: funny, interesting, or lame (my addition).  Check it if you're so inclined.

Baseball season started today as well.  It's a great time of year.

:-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Here I Go Again...

Hey, Kids.

So I've been having really weird sleep patterns for the past couple of weeks, hence I'm writing this at 5am.  I have usually had trouble falling asleep initially but now that isn't an issue.  My problem now is that I fall asleep almost right away but wake up about 3 to 4 hours later and then I'm unable to fall back asleep.  Or if I do fall back asleep it's around 5am and when my alarm goes off at 6:15am, I'm dead tired and snooze till at least 7am (lately) but once as late as 7:30.

I'm not sure what's causing it.  I haven't changed anything in my diet.  I mean, I've been trying to eat a bit better and to diversify my light snacks.  I've been buying apples and fat free cherry Yoplait but I can't imagine either of those causing it, nor do I eat them everyday.  I can't say that I'm stressing about work because things have been pretty steady there and I don't take it home with me.  The one thing that has somewhat corresponded with this quasi-insomnia has been the fact that I've started going on hour-long walks at night; usually around 7-7:30pm.  It's not like it's particularly taxing, nor is it that energizing (if it were you'd think I'd have trouble falling asleep initially).

There was one night where I had a weird dream that woke me up but most dreams aren't any weirder than dreams normally are.  But it does seem like I wake in the middle of dreaming.  It's not like I jolt upright in a cold sweat or anything.  It's like I'm dreaming away, REMming it up, and my brain gently says to itself, "Well that's enough of that" and I gently wake up to see 2:45am staring at me in harsh red alarm clock writing.  And as soon as I'm up, my brain starts firing off on all sorts of shit; seemingly things I had thought about prior to going to bed.  And also weirdly, I usually have some song from the day stuck on repeat in my head.

On weekends, it seems like my body makes up for it and cashes in this sleep-debt and I seem to sleep upwards of 10-11 hours.  Since I stay up later on weekends than weekdays, this means I might end up in bed till 3 or 4 in the afternoon.  Well, generally more like 1ish.  While I generally have my weekends free, or have evening activities planned, it still kind of kills the day (the daylight more specifically) so it's hard to imagine getting out to the beach or taking a road trip as I always fancy doing but never seem to.

So tonight (this morning?) I've just decided to go with it and do what my body, or more likely my brain, wants.  I'm awake, brain.  Ya happy?!

Anyone have any ideas, similar experiences, thoughts?  Keep in mind I'm not having trouble falling asleep initially and when I wake up in the wee hours, it's too late to take anything, e.g. melatonin, sleeping pill, etc.  I'd rather not take sleep aids though I usually need melatonin to drop this rhino on Sunday nights [after sleeping in as I do].

Anyway, here's hoping today my workday doesn't suck.

:-/  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbthzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Hef

Hey, Kids!

I usually wake up on Sundays feeling shitty and tired; much like a hangover minus the BAL or regret of what I might have done the night before.  Nope.  I'm just a man with a fatigued body and a hungry mind.  While I eat my breakfast and try to muster the energy to be productive in even some small way, I try to engage my mind with some form of media.  It's a somewhat passive engagement, I know, but it's all I have the strength for in my slumbery stupor.  The thing that is oddly important is that this media not offend me visually.  I am eating after all.  So I usually turn to sports.  They're fairly banal visually speaking.  I mean unless a player is constantly spitting (I'm talking to you Matt Garza), it's pretty easy to watch without drawing up any queasiness that I feel so much more vulnerable to in the mornings.  Of course right now there are no good sports to watch on a Sunday morning being that football has ended and baseball, my true love, has yet to start (from a televised perspective).

So I've been turning to Netflix.  But not just any old movie will do.  I find myself unwilling to watch a narrative film because I feel like the experience might be tampered by my mood. I find myself turning to documentaries.  It's weird because I think that it's okay to watch them regardless of my mood much like I'm okay with watching them with the lights on; something that I'm not happy about with narratives.  You don't have to be as intently focused it seems.  It's like watching the History channel to me.  How many of you turn off the lights to watch that?  So anyway, that's generally how I spend my Sunday mornings: watching documentaries.

This morning I watched Hugh Hefner: Playboy, Activist, And Rebel.  It was a very thorough depiction of his social significance in American society.  It got me to thinking about my perceptions of the man.

I think that most people my age think of him based largely on his personal life, and the wackiness that we've seen of it on The Girls Next Door.  It's generally shown him to be an out-of-touch old man surrounded by young women.  I think in most people it's the last perception of someone that sticks and if this were my last perception of Hef, it'd be a sad one.  But thankfully this documentary served as a very welcome reminder of the large amounts of good Hef has brought to the world.

