Just G.O. Away...

I woke up today and turned on ESPN News as I often do, only to find my least favorite subject as the breaking headline of the day, Terrell Owens.  Apparently, he may or may not have attempted suicide last night.  He denies it, the police report says otherwise.  Blah, blah, dee, fuck, dah...

I am so sick of hearing about this guy.  He makes Shaq seem anonymous.  It's repulsive and it's retarded.

And shame on ESPN for only furthering T.O.'s "everybody look at me" agenda.  He is not daily news.  He has never won anything.  ESPN is not supposed to beAccess Hollywood.

I'm not a football fan so I'm already in a bad mood about ESPN's (otherwise known as the Football Channel) constant coverage of the barbaric, overly complicated, penalty-riddled sport.  But the incessant "will he play or won't he" is verging on soap opera tabloid territory.

I don't have a solution to the problem.  It's not my job.  But if I had a "disappear" button, you can guess who'd be getting out of sight right about now... 

Well, him and Jack Johnson.  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Perhaps this is the answer to SOME of my questions...

Finish the statements:

1. The last person I kissed: is not worth mentioning.

2. Never in my life have I: gotten the respect I deserve.

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can eventually manage to make me smile: is women. Generally speaking, of course.

4. High School is: in the past, so it should be was. High school was a lot more fun than I give it credit.

5. When I'm nervous I: burp and yawn a lot. That's real, Cuz.

6. The last time I cried was: stupid.

7. If I were to get married right now my maid of honor/bestman would be: more surprised than I would be.

9. My hair: is better kept short. Maverick style!

10. When I was 5: I was bouncing around this country looking for a home.

11. Last Christmas: "I gave you my heart. The very next day, you gave it away." How true that was...

12. When I turn my head left: I see a china ball, as opposed to a chinaman's balls, which would be superfluous.

13. I should be: doing something productive. Senioritis lives!

14. When I look down, I see: 'bout the biggest pair you've ever seen, dingleberry!

15. The craziest recent event was: I went into the bathroom and I could see a dog lying down in the handicapped stall. It was a seeing-eye-dog but it was very interesting out of context.

16. If I were a character on Friends I'd be: Chandler. Ross, when I get emo.

17. By this time next year: I'll be in Hollywood living "The Dream" i.e. getting some asshole his coffee.

18. Current Relationship Status: Single as a Pringle that's lookin' to mingle so give me a jingle. God, I should be doing Dr. Scholl's ads...

19. I have a hard time understanding: women, politicians, and math.

20. One time at a family gathering: I stuck a flute in my pussy. If you didn't see that coming, there's a dog in the bathroom looking for you.

21. You know I "like" you if: I go out of my way to talk to you. I realize now that I am easy to read despite my best efforts to appear suave.

23. Take my advice: there is no god. It's just you and me and we're not going anywhere.

24. My ideal breakfast is: quiet.

25. If you visit the place where I grew up: you should say "Hi" to the people that live there.

26. Where do you plan to visit anytime soon: life.

27. If you spend the night at my house: you are a saint and I'll love you forever. That sounds really sad if you take it seriously. But I am offering. Huh, huh???

28. I'd stop my wedding if: you showed me a picture of our future kids. That's cold and untrue.

29. The world could do without: money. Seriously.

30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than date: celibate, pro-life, racist, drunk, pessimistic, war mongering debutantes. Now, their mothers on the other hand...

31. Most recent thing i've bought myself: is a soda.

32. Most recent thing someone else bought for you: is food.

33. My favorite blonde is: me.

34. My favorite brunette/redhead is: Catherine Bell and I can't explain why. I just don't know.

36. The last time I was drunk: I became Drunken Morty Jones. Beware the harp seals!

37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds: Elephants. Tell me you didn't love Dumbo!

38. I shouldn't have been: gifted with such intelligence. It's really hindering my ability to get laid.

39. Once, at a bar: a guy spilled his drink on my crotch. I should have killed him. Lesson learned.

40. Last night I: don't remember.

41. There's this girl I: oughta find out there. She's great for me. Anybody know 'er? 'Cause I don't.

42: I don't know: 'er, remember?