He and his magazine have been completely inclusive in terms of race.  It can't be stated enough how significant that was, being that the magazine was started in the early 50's.  Hef has long embraced jazz music and it's stars which were largely black and Playboy has had in depth interviews with Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Jim Brown, and Jesse Jackson among others.  I can't say for sure how many of the bunnies were black but Hef's stance on racial equality was so public, both in the magazine and his TV show, it bordered on revolutionary.

Hef has also been an avid proponent of free speech, and not just in the case of his own magazine, but also in the arrests and trials of Lenny Bruce.  Hef literally lent Lenny Bruce the Playboy lawyers to defend his case.  This is hugely important to me both because I firmly believe we should have the right to say whatever (and I mean WHATEVER) in most civil forums and also because of my love of George Carlin.  Without Lenny Bruce there'd be no George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Maher, or David Cross because their language itself (the words) would be restricted and worst of all their ideas would be restricted.  Can you imagine what it'd be like if they got arrested all the time because some bureaucrat didn't like what they had to say or how they said it?  I've held firmly to the idea that comedians are the philosophers of our time, in the Socratic sense (except comedians make a living), in that they publicly question policy using logic and rational thought; things you may not always find in music or painting or literature (though you can, see Rage Against The Machine or Kurt Vonnegut).  So this was a deathly important battle.

Certainly watch this documentary to see and hear all of this in more detail.  I think it's important.

So back to Hef, I certainly understand the criticism of his magazine.  I have some of my own.  It's certainly relatively tame in modern society where EVERYTHING can be found with a mouse click.  But I think that that might actually make Playboy kind of quaint and classy in a way today.  What has bothered me about it was the proliferation of breast implants and the airbrushing away of ethnicity that I've seen, though only sporadicly as I've never been a subscriber to Playboy nor have I ever owned a single issue.  But I've perused...

Everyone who knows me knows I very much love breasts.  I don't know why and I don't care to examine it.  So it's definitely been troublesome to see the number of women getting implants sky-rocket.  I'm not against a woman trying to better herself, if that's the aim.  If it's a point of self esteem, that is, an attempt to gain some I completely understand.  It's no different than trying to lose weight.  It's about feeling better about yourself.  But the idea that silicone is the only way into Playboy and that bigger is always better is where I draw the line.  I can't tell you how many times I've looked at a picture on the internet and thought, "She'd probably be just as hot without those implants."  Or even worse is when you see the thumbnail of a photo and think the girl is gorgeous, click on it for a closer look, only to be repulsed by the amount of scarring she has from the surgery.  It's sad, and an unfair tradeoff if you ask me.  But I must acknowledge that this does go beyond Playboy.

It's also no secret that I've been a fan of latin women for a good long while now.  It probably has a lot to do with where I grew up.  There've been a few times where there's been a latina centerfold in Playboy and it seemed as if they tried to "airbrush the brown off" of her.  I can't say that it always happens but I can say it has.  Again, this issue may be larger in society than just the pages of Playboy but I can't help bringing it up when thinking about the magazine.  It may have to do with where Hef's tastes lie but that's purely speculation.  But if he asked me, I'd say, "Embrace the exotic, Hef."  There's certainly nothing wrong with our cornfed white girls but variety is always a good thing.

But to bring all back to Hef as a social and cultural icon: I think it's important to look past the characature of Hef that you may have and look at American culture and how it has progressed since that first issue of Playboy with Marilyn on the cover.  I don't know if it could've gotten here without him.  There have certainly been excesses.  But I fear to think what things might have looked like had we not had a choice.

Watch the documentary and make your choice.  Or don't.  See if I care.

:-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

A New Home, A New Hope

Hey, Kids!

Welcome to the new home of my blog.  It's got the complete archive of blogs from both MySpace and Facebook; minus some shitty "what do you think of me" surveys.  Do check out the writings of the past because there's definitely some high quality shit to be found.  Even some of the included surveys contain gems that you'll only find here.

Hopefully, this new site will also be where I'll get back to writing longer form pieces, both "journally" and conceptual.  It'll be good to get back to it.  As you can see [on the right] I was pretty prolific for a casual blogger so it can become a useful tool for me once again.  At least comedy will be born.  Well, a boy can dream...

Thanks for reading, even if this is the only one you'll read.

-Aaron

2010 In Review

Hey, kids!  Remember when people used to be on MySpace and they used to write stuff?  Yeah, me neither.  But here's my year-end list for 2010 anyway (copied off of said horrendous former social network).

1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR

Gerry.  We don't drink, so I would change this title to Burrito Buddy Of The Year.  Yeah!