43. A better name for me would be: Beetleburt.

44. If I ever go back to school I'll: have lost the will to live.

45. How many days until my birthday?: 30 exactly. The countdown begins...

46. What I really want for Valentine's Day is: to not be blogging this year.

47. I'm wearing: glasses. My eyes are too lazy for contacts.

48. Tomorrow I am: gonna sit around because I can.

49. The last thing I ate was: a quesadilla.

50. I really want to learn: "what love is. I want you show me!!!"

More Questions!

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner--who pays?
Nobody. Jesus turns pulls bread and fishes out from behind my ear like an unimpressive uncle.

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias--what is it?
Tony Garcia. I totally look it too.

3. Pick one state in the US to get rid of permanently.
Texas. He gone!

4. Skywalker or Solo?
Han Solo. He gets the bitches. And the motherfucker shot Greedo. COLD-BLOODED!

5. Toy you always wanted as a kid but never got?
An astrojump. I always had to crash parties instead.

6. Top 3 celebrities you wanna do : ____________
Jessica Simpson, Jessica Biel, and Salma Hayek. Now, go. Make it happen.

7. What's an automatic deal breaker in a significant other?
Hyper-religious. I should also say a penis, right?

8. What's the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
Signs. I get chills re-telling it.

9. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?
I love you! But it's like, stupid-haha.

10. You're sentenced to death and it's execution day. What's your last meal?
An entire giant pizza with pepperoni and RC Cola. Duh.

11. What's something most people do that you've never done?
Drugs.

12. Before you die you want to go to...?
Heaven. You know, to see if I like it first.

13. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?
Kick a president in the nuts.

14. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
A grizzly bear. Aw, just look at 'em...

15. One drug you'll never try?
Comfortable ignorance.

16. If you were an animal, which one would you be?
A grizzly bear. Just look at 'em...

17. If you had to marry someone you knew at age 12, who would it be?
Nicole Duque. I think she really got me. I could be wrong.

18. First celebrity crush?
Alyssa Milano. She's the boss.

19. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits, and abilities?
Broad sword. Heavy, clumsly, wonderfully crafted but will cut you clean in half.

20. Favorite breakfast bread style?
Cereal style?

21. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?
When it ends. I don't like turkey. Birds are weird.

22. Sport you hate the most?
Horse racing.

23. What city in the US do you want to visit the most?
Las Vegas. Who's with me???

24. What's something do you think it'd be sweet to know?
How to get people to pay closer attention to what they say and make sure they mean in.

25. Favorite actor/actress?
Tom Cruise/Audrey Tautou.

26. What's one phrase you absolutely detest?
Awesomely Bad. Go fuck yourself.

27. What makes an awesome party?
Friends, enthusiasm, babes, lots of chairs.

28. What's your material obsession?
DVDs. Gotta have 'em, hopefully I'll watch 'em.

29. What's something most people would consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you?
I'm quiet. Most people should really shut up more.

30. Favorite kind of dog?
Bulldog.

31. Favorite carnival food?
Cinammon Rolls.

32. Morning or night person?
The moon doesn't burn.

33. Worst drunken or drugged up habit?
Being "creepy sober guy."

34. Weirdest eBay purchase?
None. I don't use it often.

35. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?
I like to eat food. It's good. You're dumb.

36. It's 3 a.m. on Saturday. What are you doing?
Either bullshitting or sleeping.

37. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?
You can't make me choose!

38. Worst job you've ever had?
Phone surveys. Yuck.

39. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
Butch makes fun of my misunderstanding of obscure vocabulary words to help him deal with the fact that I tower over him physically.

40. Favorite cereal?
Lucky Charms. They're magically delicious.

41. Book you could read repeatedly?
The Lord of the Rings. It'll take a while but still...

42. Tell an interesting story about the last person to fill this out.
Butch is like the brother I should've had.

Do I have the Cooties?

Because, by all rights, there is no good reason why I am this single.

Seriously, it's weirding me out now.

What gives?

I mean, why can't I be this happy?

Schoolio

Hey kids!  So I finished my first week of the home-stretch of my collegiate career.  I must say I'm somewhat worried about how hard it's going to be and how much time I'm going to have to spend on stuff.

The week started off in Editing with the Man, the Myth, the Legend: Greg Durbin (or El Durbino, as I've taken to calling him).  It was like old-times.  I listened, I nearly fell asleep, the projector didn't work, and I heckled.  I love to heckle.  It should be a fun enough class but I will need hard-drive space like crazy.  I'm not sure if I should go out and buy one or not...

Day 2 (as in Tuesday) began a little earlier.  I got down to campus and waited over a half hour to speak to my advisor.  I got all my credits worked out (so I willgraduate, or someone dies...) and enrolled in a special studies course. 

I'm basically taking Directing again.  It was a blast the first time and I've got Pete Larlham again (my jolly british prof., who still remembers me over a year later).  I walked into a much fuller class than my previous one and sat down immediately.  I took a breath and then looked around and sure enough, hey, people I know!  Shawn Johnson (of the 'Retard-Kite movie' fame) is in the class as well.  When I sat down next to him, he said, "I'm glad someone else is here that is as reserved as me."  Little does he know that I acted in our final scene in my previous class and a few other projects.  That and I can be a nut-ball at times.  I assured him that the class is fun and Peter began merrily as ever.

During some discussion about good films, Peter asked if anyone had scene a good comedy lately.  I fully expected someone to yell out "Beerfest!" or something and I said "Snakes on a Plane" quietly to myself and Shawn.  But then a girl towards the back says, "Steve Martin's The Jerk!"  I instantly love her.  Peter asked about recent comedies, she throws out one from 1979 which also happens to be one of my Top 10 films. 

How awesome is that?  "Very awesome," you would have said had you been there.

After class I turned in some forms and got the hell out of that heat furnace that is SDSU at 2pm.  Seriously, this heat must be stopped.

Wednesday.  I have no classes on Wednesday, therefore it was not exciting.

On Thursday, I was supposed to go to the Theatre dept. auditions as a replacement for Directing (Peter is casting a play).  I SOoo blew that.  See, we were having our roof re-done at my house so there were dudes hammering on the roof at 8am and the dogs were barking at them, so my sleep was far from pleasant.  I wasn't absent though because there was no roll or sign-in sheet at the auditions.

I did stroll down to campus for my next class, Advanced Film.  I got to the Comm building and talked to folks like Rian (the Hawaiian) about his movie I'll be producing.  We get into class and we've got a professor that few of us are familiar with, Richard Taylor.  Besides professoring, he's a producer at Cox Cable Channel 4.  He's also got some radical ideas.  Instead of pitching our ideas and picking the best 5 to make into short films, he wants us to make (wait for it... wait for it...) 18 short films!  That's 1 for every student.  The man is nuts but he slowly sold most of us on the idea. 

At the very least, I get my movie made no matter what.  It's going to cost me more but it'll get made.  I also get to use people from outside the class in my main crew, i.e. DP (hehe) and editor.  That's cool.  We're still gonna pitch next week just to see what people have in mind and we might still go back to the 5 movies thing but I doubt that.  We'll see.

So Friday morning comes around I roll out of bed at 7am.  I do not like this.  I get to my Screenwriting class and re-introduce myself to Jamie.  She's back after a semester in Aussieland and summer in Europe.  We sit in our overly cramped classroom and I don't even notice Erik (my cohort from 2 of last semester's cinemasplorations, and bass player for Stolen) is in the class.  Like I said, it was crowded. 

Stuart (our prof.) talked at great length (which he's great at) about what we're gonna be doing this semester.  Mostly, I sat thinking about how much I'd like to sleep in on Fridays.  The class is gonna be a lot of work but not crazy-lots.  Stuart knows his shit so I look forward to his feedback on my written masterworks.

I left class with the intention of taking a nap but I didn't even blink funny until very late in the evening.