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest known friend) -

Wayne. I finally went to visit this asshole back in June (photos available on my page) and I must say he was a gracious host.  I got to meet his awesome girlfriend, Juana, and his ridiculously adorable (there's that word again) pitbull, Brutus.  It was really fun time!  25 years and counting, buddy...

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND?

Did I meet Cam this year?  He's a solid and cool dude.  I like nice people.  Who knew?

4) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?

I saw and listened to some great comedy this year.  I discovered a ton (too many?) of new podcasts this year that supply me with massive amounts of laughs at work and on the road.  I've also been able to interact a bit with some of the comedians I admire like Bill Burr, Marc Maron, and Paul F. Tompkins.  Also, thanks to Victoria for introducing me to some of these podcasts!

5) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?

Just some of those downer days I've had where I get all "wah wah wah."

6) BEST HOLIDAY?

Christmas was a pretty fun time.  Halloween was fun too.  I had a GREAT fucking donut that night.  Does that make it a winner?  Oh, but Christmas had Tim Tams!  Winner: Christmas!

7) YOUR SONG FOR 2010?

Jimmy Eat World's latest album, Invented, may have been the only album I bought all year so I'm gonna go with my favorite track: Heart Is Hard To Find.  It's true, and it was a real surprise track to open an album with.  Good on ya, Dudes!

8) MOVIE FOR 2010?

Wow, this is kind of tough.  Kick Ass was great.  True Grit was pretty damned good.  Black Swan was surprisingly awesome and visceral.  The Town was also a surprise as a solid film.  But it's hard for anything I've seen this year to top Inception.  It's simply amazing and practically made me quit filmmaking.  I cannot stand on your level, Chris Nolan.  I kneel before Nolan.

9) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINE'S DAY WITH?

I think it was Erick, which is weird.  I think we had both become singled (him more recently than I) and needed to laugh.  So we went down to the Improv and saw Harland Williams do stand up.  That is a funny motherfucker. Update: Upon further review, this was actually Feb. 13th.  So I was probably alone on Valentine's Day.  Update Update: I remember now.  I went and watched Avatar alone that day.  The mystery ends.

10) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?

I was an awkward, overweight white guy.  

11) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR.

Wow, I don't know.  I finally went to Porto's, which is a fine place.  Pinocchio's and Carmine's are both fine Italian joints.  I can't say that I have a favorite because I never really enjoy restaurants.

12) KISS OF THE YEAR?

Unfortunately, I only had one candidate this year and to be brutally honest, it wasn't that good.  Bummer, huh?

13) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?

Taking over the day shift at work has been a pretty solid call.  I love my car too.  It is one sexy bitch.  Buying a new computer was also a major plus.

14) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?

I've really gotta bear down and get my stand up act together.  I really want to give that a shot.  Luckily, I've got a really good day job so if nothing else it'll be a cathartic release.  I've also gotta learn the drums to validate this purchase.

15) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?

I don't have those.  It'd probably be ordering another burrito.  Great at the time, but horrible ten minutes later.

16) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?

Lost was great.  Can't top that.

17) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?

Gerry has been there for me when I needed it.  I'm sure I frustrate the piss out of him now and again but it's much appreciated.    

18) BIGGEST DOUCHEBAGS?

I've actually been keeping a list all year, though I haven't added to it since May.  Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Senator John Boehner, John Edwards, Bill O'Reilly, Jay Leno, NBC Executives, the Stoners on Riverside Drive, Pat Robertson, Disney Corp., the dude in the theater during Iron Man 2, and Larry Larson.

19) BIGGEST CUNTS (not literally)?

Gassie Cassie, Representative Michelle Bachman, Bombshell McGee, Michelle Malkin, Gloria "Glo" Ingram, and Anne Coulter.

20) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?

Be better, do better, give everything I can, and get everything I deserve.

15 Fictional Characters

Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen fictional characters (television, films, plays, books) who've influenced you and that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. Tag at least fifteen friends, including me, because I'm interested in seeing what characters my friends choose. (To do this, go to your Notes tab on your profile page, paste rules in a new note, cast your fifteen picks, and tag people in the note.)

1. Wile E. Coyote

2. Fozzie Bear

3. Indiana Jones

4. Navin Johnson

5. Jack Bauer

6. Randal Graves

7. Bret "The Hitman" Hart (wrestling is fake)

8. Marty McFly

9. Batman

10. Dr. John Dorian

11. The Tramp

12. Donnie Darko

13. Pee-Wee Herman

14. Peter Venkman

15. Wesley

How Fucking Awesome Is This!

I emailed the hilarious comedian Bill Burr regarding an episode of his podcast (themmpodcast.com) from 10/6/10 where he talked about getting harassed at the Bills/Jets game (10/3/10) and chronicled my experience at Dodger Stadium last October (which I'd never done).  Here's how that went:

Bill,

I listened to your last podcast about your experience at the Bills/Jets game.  I've had a similar experience of walking into an opposing team's stadium.  I'm a St. Louis Cardinals fan and last year they played the Dodgers in the first round of the playoffs.  I wanted to go to the game so I tried to get my friend, a Dodger fan, to go with me.  He couldn't make it because of his kid (typical, right?) so I decided to go alone.

I was hesitant to do so at first because I know how shitty Dodger fans act towards other fans.  Adding the pressure of a playoff game and the ever-present drunkenness, I knew I'd be in for a battle.  So I got my ticket and went down to Chavez Ravine.

I was pretty smart about it though.  I wore my Pujols jersey to support my team but I didn't wear a hat.  I figured that, in a crowd, I'd be harder to spot/torment without a bright red headlight.  I walked into the stadium with little incident.  I got to my seat and was of course surrounded by Dodger fans.  The worst part was: I was right on the aisle right before the field level concession stands.  So all throughout the game dudes would slap me on the back as they passed me, shouting, "HEY PUJOLS!!!"

There was a group of Cardinal fans down my row that offered to let me sit near them, but I declined because they all looked like rednecks to me.  I grew up in San Diego, right near the border, so I've always felt more comfortable with Mexicans than white folks, including my own family.  So I stayed at my seat and luckily the 2 guys right next to me were really cool and friendly, even though we were there for opposing reasons.

One thing that bugged the shit out of me though was this drunken bastard a few rows in front of me.  He asked me if I was from St. Louis.  I said, No, San Diego.  He asked why I was a Cardinals fan, and rather than tell him the whole story about my favorite player had been traded to the Yankees (fuck those cunts), I told him I became a fan during the McGwire homerun chase of '98.  This motherfucker scoffed at me and turned away like I was an asshole!  Me?!  Manny Ramirez is RIGHT FUCKING THERE!!!  What a douche...

Outside of that guy, I didn't have much means to be angry.  Except for the Cards losing, of course.  A security guard even came and checked on me, which was nice, but I was cool.  I didn't ask for trouble so I didn't get any.  

When the game ended, I shook the hand of my neighbor, said "Good game" and headed for the exit.  I had my jacket on because it was getting cold so I went ahead a zipped it up till I got in my car.  I don't think that makes me a pussy but I'd rather keep the fact that I bleed Cardinal red a figurative thing to be safe.

What do you think, Bill?  Was I smart, or a scaredy-cunt?

Aaron Brungardt

Burbank, CA

And he replied!  How Fucking Awesome Is That!

Aaron -

Smart.  Without a doubt, smart.  The kind of people who would actuallydo physical harm to someone wearing a different jersey are not the oneon one types.  They are the push from behind, 5 on 1 types who stompyou into the ground while the other four hold you down.  I think afterlast week, I officially am at the age where I'm going in plain clothes to opposing teams stadiums.  It's just makes for a much betterexperience.

Bill

Comedie D'Largo

Show was fucking hilarious!  

Lineup: Marc Maron came out and introduced the founder/editor of PunchlineMagazine.com (The show was in honor of its 5th anniversary).  The dude kinda talked toward the side wall for about a minute.

1. Greg Proops hosted

2. Chris Hardwick

3. Jeff Garlin

4. Brendan Burns

5. Maria Bamford

6. Marc Maron

I talked to Marc Maron briefly after the show.  Caught him on his way to the can (convenient in case we didn't hit it off).  I told him he did great, that I listen to his show (to which he apologized for not bringing any stickers), and then told him that his 'stache was looking good.  Very "Magnum." He replied that he couldn't get it to curl down (as opposed to my beard?), asked me my name (Aaron), and we shook hands again (2x).

Awesome early Birthday present to myself.

One For The Blooper Reel

Got to play in the last game of the night for a random company sponsored team.  

Dropped grounder on first hitter of game while playing 1st base.  Missed some tough picks in the dirt.  Excusable?

0/2 on pop-flies in right center.  2/2 falling down on said pop-flies.  

Batted 1-3, if you count fielder's choices (which I do).  Fouled out, FC grounder to SS/Error, solid sinking flyout to left (my highlight of the night).

Baserunning: Not bad minus the stumbling.  Going 1st to 3rd winded the hell out of me.

Cardio: dismal, depth perception: dismal, ability to keep feet and head in proper polarity: astonishingly weak.

Overall: Possibly my worst game ever but just a sign of my rustiness.  Gotta slow things down and let the game come to me.

Still don't have a regular team.  :-(  Hooray...