So that was my week and that shall be what my semester shall be like.  Ahem, yeah.  What you got on that?!  Nothin'.  I thought so.  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Strapped, Capped, and Wrapped

Hey, kids!  It's time for an installment of a series I like to call Aaron takes on... 

Tonight, Aaron takes on... Celibacy.

Let me just start by saying, everybody has choices to make in their lives and they are free to make them whenever, wherever, and however they like, most laws permitting.  However, some choices I see are misguided.

This leads me to the celibate lifestyle.  I just don't get it.  How does one come to the decision?  Where does the decision come from?  The answer to the second question seems fairly simple, Religion.  Christianity, the religion I'm most familiar with, teaches it.  But, like most things I was taught as a boy, I find it to be completely gonzo-bonkers-nuts.

Let me explain.  Originally, the practice of celibacy started as a reaction to the decadence of the Roman Empire in the early A.D.s.  As I see it, the practice of celibacy amongst modern youths is a reaction to decadent lifestyles and/or promiscuous lifestyles that they see on MTV or Maury Povich.  I agree, that shit's retarded.  But I see celibacy as a very extreme reaction to a fairly instinctual human impulse.  Spread the seed and whatnot. 

Now, I'm not in favor of spreading seeds around by any stretch.  I've got no desire to procreate at this early juncture in my life and that's fine if you don't either.  But, like I said, it's rather extreme to cut yourself off altogether.

It's also plain to see that the world is overpopulated and the last thing we need is more children with children or children without homes.  Not to mention the growing number of STDs out there.  But is celibacy, or even abstinence, the answer?  I say no.  If you're concerned about pregnancy or STDs, then you better have it strapped, capped, and wrapped before you get with the freakie-deakies.  Frankly, with all that armor on, you'll probably end up chapped as a result, but that's the price of safety.

And that's the thing.  That's the price of safety, protecting yourself.  Not some archaic Middle Ages practice of waiting until the wedding night.  You don't shoot yourself in the face when you have a cold, do you?  Then why do the same to your natural sexual urges?

If you don't want to be a whore or a slut, don't be a whore or a slut.  It's that simple.  No need to go and close yourself off to the possibility that you can havepremarital sex and still be a good person.

Now, to address the belief that limiting your number of sexual experiences somehow makes "the experience" special, I gotta say wrong here too.  You and your partner make things special.  If what you feel for each other is true, then what difference does it make whether it's both of your firsts as opposed to his third and her second?  Are you that insecure?  If you are, maybe you shouldn't be together in any sense, physically or emotionally.  Are you afraid that the other person will have another experience to compare yours to, favorably or otherwise?  Again, if you're paranoid, maybe a relationship isn't for you in the first place.

If you want to wait for love, wait for love.  That's fine, but why wait for a pair of rings and a piece of government issued paper?

Religion can tell you many fine stories.  But I don't think in any case that it should define you.  I don't think that the pope has any right to tell you what to do with your significant others anymore than you can tell him what he can do with his fancy robes and his funny hats. 

Have fun and be safe, that's all you need to know.  Take it seriously, I do.  But be a little more understanding and be a hell of a lot more modern about it, otherwise I'll think you're crazy.  I don't want you to be crazy, kids.

I know I don't have much experience from which to speak.  But if you're celibate and you're reading this (still), I'm more experienced than you.  I'm not a bad person and I don't think you are.  I just think you've heard a bad argument.

And lastly, to anyone who takes this all wrong and gets angry at me for communicating my opinion, I have something inspirational to say to you too:

GET BLOWN!  :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

Second Helping

Hey kids!  Time for some more thoughtsies.

- I don't like the term, "bitch slapped."   For some reason, it seems redundant.  Or that it's too many words to say something so simple.  Plus, there's really no difference between a bitch slap and a pimp slap, so why make the distinction?

- I hate the phrase, "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas."  It's SOoo fucking cliche.  We get it, we know it, it goes without saying.  I think anyone who says it now is too lame to do anything worth re-telling anyway.  People who say it seem to think they're so clever for pulling the phrase out too.  It's ridiculous.  It's a commercial, it's a slogan.  What's next, during conversation someone throws out, "Plop-plop Fizz Fizz?!" 

- I really am pretty sick of pirates at this point.  They've become goofy caricatures of what they used to be, dudes who would cut your nuts off for gold!  There is no pirate code.  You can't say parlay and expect them to not thrash you.  And I highly doubt there were any midget pirates.  Disney has turned Sir Francis Drake into Captain Crunch.  It's lame.  Can't wait for part 3 though!!!

- School starts on Monday.  Boooooooooooooo!

- I was flipping channels last night and I saw that the show Next was on.  So like everyone else who watches the show, I stayed tuned to see if any of the contestants were hot.  The answer was no.  But what disturbed me more was that the girl that was being vied for made this dude wear some ridiculous cowboy clothes.  And that got me thinking.  We guys will do a lot of stupid shit for a chance at less the $100 or a date.  Think about it.  It's not just guys, I mean, when you think about the stupid shit we all do at our jobs for less than $100, there's some perspective. 

But it seems more like a guy's going to jump through worse hoops than a girl would.  Maybe that has something to do with our hormones, I don't know.  It's easy to see that some people on the show just want to win at all costs, no matter what the prize, but I find this to be somewhat representative of real life.  I'm sure my male readers can think of some dumb stuff they've done for a date or on a date, that wasn't their idea, so they could get another date or more...

It's a little degrading but then again that goes for anyone, not just dudes.  (I find it appropriate to pause here and tell you that I just beat my dog in a staring contest.  Yay!)  I know I've seen a few movies that I didn't really want to see.  The Watcher with Keanu Reeves, Bless the Child (Oy...), and The Art of War.  I guess if you like the company enough, or at least you think you do, you'll sit through some things, no matter how painful. 

But Next is about people as they meet for the first time.  That makes the acts seems a little more extreme, don't they?  But what do I know?  I'd kill to go seeThe Watcher with somebody I adore, today even.  And I highly doubt that she would say, "Next!"  So there. *sticks tongue out*

- Anyone else loving the World Series of Poker?  Well, I am. 

- I'm running out of things to say.  Any good writer will let you know when this starts to happen.  I think Poe ended his last poem (Poe:Poem, coincidence?) that way, and then promptly died in a gutter.  "So at least I've got that goin' for me."   :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

M.S.A.A.

Hello.  My name is Aaron and I'm a MySpace addict.  I log on at least twice an hour and I need help.

- So if you couldn't tell by the latest picture, I've been a little bored lately.  It's not that bad because, believe me, I have many more masks I haven't even thought about breaking out.  You must understand though that the picture is photographic faceity.  It's me abstractly making fun of the more self-absorbed MySpacers, just don't tell anyone.

- I find it somewhat telling that when I'm at a club and the song, "Promiscuous Girl" comes on, and every girl in the club goes nuts and does their best impression of how to best signify that they hate their fathers.  I'm seriously beginning to believe that every girl in the club is one crack deal shy of actually being a stripper.  I'm not judging, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I'm just telling you what I see.

- I got a new cell phone (Motorola L6), which you can see in my picture.  It's all sleek and high-tech looking, which means I'll probably break it in 3 months.  I've spent over an hour and a half on the phone with Cingular getting my internet and picture messaging straightened out.  The shitty part is that when they finally put me on with the tech people we fix it within 5 minutes.  So I say, why not put me straight through with them?  I mean, it's a toll-free call so Cingular isn't making a dime off of the time.  Oh well I guess.

- Have you seen the Little League World Series this year?  They've got a bunch of 13 year olds around my height or above, including one kid who is 6'8!  If this doesn't prove my theory about what we're feeding the cows, I don't know what does.

- Did I mention I have Videos?

- Finally, I apologize for making you all wait so long for a new blog.  I don't know what it is but I get on here and I look around for messages, comments, or whatever and my mind goes blank.  Luckily, not so much today so don't be surprised if there's more blogs to come.  Stay Classy, kids.   :-P  Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbth!!!

My Shit List

Oh no, kids, it's gotten to that point.  The point where Aaron gets bored and then angry and he decides to write out a list of people and things that should probably die in a fire.  Here's my Shit List:

-The Bush Administration- For so many reasons.

-TV "Talent" Shows- I am so sick of people trying to get rich and famous for being "good-looking" and not being creative.  Make it happen on your own!  You don't need Regis or Simon Cowell.

-Simon Cowell- One of the least talented human beings on planet Earth.  Get a shirt that fits, buddy!

-Sean Hannity- You're not a patriot.  You're an asshole.

-Grown men (under age 90) who wear bow-ties- Seriously, grow the fuck up Tucker Carlson.  Only grandpas look cute in bow-ties.  Everyone else looks like a creepy douche.

-Bill O'Reilly- Speaking of creepy douches...

-Celebrity News Shows- This is near and dear to my heart.  Leave these people alone.  They work like everybody else and try to live peacefully.  They're not higher or better, and most of them would admit that.

-Colored dress shirts with white collars- When did men decide that not matching was a good idea?!  Honestly, you look like a slimeball.  Let's stick to solids, okay?

-Star Jones- Why are you famous again?  It doesn't matter, just go away.

-MTV- You don't play music anymore.  I'll grant you that there ain't much out there to show but seriously...

-Kids on MTV "Reality" Shows- This includes all the brats on Laguna Beach,The Hills, and My Super Sweet 16.  You spoiled little punks!  May you die homeless and penniless.  Then maybe you'll have learned something about life.

-The New York Yankees- You just have to be here.

-The makers of Head-On- I'm sure it's a great product but you're commercials are beyond lackluster.

-Chris Rose- This guy hosts The Best Damn Sports Show Period, which in itself deserves to be on this list.  But this man could suck the life out of an elephant when he tries to be funny.  He is Seacrest-times-ten.

-Desperate Housewives- This show is neither fun nor entertaining.

-Joan Rivers- This pretty much explains itself.

-"Celebreality" Shows- Goddammit!  Are we that depraved?!

-Jaywalkers- Seriously, what's your hurry???

-Skateboarders and Goths that wear SUPER-tight pants- I don't fancy seeing your genitals, let alone through your clothing.  Plus, it can't be good for circulation.

-Richard Gere- You smug prick.

-Tom Brady- He's a great quarterback.  I'm just tired of his face.

-People who think Kate Moss is hot- This may include former-boyfriend Johnny Depp.  Seriously, she's hideous.  How is she a model?!

-Paris Hilton- Whose list aren't you on?

-Direct to Video Sequels- Why?  Just why?  Leave the poor dead horse alone.  The well is dry.  Stop it.

-Face-lift guys- This includes, but is not limited to, Burt Reynolds, Sylvester Stallone, and most unfortunately "The Gambler" Kenny Rogers.  You're not fooling anybody.  And it's sad really.  Now you just look like old lizard balls.  Men look better with age and wrinkles, ask the ladies.

-Wrestling "storylines"- Shut the fuck up and leg drop somebody through a barbwire table that's on fire.

-Dudes who workout too much- There comes a point where you spend more time in the gym than you do hanging out with chicks.  Once you cross that point, you're on the list.  The Fonz was cool (and still is) and he never went to the gym.  But he was always surrounded by women.  Think about it.

-Dennis Miller- What happened to you, man? *shakes head in disgust*

-Jerry Falwell- You're nuts, get over it!

-Pat Robertson- You too!

-People who wear climate conflicting clothing- This includes people who wear jeans and flip-flops or girls who wear skirts and Ugg boots.  Are you hot or are you cold?  Make a decision and dress accordingly.

-Jon Heder- He's probably a very nice guy (I mean, come on, he's mormon) but he is a one trick pony and his 15 minutes are up.

-People who use the term, "Awesomely Bad"- There's no such thing.  You're just trying to be PC and it's disingenuous.

And I think that's it!  Did I miss anybody?